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10/09/2011 12:09 AM

Dating and having bipolar disorder

jules2514
jules2514  
Posts: 3
Member

hi, I'm Jules and I'm newly divorced, had been separated for about a year prior to that. I'm finding myself much more stable on my own, even with financial concerns and all that comes with beginning anew. And I wanted to some you out there with more experience about dating again. I've looked everywhere I can think of for a specific blog, support group, or web site but the world seems more intent on warning others about bipolars than helping us through our dilemmas it seems, on the Web anyhow. Any link you have would be wonderful.

I know some have issues about when to tell a person they begin to date. That's a decision each of us has to make. I've only had one "semi" dating situation so far and it was a guy I ran into at my HS reunion, and we live hours from each other so it was all online. I was upfront right away. And explained things like not always getting people's signals correct. I asked him for blunt honesty. It worked pretty well. I misread a couple times as predicted, he, normally calm, cool, first time sorta lost it. Called me the next day and said," I have say I'm sorry for two things I believe. Losing my temper when you've told me several times you can misread people, and two, sorry if this hurts but I think yesterday you were having one of those "bipolar moments" as you call them". I asked for honesty.

We decided though long distance was too difficult, and I miss him very much. But I'm 44 not dead and I'm more stable than ever. I miss men. That sound awful? oh well. I spent 10 years not interested. Starting to make up for it I spose. LOL

Anyone out there - ideas?

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10/09/2011 04:04 AM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 14066
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hello Jules and welcome. I don't have too much insight about dating i've been away from the dating scene for 24 yrs, i'm married now for 20 but i did do a lot of dating prior to meeting my husband. I had good and bad experiences. As far as telling a person you are dating about having bipolar disorder i would say there is no rush, once you start to get serious with soeone and they get to know you a little then tell them, that's my opinion but it depends on the circumstance. I told my husband my life story almost all of it the first night i met him..lol, i first had a breakdown at 18 a bad one with psychosis i met him at 24 was very high functioning,i was at a party i was fed up with men at that point i had had so many and only some worked out. I've heard a lot of people are hooking up (pardon the expression) over the internet. Often people meet a partner through friends nad family. I guess what it boils down to you'll meet someone when the time is right, i always thought that way and whenever relatinships did not work out for me i would say 'i guess it was not meant to be'. I wish you al the best.

Post edited by: Dit, at: 10/09/2011 04:08 AM


10/09/2011 06:05 AM
2ofme
2ofme  
Posts: 1887
VIP Member

I, too, am pretty much in 'Dit's situation. Married 21 years to my present wife and 10 to my former wife, with only three to four years between. And, during that 'single' period, I was also a single working father with an FAS, ADHD elementary aged son in the house, who had a huge Conduct Disorder.

I would probably think to get to know the guy for a bit. It shouldn't take you too long to determine if he is the type of individual that could/would accept your condition. And I'd think you'd probably know that before you even recognized if he was an individual that you wished to continue any kind of long term relationship with.

Best of luck and keep us posted. But most importantly ... don't rush beyond your boundaries!


10/09/2011 06:53 AM
youngfilly
youngfilly  
Posts: 3068
VIP Member

2ofme has pretty much nailed it as far as im concerned. There is no need to say straight away. Just wait until u feel its ok. There is no point in rushing it

10/09/2011 06:55 AM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4583
VIP Member

Hi Jules --

Don't like his comment about re: having one of your "bipolar moments" -- takes the heat off him I guess! Just seems kinda .... abusive and ignorant.

I'm STILL single, age 35. Just haven't clicked with the right guy yet, although sometimes I get discouraged and stop looking for a while. Plus, I don't live in the best place for men -- lots of substance abuse and / or prison records. To make matters worse, I tend to attract very sick men. For example, I had coffee with one cute guy who, five minute in, told me all about how he used to torture kittens . . .

Just broke up with a bf -- I was very careful in disclosing my BP after a few weeks. Chose my timing and wording carefully. Then one night he casually tells me about how he often sees ghosts, right after I'd been joking about not believing in them (I want to get paid to spend the night at one of those *spooky* condemned sanitariums). My viewpoint is controversial, but I don't think he sees "ghosts" -- I think he has an illness, that he hallucinates, and despite how upfront I'd been with him, he'd never had the balls to tell me about this illness. As time goes on, I find myself getting angry over this.

I'm considering eHarmony.

I'm not feeling very attractive / inviting lately.

Sometimes we're so caught up in how we present towards our dates that we fail to look at them, really look at them. Sometimes I go blind.

Zadie


10/09/2011 07:02 AM
MsAspiring
MsAspiring  
Posts: 1614
Senior Member

I am 34 and single. I am a member of okcupid.com and plentyoffish.com. I like okcupid because it asks you questions and you can respond to them. I haven't dated much recently but I am hoping that will change. Only a very few people know that I have a mental disorder. The rest of my friends know that I have powerful overwhelming emotions and just accept me as I am. IF I am asked about some emotionally charged action or a FB status, I explain it away as having an energy shift. I am pretty stable as far as my bipolar disorder goes although I did have en episode last night. I wish you the best of luck. Maybe a group for Dating with Bipolar would be a good idea!

10/09/2011 08:15 AM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4583
VIP Member

Good excuses (please add to it)! :

1). "I almost got into a car accident getting here!"

2). "PMS (today's the day)"

3). "My dog / cat / turtle is sick, he threw up 3-6 times this morning. I hope he didn't get into anything in the basement."

4). "My freaky ex-boyfriend just left me a phone message. I should have saved it, for the sake of evidence."

5). "I have a spider nest in my house. I'm terrified of spiders. Gotta go take care of it."

6). "Allergy attack" / "Allergic reaction"

7). "They put me back on Prednisone. That stuff really messes with my head." <-- useful / very very true

8). "Got 2 hours of sleep last night."

9). "My computer has a virus -- when that happens, my whole life feels out of control."

10). "I didn't get to exercise today and now I feel all off-balance!"

11). "I haven't eaten anything today, and now I have a headache and / or dizzy."

12). "For the LAST TIME: The Rolling Stones are the best band EVER!!! . . . Sorry, music means a great deal to me. Don't get me started!"

13). "I just broke a heal this morning . . . Last time I buy shoes at Marshall's!!!"

14). "My dog / cat / turtle ate my ________. My grandmother gave it to me before she passed away" (sigh).

15). "Migraine! Take me home and let me sleep for 12 hours."

I've used at least half of these over the years.

Zadie


10/17/2011 08:53 AM
jules2514
jules2514  
Posts: 3
Member

OMG hilarious! I love them all! i'm stealing mine from an old John Cusak movie. "umm Well see, my grandma just dropped acid for the first time and then highjacked a schoolbus full of what she thought were penguins, so this is really a bad time. I'll call you!"

10/17/2011 09:44 AM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4583
VIP Member

"Could you excuse me? I hurt my foot earlier and now my shoe is filling up with blood."

-- "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion"

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