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10/22/2011 08:50 AM

How do you think your BP has affected your SO?

Cthebird
Cthebird  
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[If you don't have a significant other then please substitute family, or include family with your SO.]

In my case, my husband has tried very hard to be strong during the last 6 years but during the period of my multiple hospitalizations he broke down. My husband has unipolar depression and had been fine for several years, but seeing me manic and mixed manic with periods of extreme anxiety was too much. I was also having my first seizures to boot. He went out on private disability for a few months, and we were both home during that time. When he went back to work he struggled to get back into the swing of things. As time went by he improved, but now he is getting a little depressed again, but I don't know if that is because of me. For these 6 years he has almost been like a nurturing father than a husband. Does that sound horrible, or what? I don't like it, and I don't think it will change until I get a job. I'm currently still mildly depressed, but am trying to do volunteer work to get myself back into the swing of things. I hope I do soon. I want to be a support to my husband for a change.

Post edited by: Cthebird, at: 10/22/2011 08:51 AM

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10/22/2011 09:11 AM
YorkieLove
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I was under a lot of stress at home and work, so began cycling. I was irritable and depressed in turns. I became hypomanic, wracked up a lot of debt, had an affair, left my then husband, got pregnant, then miscarried. Then, I had a nervous breakdown and couldn't leave the bed for long periods of time. I never really recovered until I was diagnosed..Even after treatment I had a suicide attempt. I really put my then husband through a lot. Bless his heart.

10/22/2011 09:44 AM
JustJulie62
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Me too, my husband is starting to feel like a caregiver, and I want to make sure his needs are being met. If business would pick up or a gem of a new job oppty, that would help both of us!

10/22/2011 09:51 AM
centerseeker
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I have been so volatile, so constantly critical and angry that my husband has been on pins and needles. I really have been tearing at him for awhile now. I remember one time breaking down in the middle of screaming to fall into his arms crying 'somethings wrong with me and I don't want to be this way!'

I think being treated this way in his own home has shaken him more than a little. I feel so horrible about it all but it is like I couldn't help it. Things have been so much better since meds and therapy but there have been times...and of course it's only since the beginning of May that I have been diagnosed.

Our home is a disaster. I am a stay at home mom and have all day but have trouble keeping it together. My two year old is no reason. He amuses himself really well, certainly enough for me to put away a load of laundry. I imagine being the only child of a sometimes too depressed to talk mom built that skill.

Sigh. They have both been affected for sure. I need to look back enough to understand but not so much that I depress the hell out of myself and wing into a wicked cycle. Thanks for starting this thread. It's sure got me thinking about my husband and son in all this.


10/22/2011 11:47 AM
2ofme
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My wife just simply refuses to accept it because it does not paint the perfect picture that she has etched in her brain. She even goes so far as to refer to my Psychiatrist, Psychologist and Substance Abuse Therapist as "THOSE PEOPLE" The odd twist to that logic though is: The Psychiatrist is Director of the Psychiatric Therapy Department at the Regional Health Center, the Psychologist is a PhD and is Director of the Mental Health and Counseling Services Department of the Regional Health Center, and the Substance Abuse Therapist is Director of the Substance Abuse Department at the Regional Health Center as well as several others in and around the metropolitan area. THOSE PEOPLE are specialists in their chosen fields and certainly are not dummies when it comes to these sort of things. But ... none the less ... my being Bipolar, suffering from Anxiety and Depressions, coupled with PTSD and ADD doesn't 'fit' the image. I trust she loves me ... in 'her own way' ... but I'm not so certain it's a way that is healthy for me.

10/22/2011 11:58 AM
Bangbang
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My marriage has been bad for many years now because we both have mental health issues. She refuses to get help and did not accept my diagnosis for many years. We have put each other through some very hard things. My wife tried to kill her slef 3 times. She is BPD and I am Bipolar II, I suffered from hpersexualality and this caused my wife a lot of grief. I am also an alcoholic. ...self medicating for decades. We even tried an open marriage for about 10 years. The love just is not there anymore.

