Bipolar Support Group

I am really working my hiney off at trying to appear happy and normal today. I don't feel happy or normal, but it's what people want from me in this small town. do any of you ever get tired of trying to keep up the apperance?

There are days when I feel like hiding or lashing out and I put on a fake smiley face for my workplace. I work with the public and good customer service doesn't allow me the freedom to tell customers what I sometimes think of them. But sometimes it gets so bad that I have to walk away and ask a coworker to finish the transaction. At least sometimes I know when I'm going to blow.

fake it till you make it...dont forget to take time for you though.

I put up appearances for most of my teenage years and when I started college it triggered my first hardcore episode. Since then I've been pretty terrible at keeping up the appearance of normal. I sometimes try around my friends, but I don't bother with my bf and family. It takes too much energy and I just don't care enough.

I have problems with this from time to time. Especially at work. In addition to managing my department, I am also responsible for maintaining a healthy work cutlure. So no room for negativity there! So, when there are times that I get pissy, that is when I first say a little prayer. Second, I envision someone I admire ( such as my director) and I ask myself how would she act. That usually gets me through it until I get in a better mood.

there are times in my life i felt like i was always wearing a happy mask. i'd pretend to be happy bubbly and together when really i felt like a mess.

to me, "keeping up appearances" is just another way of saying "i'm ashamed and embarrasses about who i am". I spent waaaayyyy too many years doing THAT, and it just added to my misery. NOW i tell anyone who will stand still long enough that i'm bipolar - this way, i dont have to hide and they know what to expect from me. if they run for their life, so be it... NEXT! lol

I guess I am ashamed. I am working on it Kim, and it hurts when people tell me things like "your kids need you to be happy". Seriously, this is a 2 stoplight town, and they would never get it....hiding is all I can do right now.

A big part of me wants to do just that. Tell everyone at work and see who my real friends are. Problem with that approach is that I live in a small professional world and would not be able to find a job after that It wasn't so long ago that I would have been concerned about a potential hire with BP. Now its me.

if there is one phrase that should be stricken from our vocabulary it's 'fake it til you make it.' it's tough enough dealing with bipolar or anxiety or addiction without the extra pressure of hiding it from the world and in a way from yourself. pretending it's not there will not make it go away or magically be cured.