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12/30/2011 03:59 AM

bipolar cheating

sandymount
Posts: 13
Member

is it just me or does anybody else feel that bipolar cheats hide behind their illness to make excuses for their bad behavior, and wives or partners who support them are just doormats?

i dont wish to offend anybody, but what message is being transmitted to the children in these families? your mom or dad is ill, so if they have affairs with whoever, its ok. Having a couple of freinds with bipolar spouses and seeing them throw their lives away is very distressing. it seems to me that the bipolar gets it all their own way. they can hurt, cheat, degrade and scare, but its ok. theyre ill! i just find it very convenient, and i wonder if by times, they play up.

rant over. again apologies if i have offended anybody

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12/30/2011 04:17 AM
pheonixanime
pheonixanime  
Posts: 1647
Senior Member

you make it sound like all people with bipolar cheat when this is not the case. and you over look that fact that when a person is in an extream manic state they can have an impulse control problem and hypersexuality. I think this should be directed to their spouse for sure but sadly that is not always the case.

12/30/2011 04:54 AM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 13741
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hi and welcome. Not sure what to say to your post i do know that not all people who have bipolar cheat on your spouses, and not all bipolar people suffer from hypersexuality (many that do have this symtpom never cheat) this illness affects us all so differently we are all very unique, even tho our symptoms are the same we act them out differently. There's another group you may want to also join, here's the link, i think you may receive more feedback there:

http://www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-spouses

You mention in another group here at mdj that you have a bipolar partner so i thought this other group may help you.

Post edited by: Dit, at: 12/30/2011 05:00 AM


12/30/2011 04:58 AM
bob333
bob333  
Posts: 3790
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

i agree with mary that not all people cheat n we dont always get our own way. I think u hav stereotyped people with bipolar, yeh we do struggle to regulate our emotions n we do struggle to control impulses, but i for one has learnt not to act on my impulses n even when i did act on them previously i neva hurt anyone else because its not in my nature. With the right meds, therapy n support network ppl do not hurt others, n can live a near normal life.

12/30/2011 05:20 AM
Intheshadows
 
Posts: 150
Member

I agree with Bob. We don't all cheat, act out on impulses, and purposely hurt people. However, it is very difficult to fight certain impulses. Unless you have the disorder, you probably would not have any idea of just how hard it is. Perhaps you should attend a therapy session with your husband or see his psychiatrist with him to get a realistic view of how he really is and how much he can control. I'm sure it's difficult living with people with bipolar disorder but, as someone who has it, I can tell you that "normal" people also cheat and have their issues and excuses.

12/30/2011 06:57 AM
Volante
Volante  
Posts: 925
Member

This is ridiculous. A ignorant stereotype. Everybody chooses whether to cheat or not. Bipolar, diabetic, cancer patient, white, black, asian, spanish, whatever. Be a little more intelligent.

12/30/2011 07:59 AM
YorkieLove
YorkieLove  
Posts: 7033
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Having bipolar does not excuse bad behavior, but it sometimes explains it. It is the bipolar person's responsibility to seek treatment and follow treatment plans faithfully. If they are not doing this, IMO, they are not truly remorsefull for their behavior.

12/30/2011 09:33 AM
Silverclaw
Silverclaw  
Posts: 379
Member

I suffer with bp hypersexuality, but I've never cheated on my husband, I direct that energy to him instead! Bp is an illness, not an excuse! But I must point this out, if people condone bad behavior from a person and allow them to use excuses to not have to take responsibility, they will continue their bad behavior! It works with everyone, not just people with bp! I know people who don't have bp that get away with all sorts of stuff, because their spouses think the excuse was legit and keeps forgiving them time after time! Basically, if a person goes through life making excuses for their wrongs, and people let them get away with it, it reinforces their bad behavior! If a person has to take responsibility for their actions, they put out the effort to control themselves! It is basic human nature, not basic bipolar nature!

12/30/2011 11:08 AM
BowBP
Posts: 7
Member

I for one can say I have cheated...Not because I wanted to, but that's not important. I am taking sole responsibility for my actions. They are not exceptable and I am so ashamed of my self. I was not medicated at the time and had little to no control over most of my life when in a manic state. Belive me when you say that ppl with BP think it is ok bc of that it is not. I am the hardest on myself. I've lost the best thing that ever happened to me. My family due to this fact. This is something "I" have to live with everyday. I never intended to make anyone my doormat and believe you me when I say I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to take control of my life, I am. I have Bipolar It DOESN'T have me!!!!!! I will love my family for ever, I will always love the girl of my dreams. It's a hard pill to swallow, but knowing that this is the case then I live alone, praying to God for his grace, knowing that I am doing all I can do for me to be the TRUE MAN I AM! Think what you want say what you'd like. Nothing you or anyone else says can be as hard or hurtful as what's been going on in my head and how hard I am on myself...I pray for the the best for me and if in god's power or plan then there may be the possibility for the real me to shine in control and not over powered. Stable and on the right path!

Post edited by: BowBP, at: 12/30/2011 11:09 AM

Post edited by: BowBP, at: 12/30/2011 02:13 PM


12/30/2011 11:38 AM
lken
lken  
Posts: 2828
VIP Member

i think people who cheat are going to do so if they were bipolar or not, most people who go outside of there sphere. think there urges or worth more than there relationships.
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