Feed Back Please

He then walked into our office and noticed that I had tried to sign onto his lap top (which is my lap top that I am letting him use). He asked me if I needed on it. I told him not right now and asked him why he changed the password on my computer. He immediately got angrier and told me he has given me that password a thousand times. I know for a fact he has never given it to me otherwise I would know it and be able to sign on. I also told him he had no right to change the password because it is my computer and all of my word documents are on it along with a lot of my pictures. I also informed him that he has the password to sign onto my computer. He lied and said he did not. I know for a fact he does because he has signed onto my computer tons of times because he has wanted to use it in the bedroom (the battery is dead on the one he is using and it is a pain to unplug it and move it around to use).

The other day I found an email he had sent another woman telling her how beautiful she is. I also found where he has been visiting porn sites – yet we never have sex – maybe four times in the past year. When I questioned him about the email I found he told me that he did not know why he sent it. Well now I know why he changed the password on the computer he is using. He obviously has something to hide and I called him out on it. He started calling me filthy names and flipped me off several times. I told him I would not tolerate him talking to me this way and flipping me off. He left the room to go get a shower – when he walked back into the living room he told me I needed to pack my shit and get out of here. I told him I was not going anywhere. I told him he is out of control and that he walked in the door looking for a fight! He told me he is sick and tired of my shit and to get the F*** out that he asked me to do one simple thing and that was to put something in the mail! Now not once did I raise my voice, call him a filthy name , curse him or flip him off. I refuse to allow him to push my buttons and after getting no response from me other than me telling him I am not moving out that if he does not like something here or me that he can move out. He turned on his heels and went back to the bedroom and is in there pouting and watching a movie. Everything is always about him, his needs and what he wants. Sometimes he wants to be single and to see other women. He accuses me of being to dependant on him for my emotional needs (if needing to be treated with respect is being dependant then he has problems not me).

When he went to see the psych doctor I see she put him on Lamictal. When I saw her last she told me he is very angry and only has anger issues. So now I ask all of you for your opinions. Tonight is only one of the thousands of times he has blown his top and raged at me. I am blamed for everything that has gone wrong in his life. Then within days or weeks of one of these blow ups I become the love of his life again and he tells me how he could never live without me and “we are together forever” his an undying love for me yada yada yada. Oh and I get the apologies too. Do you all think this is strictly ‘anger’ issues? Any feed back from you would be greatly appreciated.

BTW when I tried telling the pssych doc about his behavior she really did not want to hear what I had so say - I think that is because she diagnosed me as BP. I even told her how he has drank for years and is a binge drinker (he drinks to get drunk). He goes through stages where he will drink everyone of his days off and after he gets off work and then suddenly quit drinking for a few weeks to a couple of months and then starts drinking again.

Thanks.

Lustrious

Good for you in not letting him push your buttons..

I did really well until last night and this morning. We really got into it, and I joined him in the name calling. I was really mad at him.

I have been told it's okay to be angry,but, its how we express it.

You are human, and are allowed to make mistakes. He needs to deal with his issues, and you did good in now letting him pull you in.

Be good to yourself. I would get a new pdoc, too. I have found a good therapist who helps me deal with this kind of stuff.

Hang in there, Gypsy

My husband has had bipolar rages over (who knows what) and does the same thing. I agree that if your doctor is going to dismiss your concerns about your husband because she has diagnosed you bipolar, maybe find your own doctor.

My husband also goes thru binge drinking stages that can last for weeks or months where he is very blatant about it. Now he is drinking (not as much as when manic) but attempting to 'hide' it.

I have given up even trying to fathom what the heck he has going on inside his mind.

It sounds like your hubby blew the mail incident out of proportion. Don't let it upset you.

Take care.

Post edited by: sky, at: 01/12/2008 19:45

You do not need to appologize to me ever! We all wish we could help each other here. I think everyone on here would gladly take away each others pain if we could, but we can't. What we can do though is listen to each other, offer encouragemnt, give each other hugs and let each other know none of us are alone. That is enough for me.

I am sorry you are having such a tough time right now. Some times we hurt so badly that we lose all control and sob hysterically until no more tears can flow and we are over come with pure exhaustion! Some times it feels like the pain will never go away, but it does subside.

It has taken me a very long time to get to the point where I do not take everything he says personally anymore nor do I allow him to push my buttons where he can send me into a blind rage. Some times I have to eat a valium or two to prevent him from driving me to that point! I made my mind up a while back that I will not be a puppet controlled by his strings! We have all heard the saying, "be like a duck and let the water roll off your back" Yes - that is so much easier said than done. I read a really interesting article while in the doctors office this past Thurs. I was about people who are more sensitve than others. I wish now I had stolen that magazine (but I have never been able to bring myself to take anything that does not belong to me). Back to the being more sensitive than others - it is not a fault rather it is something we have to become aware of in order not to allow others to hurt our feelings with their rude and crude remarks. The article made a lot of sense to me. I have always said that my husband's moods set my own moods. Now that is something new for me to start working on. His crap belongs to him and I do not have to accept it or put up with it. Life is all about learning and we are destined to experience a repeat of the things we have yet to learn from. Maybe together we can all figure the lessons out and change our destinies!

Big Hugs Jennipurr and hang tight - let those tears flow - you are entitled to your feelings and emotions and never allow anyone to tell you you are not or that you are over reacting! They are yours and they are real!

Lustrious