Bipolar Support Group

Hi everyone,

Thanks again for your continued responses and support in response to my last posting. I'm about a week into this diagnosis and, well, I can't really say that acceptance is coming any easier. My head is non-stop and back and forth. I tried to write about it on my blog (redeemedsocialite.com) and it took HOURS to say what I wanted to say. Suddenly I don't trust my brain anymore. My anxiety is off the charts, my irritable mood is unending and it takes every ounce of effort to not quit my job - every day. I can only assume I'm making my boyfriend crazy. Whereas before I had a mild aversion to knives and mirrors, that no one knew about, now they *scare* me and I can't hide it. What? How does one get so much worse in a week??

I guess I have questions, and y'all are so helpful I was hoping you'd be willing to answer.

I'm wondering if anyone can share a story of their own normal life (normal by the standards of those around them, and for the most part themselves), gotten a diagnosis and NOT taken medication. Did you get worse? What happened?

What about someone like that who DID take medication? Did you get better at normal? What happened?

Thanks.

By the time I started treatment I was totally ate up so I don't fit into your parameters. Good luck to you in whatever you decide. It's definitely an uphill battle and it may always be that way. It has for me.

Did you know, when you were getting "ate up", that something was happening, that something was wrong? Or did you feel pretty okay?

I had no idea of what was really going, but I knew that my life was completely out of control. I graduated UMSL with a 3.6. Up till then I had had plenty of depression, insomnia, tremendous anger, and things like that, but I had been able to hold things together, although there were plenty of angry outbursts, insomnia, and suicidal thinking since childhood. I then got married, had an excellent job 2 days before graduation, moved up the ladder twice after only 5 months and was making heavy $ for that time and my age. My wife became pregnant soon after marriage and she already had 2 kids of her own. Our apartment burnt down(no injuries) right before I was promoted the second time and that's when my hold on reality loosened and then collapsed. It was diagnosed as depression, but quickly it became apparent that I had bp.

Unfortunately for me they used anti-depressants along with mood stabilizers and AAP's for many years. Those AD drugs kindled me which is permanent. Due to being kindled by those years of AD "therapy," I ultra rapid cycle. It is very ordinary for me to cycle many times a week and often times more than once per day. So be careful, stay away from AD's.

Kindling is well discussed at

http://www.psycheducation.org/bipolar/controversy.htm

This is all pretty new to me... I don't even know what "kindled" means. :O I'll do some more research. Thanks for sharing your story.

Most beepers(people with bp) are not aware of kindling. I put that link in there. Many pdocs are reluctant to prescribe AD drugs due to the way they often times cause way more problems for the beeper than were already present. Also, there is a lack of solid evidence that AD's work for beepers. Our depression is thought to be caused by different things than those with unipolar depression. I'm far from being where I'd like to be, but much better than while on AD's. Too bad for me and other beepers who have been kindled, we quit them too late.

I thought a beeper was a pager, or perhaps the noise the garbage truck makes as it backs up?

I am NOT a beeper. I am a person who has bipolar disorder. BIG DIFFERENCE.

A 'Beeper'? Sounds like something out of the mouth of a teeny-bopper. I am a person who has Bipolar Disorder. It sounds rather dismissive to call us beepers, just like calling homosexuals 'Homos", bisexuals "BIs" or people with any mental disorder "Tards".

While I can shake it off and just say "I only beep when cussing on TV!"we have more sensitive people here who take it as another assult on us as not being 'Normal".

Just saying.

My life was pretty normal before I was diagnosed. I was functional, other than having chronic insomnia. My insomnia is what finally drove me to see a pdoc. I also had racing thoughts and irritability, but everyone including me just put it down to my being "high strung". My winter depressions were attributed to SAD.

The pdoc diagnosed me with bipolar disorder after our first session and I went on medication. I had some bad reactions to the first few I tried, but when he put me on Abilify, everything in my life got better. No more irritability, very few racing thoughts and no more insomnia (thanks to Seroquel.

I didn't realize how much I was affected by my bipolar disorder until I found the right meds. It's amazing how you can adapt to things. I'm thankful every day that I was diagnosed and medicated.