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10/19/2011 11:28 AM

Prisoner release...Scared

JustJulie62
JustJulie62Posts: 925
Member

I am posting in this group, since it is the most active and where most of my friends reside.

About 6 years ago I met a man at an AA/NA function...and made the assumption he was on the path to recovery since he was in attendance. He was extremely alluring/handsome...he told me he served time in prison - but wanted me to get to know him before I passed judgment. Made a point of telling me "I would never hurt you, you know" (never had anyone tell me that before).

I assumed his crime surrounded drugs or theft due to drug use, I let him move in with me short term while he found a new place to live. One day I snooped through his files and found out his crime...it was for rape (including a long rap sheet for other crimes, numerous assaults against women/young girls), he received a 25 year sentence...so he spent two decades behind bars. When I discussed this with him and shared my fears, he claimed he was innocent but I told him that may be the truth, but that I couldn't have him living with me (grown kids and grandchildren)in the most compassionate way I could....-he pitched a fit saying "every woman in my life has fucked me over, including you"...after he moved he apologized. I said we could be distant friends - no intimacy, no drinking...we basically went to breakfast or a movie once in awhile. Then I slowly backed away completely.

Eventually he started drinking again, ended up beating up three guys in a bar-throwing one through a window...and was arrested and returned to prison for violating his parole (federal). He wrote to me several times from prison - trying to win back my affections or get me to send money, not really sure - but I never wrote back.

Today I received an email from his old parole officer advising me that he was released and is not on federal parole anymore. He was released to a town 2 hours from me, but the same town my son lives in.

He strikes me as a man who might seek retribution and harm my family - he knows how tight my son and I are (one of the reasons I think he never hurt me, because his mother was witch and abused him, he always said what a great mom I was)...however, he never exhibited true emotional stability and was a very good actor/manipulator.

Getting that email this morning sent shivers down my back....and I immediately text msg my son....warning him about his release (thankfully my son doesn't live at the same address he used to) - and if he ran into him to run the other way.

There is a slight chance I supposed he could find me and cause harm. I live in a different place, my address is not published anywhere (that I know of) but my P.O. box and town I live in can easily be found if he Googles my name..I have a website for business.

Freaking out a little here...maybe there is nothing to worry about, but then why am I shaking in my skin?

Now I have to tell my husband about him/it....I feel embarrassed because when I met "G" (the guy being released) I really tried to not hold his past against him....and that was a mistake.

I am scared.

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10/19/2011 12:23 PM
cptblack
cptblack  
Posts: 12381
VIP Member

Julie, Arauna and I are both trying to initiate chats with you.

10/19/2011 01:02 PM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4547
VIP Member

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through something similar -- I dated a guy, got duped, there was a big blowout (he was psychotic at the time). I started feeling better as the years went by, though my phone and address remain unpublished. Then my tdoc suggested I look him up on the Internet to show myself that he wasn't as scary as I'd imagined. I was really hoping he'd since gotten married and had a few children, normalized. Instead, I came across a police blotter -- apparently he's now really really into guns, and he's landed in jail a few times. I totally f-ing flipped out, panicked. I pictured him hunting me down and hurting me.

Only two things made me feel better (but not totally relieved): First of all, logic tells me that there must be other, more important people for him to hunt down. Out of all people, why would he spend his life in jail because of little ol' me??? Secondly, he's really very stupid. He doesn't own a single book. He hatches plans thinking he's 007, but they always backfire because he is dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Nevertheless, I check out the Internet every once in a while to find out where he's living. This is not fullproof however -- he was living in Georgia but got arrested at the US / Canadian border on a weapons charge. The fact that he drove anywhere in my general direction gives me the chills.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Take care,

Zadie


10/19/2011 01:53 PM
JustJulie62
JustJulie62Posts: 925
Member

Thanks Zadie,

I talked to Auruna on the phone, she had some helpful tips...I was shocked to learn of a website www.spokeo.com that lists personal info: put my name in and it shows all the places I lived (except California...where I grew up) - MA, Utah and now OR...shows my street address but not house #. I wrote to them requesting they remove it.

Maybe I am being paranoid....he is just too close for comfort. I worry he will hurt my son to get to me. And I can't stop kicking myself for even allowing him in my life back then. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Praying he finds another victim (but I don't really)...so he leaves me alone. That makes me feel guilty.

Anyway, thank you, thank you for writing....I hate feeling scared and I am mad as hell that I will need to keep looking over my shoulder..he is a sneaky bastard.


10/19/2011 05:02 PM
Arauna

Julie, don't beat yourself up over this. Yes, it is scary and you and your family need to take steps to protect yourselves. But, as you said, he was alluring and handsome, and I would be willing to bet charming and funny as well. Most psychopaths can seem so normal its scary. You didn't do anything wrong!!

Your anger is justified. So is your fear. But honestly, the one thing I forgot to tell you today, is that statistically there is a low probability he will show up. So take a deep breath even as you look over your shoulder - there may not be a bogeyman there after all.

You have lots of support here. We will be here if you need us. You have my number if you get scared, and all you have to do is tell me you need me to listen. You know, the whole bipolar and can't shut up thing Wink

Post edited by: Arauna, at: 10/19/2011 05:03 PM


10/19/2011 05:40 PM
bfly
bfly  
Posts: 4078
VIP Member

My thoughts are with you on this one Julie, glad you posted. I can respect your fear. I think you handled the "active situation" very well by setting up your boundaries once you found out what he had done- protected yourself and your family. Sorry you got involved with him at all... but I agree that sociopaths can be very charming and kind... they get you where they want you before they "strike". I'm glad you are safe right now and I'm glad you seem to have some good support available to you. Take full advantage of it! Blessings.

10/19/2011 07:20 PM
TrixaLady
TrixaLady  
Posts: 1288
Senior Member

I'm officially against Spokeo. It disconcerting to think of your personal information being so accessible.

10/19/2011 07:52 PM
MadAsAHatter
MadAsAHatter  
Posts: 206
Member
I'm an Advocate

If he is a sex offender you should be able to find his location online, or at least his address. If you are really scared, try making friends with the local police so if you feel the need to call them you aren't talking to strangers. I find just knowing police officers makes me feel safe.

I don't know the guy but I wouldn't assume he's going to come for any kind of payback. I wouldn't necessarily give him the benefit of the doubt, but don't let his release rule your life and cause you a fearful disturbance.

EDIT: Also, apparently you can remove your information from Spokeo (but not the site it got the info). (Website deleted by sarahtroy, per Terms & Conditions)

Post edited by: MadAsAHatter, at: 10/19/2011 08:02 PM

Post edited by: sarahtroy, at: 10/19/2011 09:23 PM


10/19/2011 08:18 PM
JustJulie62
JustJulie62Posts: 925
Member

Spokeo has been a nightmare - I tried three or four times following their procedure to remove information before contacting customer service. "Name/account/URL not found"....fortunately, it only shows my street, not my street number...and I live in a maze!

Thank you for all the advice, trying to stay grounded, I don't feel a negative energy at all around me now, but the email from his parole officer certainly triggered something. Doesn't help I watch all those true crime dramas....I would have made a great detective. Hate being a victim.

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