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10/17/2011 07:04 AM

Nothing positive, always negative

Simpletakes
Simpletakes  
Posts: 16
Member

I have still not come to terms with who i am. I keep fucking everything up in my life. People say they love me, but i get paranoid out of my fucking mind that they are just saying it and they really hate me. I drink too much lately, because of anxiety and loneliness. I am living a completely abnormal, dysfunctional life. I'm sick of always being the blame, the crazy one; the trouble maker. I seem to start fights for no reason, spread gossip, turn people against people, because I don't know who is my friend and whose not. All on accident. I just wanna be switzerland, but I'm so insecure with my BP and paranoia that I get so fucked up in social gatherings. I can barely function anymore. Moods are all over the place. I really can't do this anymore. I know God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but i can't handle this. I'm paranoid like crazy, all the time that people are talking about me, looking at me, and plotting against me. Depressed really bad right now; i'm at work, but all i wanna do is lay in bed and cry for a month- at least.

Post edited by: Simpletakes, at: 10/17/2011 07:07 AM

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10/17/2011 07:25 AM
Aravis
Aravis  
Posts: 681
Member

Simpletkaes, I'm so sorry your going through this!! all my love and wishes xx Remember to tell yourself that this horrible time will pass, and that things ARE going to improve for you. I know its hard to remember - but tell yourself its true! Also I love what you say in your profile about bipolar not defining who you are as a person, I found that really inspirational! Sometimes I feel like i dont even know who i am anymore, because I'm all over the place, skipping from episode to episode..

We are strong people and we will make it through this!!


10/17/2011 08:29 AM
manicmetoo
manicmetoo  
Posts: 1313
Senior Member

Good advise Aravis... This to shall pass. Keep posting, we are here for you. Sometimes in our depression things seem worse than they really are... I hope this is true for you now.

10/17/2011 09:15 AM
Migru
Migru  
Posts: 104
Member

First off, you might want to put down the bottle. Chems in the brain don't work well with alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant (you probably already knew this).

Dude, you're gonna survive this. The paranoia, the depression--I'm starting to come out of it right now. I've lost a lot recently, but others have lost more AND STILL SURVIVE. We'll make it through. Echo Aravis: this will pass.


10/17/2011 10:38 AM
Simpletakes
Simpletakes  
Posts: 16
Member

Thank you guys so much, i know you're right! It's just that when i am in a rut like this, i feel like i am being blinded and in the dark and everything gets so blown out of proportion!!

Post edited by: Simpletakes, at: 10/17/2011 10:39 AM


10/17/2011 11:24 AM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16594
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

One thing like another member said, is to put the bottle down. It's not helping you at all. Alcohol is a depressant and will only depress you more. You can do this. As for the paranoia, tell your psychiatrist about this. He can help by adjusting your medications. You shouldn't have to go through life feeling this way at all. The chemicals are off in your brain right now and you are thinking things that aren't true. You need to get the chemicals balanced out so you can live a better life. Not everyone is after you or out to get you. Stop turning people against each other. Think before you speak. I'm sorry you get in fights for no reason. I think that if you think about what you are going to say, it will help a lot. When you are low in mood, things seem the worst. It does sound like you need a medication adjustment anyway because you are depressed. The psychiatrist can help you. Call him and tell him your thoughts and feelings. We're right here for you to talk to. You aren't alone. Hang in there.

10/18/2011 09:04 AM
Simpletakes
Simpletakes  
Posts: 16
Member

Thank you Joy, it helps me so much to have people that i can go to that are experiencing similar feelings at times. My Dad is bipolar too (genetics, ugh) so he is also helpful to me, but lives 3000 miles away from me so it doesn't make much of a difference. I will see my doc on Friday and see if i can get some changes in my medication.
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