Bipolar Support Group

I seriously need some thoughts on this subject. I cannot talk to anyone else because they probably would all think I am crazy (which may very well be true). The only reason I'm posting this instead of doing a diary is because I want responses- I need to hear the thoughts of people who understand. I've read about some bipolar people having delusions and such, but because I've never really believed I was Jesus or thought I could fly I never thought I had them. But I got to thinking lately about past experiences I've had, and I need to know whether these experiences of delusional thinking are a part of being bipolar or if they are normal and I should not worry. Sorry for a long coming post, but I got a lot to say and I can only say it here.

My experiences:

2. Freshman year, 2008: JESUS ETC. This one I'm on the fence about. Over 3 years ago, I was studying in the basement of my dorm, alone, when all of a sudden, Jesus appeared to me. Not in full solid form that I could touch or anything, but I saw him. He was kinda see-thru, beaming with golden light, and though he didn't have any facial features, I knew he was smiling. And in that moment, I knew I was special, because Jesus chose me to show himself to. I've never been that happy or excited as I was when 'Jesus' came to me. I immediately called my mom, told her of my experience and asked her if she ever saw Jesus. She told me of a time when she almost drove off a cliff during an ice storm, but that was near death, and I felt even more special that Jesus came to me during a regular day. I told a lot of people about that experience and they all think I was crazy (or so I assume, as they weren't as excited as I was). Even more, I fell into deep depression the next start of the school year..so manic? I'm not sure. I don't remember anything about the time between that experience and when depression hit months later (unless it was partying at college-perhaps why I don't remember lol).

And second-

2. Sophomore year 2009: OPERATION TIME TRAVEL AND ALCHEMY. Over a year ago, my friend introduced me to an anime show called Fullmetal Alchemist, which is about a guy who uses superpowers to create things using elements. Sounds about right for anime. But anyways, I only saw like 3 episodes while I was drunk, I don't remember any of it, but I became obsessed with it. I truly believed this kind of alchemy was possible. I thought if one could figure it out, they would be able to create anything they wanted out of thin air, simply by channeling their strengths or whatever. I'm talking, holding your hands out like spiderman and instead of shooting webs, you would create a baby, or a lamp, or water. I started talking people's ears off (like my mom, a teacher, and my best friend who got me into the show.) And when I realized my friend wasn't quite as into the anime show as I was, I decided he wasn't a true fan and didn't fully understand the 'science' the show was trying to portray. My mom probably thought I was on drugs (I smoked pot about once a week, but she doesn't know so don't tell her). Obviously now, I'm laughing at myself because that whole notion of alchemy is false, and real life alchemists would probably be rolling in their graves (if dead) or rolling their eyes (if alive) if they knew my thoughts. I should also point out I believed that time travel was possible and became obsessed with worm holes and black holes, and thought that people who didn't believe in time travel were missing the obvious facts.

Well, that is all I can think of for now, but I've been burning with these questions for a long time and just had to write them out. I'll be truthful though- I did drink and smoke pot during that year when I believed in alchemy and time travel. But when the Jesus thing happened, I had never done drugs of any kind. I didn't start doing that until after I got off my Jesus high.

Thank you for sticking with me on this long long long post. Hope I get at least 1 reply- I really need feedback.

Sincerely,

Kelsey

Post edited by: VivaLaKelsey, at: 09/28/2011 03:43 AM

Post edited by: VivaLaKelsey, at: 09/28/2011 03:45 AM

It's like the folks who watch True Blood and die hard fans of vampire stories in general...it's an escape from reality (not a bad one, I'm a fan of Ann Rice's work)..though some of them take it too far and believe that vampires do exist....or that they, themselves, can become one. Their obsession turns into a delusion if they starting wanting to drink blood (and hurt innocent ppl in the process)...that becomes serious then.

I agree with workingonit, if it doesn't get in the way of living, then it shouldn't be of too great of a concern...although you might consider sharing this with your doctor.

I've only experienced one manic episode with delusional thinking...and at the time I knew it wasn't logical (but it was scary), I didn't see anything...which is what lead to my diagnosis. I've read a lot of literature about folks with various mental illnesses and seeing Jesus or other religious experiences (from being JC, to thinking the checkout gal at Safeway is the Virgin Mary reincarnated) is very common.

When there is so much pain and suffering in the world you would think Jesus would appear to all followers....but he doesn't. The Mormon church has elders or bishops that claim Jesus talks to them and therefore they are chosen to be leaders...yet they are all men, he never talks to the women. I don't think they are delusional, I think they are into power and control. I have many Mormon friends who doubt this, but are scared to say it out loud due to family and peer pressure (being raised in that environment/belief system).

It's up to you to decide. If you aren't harming yourself or others, then it is not a big deal. I would caution about mentioning any of this in a professional environment, because it would certain hinder your chances of advancement, not to mention just keeping your job. I had to fire one gal because she thought she turned into an eagle at night and could visit people's home and hurt those who were bad. While she was an OK worker, she scared the other employees by vocalizing this, and it just wasn't acceptable. I was worried she might hurt someone who made fun of her...and had to let her go. Thankfully, she didn't fly to my house that night and hurt me!

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums/ lounge/189735-personal-beliefs-and-experiences

Saratroy, how do we find these "special threads"?