10/22/2011 12:18 PM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4547
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He's affected because he doesn't exist. I present as unapproachable. I don't trust people with intimate information because it inevitably leads to the bipolar and all these pills. I'm afraid he won't understand, and I'm afraid he'll say that he DOES understand (no he doesn't, not even a little -- it takes a lot to understand -- how can he think it's all so simple?). It's hard to hide the bipolar without hiding myself entirely. Plus I was raised to never show emotion, feelings, or distress, that these feelings make others feel upset and overwhelmed. I was taught this very early on. I was taught to be stoic. Even if I found an understanding guy, it would be very hard to tell him about it. About how bad I can feel, and have him still like me the next day. When I turned 35 I became frantic as I began to believe that certain life events I'd always assumed would happen -- most notibly a husband / partner and kids -- would never happen. Because of the bipolar, I don't think my SO exists.

Z

Post edited by: ZadieBlue, at: 10/22/2011 12:22 PM


10/22/2011 12:56 PM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6811
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The financial burden has fallen completely on my husband because I can't work. I don't handle stress well, so he has to deal with a lot of things on his own that we should be handling as a couple.

10/22/2011 01:07 PM
2ofme
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I so agree with you, 'Catbaloo', but so often it does not work out that way for the 'normal' person. They wouldn't abandon their spouse if they had cancer, or a heart disease, but a 'mental illness' seemingly too often is a totally different issue. It's the 'social stigma' that takes it's toll ... not the illness itself ... and that is only out of ignorance of the general population within our society. Many of us can lead a perfectly normal life if society would allow us to do so.

10/22/2011 03:12 PM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4547
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Lemme say this: I do a helluva lot to remain stable and to learn about myself so that oneday I will completely accept my condition, the trauma it has caused, and to be able to feel genuinely, naturally happy. I try SO hard with my tdoc (2x per week) and pdoc (1x per month) and have been with them (colleagues) for almost eight years. It takes me 1 1/2 to 2 hours to reach their office from my home (that's 3-4 hours round trip, longer when construction occurs). It costs me a small fortune, and I'm pretty poor (I sometimes skip meals to save money; for reasons too complicated to explain, I do not qualify for SSDI. The local YMCA even refused me a scholarship).

Sometimes I'm too tired or depressed to function, I'll give you that -- But when able, I really work it. So it pisses me off tremendously (!!!) when I'm dating a guy who is not only lacking in self-awareness, but has obvious irritating flaws and habits. If one were to be keeping score by today's social standards, the guy could be a total beast, but I'd be the villain and the obvious cause of the break-up because I have Bipolar. Certainly he could tell all of his friends that the relationship crumbled due to my mental illness, even if he's cheated on me ten times over! It will always be my fault. I feel like the guy often gains carte blanche when he hears of my illness. I've considered keeping it a permanent secret, but I hate hiding and swallowing pills in the bathroom behind his back. Not so much because of the secretive behavior, but because day after day after day it's a major pain in the ass! And, well, yeah, okay, I hate lying to people.

A quick word about my "SOs" my parents: They refuse to educate themselves. No Googling, no pamphlets, no curiosity or concern whatsoever. It really does hurt, but I've worked on it in therapy to better understand their strange reaction. I mean, they know of at least a couple suicide attempts, but they don't seem to wonder how or why this behavior could occur. However, my brother goes to jail and they're all over it, traveling across the country to see him, researching extensively, sending care packages . . . I used to be the golden child (perfectionist), but that got blown to bits upon diagnosis. I attended a top ten university -- the other day my father said: "A lot of good THAT did". I graduated with honors and was first in my grad school class. JERK!!! (Whatever, he's really been getting his drink on lately -- I see Al-Anon in my future). Meanwhile, my mother remains silent. He's been drunk and argumentative, specifically seeking me out to push my buttons, especially regarding: 1). Bipolar blah blah blah (I stop listening), and 2). Yeah I've lost a lot of weight, but I'm going to gain back all the weight because I lack willpower, the type of willpower my father professes to have. He's drunk, but I'm once again the villain because I have psychiatric problems. Sometimes people can be sooooooooo disappointing . . . .

Zadie

Post edited by: ZadieBlue, at: 10/22/2011 03:22 PM

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