Bad couple of weeks

I have been going through some really intense mixed mania for th last two weeks. I was sensitive, and aggitated all week, last week, and then, I had a couple of episodes. Last weekend, I had a really bad episode, and took it out on my boyfriend. We were both hurt by a conversation we had. I tried to take a time out, and tried to use all my coping skills. I finally pushed him verbally, and we got into an argument and it excelated into a really big fight. We both said some really mean things to each other.I have been really feeling guilty about how, I treated him. I also was mad about how he treated me.

I was manic, and got really angry at him yesterday. I finally told him, I needed some space to get my center back. I got my meds adjusted a couple of days ago. I knew I wasn't doing so good. I was really worried about my behavior, and was afraid, if, I didn't get some time out, I might act out again. I have been angry, and worrying, and obsessing all day.

When, I am manic, I just want to be left alone. I have been pushing my family away, and won't let my boyfriend sleep in the bed with me.He takes it really personal.

Since, I got diagnosed and started meds, and therapy, I have been going through trying to find out who, I am, and dealing with emosional stuff, that has been brought up in counseling. This has been a big change in my life.

I tried to explain this to him the day of our big fight.

He tries to understand the bipolar, but, doesn't know how to deal with it very well. I was being honest about where I was at, and got mad at him for taking it badly.

So anyway, I just needed to get this out. Thanks for letting me vent. I just get so frustrated sometimes.

I can take my meds, go to therapy, and talk to friends, about what's going on, I even journaled. The symptoms want to rear their ugly head anyway.

Thanks, Gypsy

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(((((HUG)))))

Have you taken your boyfriend to one of your therapy sessions? perhaps that would help him to understand what it going on.

My boyfriend wont go to any kind of therapy. That's part of the problem. He is a dry drunk, and doesn't go to AA very often. He is stuborn about doing anything about his own behavior. I get really frustrated with him. Everytime I want to talk to him about something he doesn't want to hear, he says I am manic, or want to argue. He is on his inferon treatments, and they make him have mental problems. He gets irritable. I get tired of him taking it out on me and my kids. I get sick and tired of it, and have to let him know. So, that's kind of what happened. I finally got fed up, and blew up. The bipolar doesn't help the situation.

While blowing up doesn't help the problem any, it does give us release for the pent up anger.