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10/24/2011 10:51 AM

Can I get off now, please?

GirlDotson
GirlDotson  
Posts: 469
Member

I am having another bad day. I haven't had a normal stretc in equite a while. This bipolar rollarcoaster makes me want to give up. I'm happy, then happy to tthe gills, then irritable or angry, then sad. Over and over again. Had a wonderful weekend with my family. Woke up ready to start the day, then around 8 this morning, everything just went down hill. Pdoc was talking about adding lithium to my regimine (25 mg Zoloft in the am, and 150 mg of lamictal at night) as a mood stabilizer, but since out insurance changed, agin, I'm not sure if he will now or not.

On days when I'm manicy, I am either really irritable, which is mostly how it manifests, or pretty happy. Then comes the crash to sadness and emotional overload.

I'm in school right now completing pre-req's for nursing school, and these ups and down are really starting to affect my grades. I'm just so frustrated most of the time. My mania is more hazrdous than it is helful. I get irritable or angry and snap at everyone and become withdrawn. Only sometimes am I really up. Then comes the crash into sadness and feeling overwhelmed.

I just want a break from being bipolar. It seems like that is all I can think about. Is this me or the bp? Am I really just irritable or is it the bp? Am I supposed to be this happy or is it the bp? I am so sick of taking meds. Not because I don't want to take them, but because I can't seem to find the right combo, and if I do happen to miss a day or two, the episodes are 10x as bad. I try really hard not to miss, but sometimes it just happens.

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10/24/2011 02:54 PM
GirlDotson
GirlDotson  
Posts: 469
Member

It's an I hate me day. Everything about me. Why don't I put more time in studying? Why don't I keep a cleaner house. Why don't I cook dinner like a normal mom? Why can't I just be normal like other people? I am disfunctional, stupid, depleted. This is stupid. I hate me and people today. What the hell is worng with me? I can't even make myself cry to feel better.

10/24/2011 03:45 PM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

I'm sorry you are having such a bad day. Please don't beat yourself up. I'm sure you're doing the best that you can and that's all any of us can do.

10/24/2011 05:30 PM
YorkieLove
YorkieLove  
Posts: 7033
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Lithium is actually very reasonable and very effective, at least for me. I think you should pursue this with all due attention with your pdoc.

I am a student too, so I can just imagine how stressful this is for you. You are a strong, courageous woman to have overcome the obstacles you have. You have a right to be tired. Give yourself a break from the self recriminations. You are doing the best you can and no one can expect more than that.


10/24/2011 08:02 PM
GirlDotson
GirlDotson  
Posts: 469
Member

You guys are so supportive. Crappy, crappy day, and I come back on here and your words of encouragement are the things that actually brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much. Thank you, MDJunction.

I read somewhere that even though today may feel like the end of the world, tomorrow is a new day. I've been telling myself that all day.


10/24/2011 08:26 PM
cptblack
cptblack  
Posts: 12381
VIP Member

You do know Seasonal Disaffective Disorder is in full swing this time of year? And maybe the new meds will help. But maybe, just maybe, your surrounded by a bunch of buttskis! Laughing

You can only do what you can. Are you in a program to help make accomedations for your 'disability' at school? I hope so.

I wish you luck GD.


10/25/2011 06:25 PM
GirlDotson
GirlDotson  
Posts: 469
Member

Hw ca one day be SO bad, and the next so completely normal?

Cptblack, I did talk to the students with disabilities office about accomadations. They said I need documentation from my doc with what accom. I am looking for, like note taking and extended test taking time. Thanks for that advice!


10/25/2011 07:46 PM
geeknfresh
geeknfreshPosts: 13
Member

I'm new, but I'm glad you had a better day today than you had yesterday. That gives me hope Smile
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