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09/20/2011 11:54 PM

I gotta vent

stevesayshi
stevesayshi  
Posts: 659
Member

I know that is a specific forum for bi-polar relationship's. Theres just too much going on right now to pay attention to another group. I'm going through a really rough time with my wife. she's OCD and suffers From fibromyalsia. Unfortunately she has not been able to get her meds for the last year. It's just too much out of my check to put the whole family on insurance, they want five hundred dollars a month. Thats about a quarter of what I make before taxes. I feel dammed if I do dammed if I don't.

She's been bit by that dammed alcohol bug bad and so depressed. I am in fear for here well being. She get's what reminds me of a super manic high laced with rage and hopelessness. I've been trying really hard to over come my alcoholism. For the past few years I have cut my drinking by about 90 percent. Lately I have been getting a tall can after work about 4 times a week. Every once in a while on the weekends I'll get a six pack.I haven't been on any meds recently so there's been no interactions with them. She's been going over board drinking trying to get drunk trying to drink the depression away. I know alcohol is a depressant and I've relayed that information to her over the years trying to convince her that it is not helping. She's get's drunk and flips out about everything. She even ran outside naked last week. I've told her that if she keeps it up I was going to separate from her, It's just not fair to the kids. I'm seiously thinking about sending our girls to my dad's house til This can get worked out. What scares me is I'm seriously worried that she is a danger to her self. I really think she needs inpatient care. I really don't care how much it cost. Her life worth all the gold in the universe. I really love her but I can't keep doing this over and over. It's just not healthy. I feel so responsible for every thing, it's tearing me up. I just had to get this out. she woke up I got to go.Sad

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09/21/2011 05:38 AM
sparklehorse

Hey, so sorry to hear this. Yeah, sounds like your wife needs some kind of care. Do you feel she might be bipolar as well? Can you pick up any insurance that would cover her care, even if you kept it temporarily? Our county care options aren't bad here. I don't know what they would be where you are.

What is her pain level if she has fibro? Maybe the alcohol is medicating that as well?

What were her meds a year ago? (you mentioned this, yes?)

Sending you good thoughts for some seriuos luck.

Post edited by: sparklehorse, at: 09/21/2011 05:39 AM


09/21/2011 06:27 AM
stevesayshi
stevesayshi  
Posts: 659
Member

Thanks Sparklehorse, I've made up my mind. She's outa here. She refuses to get help. She's got me soo mad. Even when she was on meds she was still drinking. I'm done. I'm through. I've decided to call my dad and see if he can Keep my girls for a while. This is no life for them. I had too much pain from my childhood to put them through this. Sh won't try to help make anything better around here. All she wants to do is blame everyone else for her problems and be mad at everyone. I wish she would come to her senses. I've been wishing that for years unfortunetly. I've reached my breaking point. It's best for the safety of everyone, I will not let her do this any more. I know I haven't been the best husband, but at least I try to help the situation. I've been begging her for years to quit drinking. She doesn't believe me that alcohol is a depressant. Has a million reasons not to quit. I've gotton almost NO help from her in the past5- 10 years. Doesn't cook for the kids, unless she absolutly has to. Refuse to help pay bills or make a budget. Maybe does a load of laundry every few days. I could handle all that stuff if she would just stop drinking and being soo negative about everything. I'm too fed up with her attitude I've tried to make it work. yea I've screwed up in the past, But I TRY Dammit. Which is more than I can say for her. Yea I do still love her, But I believe I've found my breaking point. I can't let the girls get hurt anymore than because of this instability. She's upstairs at a neibors, hopefully they can help her. She won't listen to reason from me. Mabe I should call myself stevesaysbye?

09/21/2011 06:47 AM
manicmetoo
manicmetoo  
Posts: 1313
Senior Member

I am sorry that you are going through this Steve, it must be so difficult for you. I hope everything works out the way you hope. You are a good father and husband for dealing with all this for so long.

09/21/2011 07:41 AM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42707
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

You have been through so much for a long time. I'd say you have the patience of Job, in fact, but it's understandable that you've reached the point of saying enough is enough. In your shoes, I think I would feel the same and you are right to think of the welfare of your children first and foremost. They need a safe and sane environment with adults in their lives they can depend on to be dependable and strong, not drunk. You have to do what you need to do to either extricate yourself from the relationship, or finally get through to her exactly how serious you are, enough that you would remove the children and leave. Either one is going to be a difficult bumpy ride for you, but we are here for you, please know that. Whatever you decide to do, we will support you.

09/21/2011 10:11 AM
sarahtroy
sarahtroy  
Posts: 14315
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hi Steve, You and I have talked, so I know you've arranged for your girls to go to your dad's for a while so you and your wife can work out your problems. I support this arrangement as you feel it is in the best interests of your girls.

We have talked about Al-Anon. You really need the support of men and women who have been through the same thing you are going through and have come through it with successful relationships. You need to learn from others who live with alcoholics how to spot and cope with alcoholic manipulations, blaming, and guilt-inducing behaviors.

As for support with your own alcoholism, I hope you will consider MDJ's Bipolar's dealing with Alcoholism group. I know you said another group would be too much right now, but our group is small, close-knit, very supportive and laid-back.

http://www.mdjunction.com/bipolars-dealing-with-alcoholism

Post edited by: sarahtroy, at: 09/21/2011 10:15 AM


09/21/2011 11:43 AM
JustJulie62
JustJulie62Posts: 925
Member

Have you discussed with her how her drinking effects you, and that because of your childhood you need to live in a calm and sober environment. Has she considered AA -if she quit would you abstain as well to support her?

I can understand you being on your last limb which is about to break. Maybe taking the kids and yourself to Dad's (even for a few days) telling her to make a decision about her life - take the steps to get better, or the separation sticks.

So sorry you are dealing with this.


09/21/2011 12:33 PM
stevesayshi
stevesayshi  
Posts: 659
Member

She won't listen to reason. This has gone way beyond sending the kids away for a few days. They are going to be at my dad's till the end of the school year. I keep telling her one more time and she's outa here. Thats been 10 or 20 times now. The damage has been done I do not know if there is a way to fix it. I honestly don't know if I even want to try to work it out anymore. She can go and take a long walk off a short pier.

09/21/2011 12:43 PM
sparklehorse

Will the girls be in their same school district?

As I read this thread, I am sorry to say that I am thinking I agree that relocating the girls (and you?) to a more stable environment will most likely be best for them.

And yes, maybe for the school year. Others here know you better.

I am glad your girls have a place to go. And I am so sorry things have come to this. I'm remaining positive for you and your family that there are good things to come.


09/21/2011 01:07 PM
Bangbang
Bangbang  
Posts: 7156
Group Leader

I agree...take the steps to get better, or the separation sticks. Maybe and I mean maybe that will be her bottom and she will get help...but I don't think so from what you are telling us. Take care of you and the kids right now. She is an adult and should recognize that she wants help. Sadly ...most of us don't. There are millions in this country that refuse help for there disorders. I hate to say this but drom what you say..she is one of them. I think you are doing the right thing and I hope you will look at your own problem with alcohol and deal with that. If you think you got a problem with alcohol you do.
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