Bipolar Support Group

Hi everyone. I've come to you for support and to hopefully tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I met my husband over 12 years ago while in college. It was a romance that progressed quickly. It got pretty serious fairly quickly. We were just kids so I excused his "cheating" as childish behavior and although we broke up a few times we always ended up back together. I gave him lots of ultimatums and he never had a good reason for his behavior but was always very sorry and willing to do whatever it took.

I became very ill and he stood by my side and that was a pivotal point in our relationship. He started going to mass with me and even converted to Catholicism. At that point I realized that this was someone I wanted to be with forever. I felt he had changed. I felt his mistakes were just immaturity and age related.

Well, fast forward to now. We have been married for a few years (together for much longer) and I am still catching him in white lies (mainly centered around purchases/money). Most of these things he wanted I would have said no so he decided he would just buy them and not tell me. We have a new baby and he is starting to tell me he feels like he may need help. He lost his job this summer and has been at an all time low. I believe he knows at this point I'm serious about him improving himself because he doesn't want to lose his family.

Well, turns out the psychiatrist believes he has BPD. Seriously? This scares the hell out of me! The funny thing is I was thinking he had a Narcissistic Personality disorder (the I want what I want when I want it) but apparently he has all the signs of BPD. His parents are both mentally ill and alcoholics and my MIL is text book BPD after reading up on everything. They are a big source of our arguments too. I can't stand them and their guilt ridden sick behavior. It infuriates me to no end. He also can't stand it but they are his parents and I'm no longer sensitive to that. I know I need to do better but I'm tired of their mental games.

My husbands signs include :impulsive behavior, sexual overdrive (at times), extreme lows during disagreements and moody. He recently lost his job and this has triggered this depressive state. However, he doesn't have issues sleeping, extreme highs, excessive talking, etc. I guess I can see it but I would call it mild? Or maybe I'm in denial. He's not text book BPD in my opinion. Whatever that may be.

He said he doesn't want to be labeled. It will affect him getting life insurance, health insurance and he doesn't want to take medicine. He says he won't be able to even have a beer with the guys. He's a casual drinker and enjoys 2-4 drinks per week. However, if he truly suffers from this I'm not sure not medicating is an option? Can behavior therapy alone help him? I think he will be devoted to do whatever he needs to do but were both in a state of denial over this.

Any advice, suggestions, support would be appreciate.

medication medication medication.......it helps and yeah therapy is a must.

How can someone be dx with this in less than an hour when he doesn't even show a lot of the symptoms? Am I in serious denial or justified in my thought process? I would just think something this profound would take more time to figure out...right?

When I read those symptoms, I am also surprised at such a quick diagnosis. Has he had other depressive periods, besides when you're not getting along and since he lost his job? The diagnosis takes time. What more did the doctor say? Did he/she recommend certain medications? on-going therapy? With more therapy he/she might be better able to diagnose this. But don't be scared, medication, therapy and taking good care of oneself go a long way toward maintaining a "normal" life with bipolar. This group is also a tremendous source of support.

Goingstrong: I do not consider myself an expert but I am a Psych. major and have a general knowledge and while I truly believe his Mom is BP I'm having a hard time accepting this diagnosis. He just found this practice (large one) via an online search. I think I'd like a second opinion before he starts prescribing serious meds. These depressive episodes are only centered around hard times (my father's passing, job loss, arguments, etc). He is generally a happy guy. And he's pretty calm too. He internalizes his feelings but what men don't? Sorry to generalize but you get my point. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know he's been selfish in his actions to get what he wants but I'm not convinced it's BP. The doctor wants to discuss meds next week!? I feel like this is being rushed. What would you suggest? 2nd opinion? I plan to go with him next week because he's skeptical too.

Post edited by: decmom, at: 11/21/2011 06:02 PM

As you know, I am also not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I was only diagnosed 2 years ago and I'm always learning more, but am FAR from an expert on any of this. My diagnosis was not evaluated and decided over a long period of time because I had a rather psychotic experience, which I say to make clear that I don't have experience with the steps that a careful diagnosis would entail. Having a mother who is bipolar greatly increases the odds of being bipolar oneself, so that should be taken seriously. I think going in with your husband and getting all of your questions answered, pointing out your hesitations, will really help you a. accept this, b. take more time to get a more certain diagnosis, or c. get an immediate second opinion. I know many people did not get diagnosed for long periods of time and wish that they had, and I would hate to suggest you wait if your husband would be greatly aided by medication, so I suggest you hear the doctor out and carefully consider what seems right for your family.

Hi there and welcome. I'm not a professional in the field of psychology either. I was diagnosed quickly though and I have to say my life changed for the better a lot from medications. If his mom has bipolar, he really could have it. The spending money is a strong sign. The talking a lot, impulsiveness, and sexual overdrive at times sound like mania or hypo-mania. Bipolar 1 type has more mania than depression. Bipolar 2 type only has hypo-mania and more depression than hypo-mania. I would get a second opinion if you are doubting the diagnosis. My hypo-mania is anger and irritability and racing thought. I don't have any changes in my sleep except with depression. I sleep a lot. I don't get insomnia or stay up for days on end. I hope you can get this figured out. Just letting you know that I did get diagnosed quick and it was right. I am stable now because of medications. If he isn't bipolar though, I don't know what the medications could do to him. Let us know what you find out. You can learn a lot about bipolar here and you will get a whole lot of support. I hope you stick around. Welcome to the group!!

We are debating whether to return next week or not. Without a job we are paying out of pocket and he's open to treatment but he feels nervous about the quick diagnosis especially when he doesn't seem to fit the text book definition of BP. He has made it clear he'll do what it takes but we have doubts.

Any advice? He doesn't have a primary care doc because he rarely goes. Should I call mine and ask on his behalf for a referral?

Post edited by: decmom, at: 11/22/2011 04:26 AM

If I were you I'd go to the appointment next week and talk to the psychiatrist about your doubts. They may make him reconsider his diagnosis, or he may convince you that your husband has bipolar disorder.

I was diagnosed the first session with my pdoc and he was right. I am doing so much better on my medications. My diagnosis was pretty easy, though, since I have a lot of the symptoms of both depression and hypomania.

Your husband may be what my pdoc calls "bipolarish", meaning he doesn't have all of the textbook symptoms but would benefit from bipolar medicines.

If you still disagree with the pdoc after the next session, I would then seek a second opinion. I know pdocs are expensive, but it's money well spent if you get the right diagnosis and treatment.

Good advice. Thanks.