Bipolar Support Group

Now what do I do? I have been pretty certain that my husband of 2 1/2 years has BiPolar. However he never has been diagnosed. He has had episodes of rage and anger, looking for other woman, etc before. But he has never hit me.

This past weekend though after I caught him searching on the internet looking for women to have an affair with, he went balistic. He denied the whole thing. Picked the monitor and threw it at me. I yelled at him and left and locked myself in my room.

The next morning he still was yelling and screaming, tried to choke me, slugged me and broke a bunch of stuff in our home. He left - I called the police. He was arrested and spent the weekend in jail.

Now he has been very apologetic. But I just don't know what to do. He isn't back in the house (no contact order) but I have talked to him on the phone. I know I shouldn't but. He did tell me that he FINALLY went to the doctor. I am sure he just told the doc that he has been depressed. The doctor gave him LexaPro.

But what do I do now? After reading about BiPolar, it seems that the person can't really control themselves. I do love him but I can't live like this. What do I do? How can I really believe that he will get help this time??

Please help

Honey...do not let him near you. And the no contact order is for a reason...contact your local Spouse Abuse group...they can help you. Bipolar disorder is no excuse for abusing someone...ever...

Stay away from him...and make him stay away from you....he is an abuser... Take some time away from him to gain perspective...and get into therapy...NOW...to keep you from being sucked back into an abusive relationship...

If you feel threatened then GET OUT!!! Bipolar is not an excuse for domestic violence. You have to protect yourself.

You have to hold him accountable, What he did is criminal and completely unacceptable. Perhaps the arrest will be a turing point for him. Maybe not.

I have said this to people hundreds of times. Men who hit women kill women. If he does not get his behavior under control, you are in grave danger. Do not back down from any impending legal proceedings resulting from his arrest.

From your post, it seems that you felt like talking to him on the phone was the wrong thing to do. Go with your gut on this. Your fear and doubt are trying to protect you. Is anything keeping you from ending this relationship entirely, other than the marriage certificate? Violence is certainly adequate grounds for divorce.

You have to protect yourself.

Post edited by: petermason2000, at: 01/17/2009 21:21

BPers CAN control themselves. Sometimes we CHOOSE not to... Lexapro is not going to help his anger/rage and mania. It will only help depression and THAT is not what made him hit you. Do you have kids? Stay away from him and MAKE him stay away from you- at least until he sees a psychiatrist and has time completely away from you to manage his anger. Classes and meds can help. IF you go back to him so soon, you are an enabler and sorry to sound harsh, but are allowing him to do the same thing again. I have seen people maybe push someone else when manic or depressed, but what he did went WAY beyond that! Reread your first post from a different point of view and you will see how bad it really is. Did he ever push, threaten, shove, verbally abuse,etc. you before this? He needs help and you need space to figure out what to do. I would let him sit a bit and not even talk on the phone. No matter what- no one ever ever deserves to be hit. Oh... and by the way, I understand how you feel. You love him. BUT you must love yourself first... not saying you should never go back... but it will take lots of counselling, therapy, meds for him, forgiveness from you, etc. IT WILL be hard either way, but we are here for you. If you do take him back, lay down the ground rules about his actions and his computer usage. Check his history and hold the man accountable. My husband sometimes checks my emails and pc usage and when I am 'guilty' or hypomanic or depressed it really pisses me off, but you know what- tough. I am the reason he has to check it in the first place. Best of luck. Keep us posted.

everything that everyone else has said here is truth. domestic violence is always wrong. every time, in every way it is committed, whether the abuser is drunk, sober, black, white, green or bipolar. never let a man who would hit you even once come near you ever again.

No excuse for that. None. I'm BP and to me any kind of physical abuse is intolerable. the illness is no excuse. you don't deserve that. you did nothing wrong.

and even if you HAD done something wrong, it is still no excuse!

Yea ive been in a rage as you say before myself but there is still something that says this isnt right. your husband had no right to touch in a harmful way. stay away from him. bp is no excuse to hurt someone

no excuse for violence never. don't let him touch you again, stay aay and protect yourself from him. he's a man you are a woman, he should protect you not hit you.

kisses

christine

Thanks for all your answers. It truly is hard. It hurts so much that he can just become a different person during these times. Truly a Jeckyl and Hyde. When he isn't in the "episode" he is the most wonderful caring man. But then he gets the depression and eventually he changes into the Psycho crazy person. Just hard to believe that someone can change like that so quickly. And that he can throw away our life just like that.

Luckily our kids are grown. (This is a second marriage for both of us). It is still hard on them though. His daughter won't talk to me (too much stress for her??) Which really hurts since we were really close before. In fact, when the cops came I called and told her and she congratulated me for doing it. Told me that finally maybe her dad would have to be accountable for his actions.

So what do I do? Just give up on the whole thing? Or do I just lay down the rules - he gets help or it is over? I already told him that and he is in agreement. Although he says he will "have too because it will be ordered through the court". So how will I know after he finally goes to counseling that it can help??

I agree I need to get help too. Problem is it is very expensive (no insurance) and as most of you know with BP money is extremely tight.

Thanks again for all your support. I feel like I am in a fog and have no idea what to do??