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soy70 Posts: 1774
Senior Member
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I graduated from Washington University, biology and psychology. I spent 2 years researching osteoporosis at the Med School, got my name on a paper. I then took 4 bottles of pills, landed in the hospital for 2 months, and began a long series of hospitalizations, the last one as recent as last October. I'm so damn angry I can barely breathe. My last attempt at a job involved getting certified to work in IT, which is by no means a lowly job but doesn't require a college degree. But I didn't receive a single response. What if I hadn't stayed in that friggin hospital for so damn long? Why did they wait 2 months to give me ect. My sense of identity was so weak it almost sealed my fate as mentally unstable, and I continued to get hospitalized for years afterwards, like I said as recent as last year at age 40. Besides that first time in the hospital, what if I had gone to a resort for two weeks instead the psych ward? Would I be where I am now? Don't you dare pity me but I'm crying as I recount all this, it hurts so much. I just want to say ONLY GO IN THE HOSPITAL IF IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH!! It's like a trap. I have no idea where to go from here. If anyone works, could you share what kind of job you have? Thanks Bipolar
Wellbutrin 450
Prozac 20
Lamictal 200
Adderall 40
MS
Tysabri
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soy70 Posts: 1774
Senior Member
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I misrepresented myself here. At this point I just want a job. Down the ladder of success was not the right title and I don't even care that I have a degree and that my job would't require one. I haven't worked for three years and it's driving me mad!! I just want a job Bipolar
Wellbutrin 450
Prozac 20
Lamictal 200
Adderall 40
MS
Tysabri |
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uppitywoman Posts: 42362
Group Leader
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Soy, I work at a public library. Some positions there require degrees, some don't. I got my foot in the door with a part time entry level position. But two other people I know there started out as volunteers there and then got hired. There are sometimes internships available at some places. You might look at doing volunteer work while you are seeking employment because that can go on your resume, too. With God, all things are possible
My blog:
http://uppitywomantwo.blogspot.com
Bipolar I
10mg Abilify--400mg Lamictal-90mg Cymbalta--25mg Ambien CR--200mg Topomax--30mg Temazapam--1mg Ativan as needed.
Please note that I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist. My opinions are personal only. This site is not intended to be a substitution for professional care, nor is anyone here qualified to make diagnoses. |
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ZadieBlue Posts: 3772
VIP Member
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You went to the hospital because you were sick. Had you stayed home placing all these expectations on yourself, you probably would have gotten worse. Yeah I graduated from The University of Chicago after busting my ass a total of 10 years (no sleep, straight A's -- probably caused the damn bipolar in the first place -- just kidding, I was a freaky child no joke); Then I kicked butt getting my Masters (the one I don't use at all now). 1st in my class and the youngest student. Then, slowly, I became burnt out and started to really suffer from refusing to accept my diagnosis and take my meds. I haven't worked in 2+ years, and people sneer at my resume because many of my East Coast jobs haven't lasted (I kept thinking: It's the job -- the next one will be better (nope!). I was trying to apply for a low-level volunteer job (slave labor), and the interviewer came down on my resume. Huhhhhhh?!? I've lost a job from overdosing -- not straight-out of course -- but the hospital kept me in the ER for 3 days and then the regular hospital for 5 (with a person sitting there 24/7 staring at me to make sure I didn't try killing myself again, including one twisted guy who asked me out). 5 days because my blood pressure was dangerously low; 2 weeks on the mental ward sitting in bed with a rented tv (no groups or activities). Lost my job four days after I came back to work. I had dr notes, the mental health one obviously without letterhead. They freaked out over even this! What I did was stupid, but I was sick. Not that sitting in bed on 1200+ mg of Seroquel helped much . . . . Zadie "I'm going to quit -- dried turkey." - Anonymous
"I forgot my mantra." - Annie Hall
"Knocked me on the head and sent me spinning
It was a blast I can't remember the last time
Stand between two poles and hold your arms up
I'll kick me over your head and stock down . . . " - Throwing Muses
Female, age 37
Bipolar I (mild)
Episodes / cycling happen most often during Spring and Fall allergy season; some dissociation possible during episodes.
GAD dx 12/11, PTSD traits, ED (in recovery)
Boarding school survivor :)
PSYCH:
Adderall 15 mg x 2 Prozac 40 mg Ativan 1.5 mg Geodon 120 mg Starting Lithium again
(Levothyroxine 50 mcg Atenolol 12.5 mg x 2 Clonidine 0.1 mg x 3).
ALLERGY / ASTHMA -- (Winter / Spring cocktail): Levocetirizine Alvesco HFA 160 mcg Ketotifen Fumarate PRN • Flovent ProAir PRN
Mercy Buckets to everyone!!! |
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soy70 Posts: 1774
Senior Member
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Thanks Uppity, it's actually my strongest desire to work in a library. When I get back to the States, I need to convince myself this is not another futile effort and really start working on this goal. Thanks for sharing your story Zadie. It hurts to read your story, this damn disease is so unfair. And the nightmare stories of the hospital. What a pig to ask you out. I had a nurse call me shameless under her breath because I literally thought she was trying to euthanize me with the shot she was holding, and I was begging her to give me one more chance. Horrible creature of a person now that I look back. So many burnt out passive aggressive nurses. But it's true, there were times I was a danger to myself, but many times it was a total waste of time and money and I could have spent less money going to some rehab place in Santa Barbara or something where at least they treat people with respect. Damn, why couldn't I have been a bigger alcoholic! just kidding. Bipolar
Wellbutrin 450
Prozac 20
Lamictal 200
Adderall 40
MS
Tysabri |
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uppitywoman Posts: 42362
Group Leader
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Soy, I have a bachelor's degree. You have to have a Masters in Library Science to be an actual librarian, so that I am not. I am an assistant to the head librarian. There are any number of positions in a library that you could do, some working with the public, some not. Just want to encourage you to pursue your desire. Post edited by: uppitywoman, at: 08/13/2011 02:24 PM With God, all things are possible
My blog:
http://uppitywomantwo.blogspot.com
Bipolar I
10mg Abilify--400mg Lamictal-90mg Cymbalta--25mg Ambien CR--200mg Topomax--30mg Temazapam--1mg Ativan as needed.
Please note that I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist. My opinions are personal only. This site is not intended to be a substitution for professional care, nor is anyone here qualified to make diagnoses. |
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allyfant Posts: 1094
Senior Member
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I was in graduate school when I was hospitalized for the second time. One of the nurses found out and said to me "I guess that means you can read, huh!" I was appalled, still am actually. I have come close to being hospitalized now and will probably be fired from my job if I am since I will miss some critical days. I would love to work in a library. It is probably better suited to my temperment compared to the job I have now. I think you should pursue this line of work Soy! You can do it! Ally
Diagnosed with BP2 5/2011 after 15 years misdiagnosed as MDD, survivor of multiple suicide attempts, dealing also with PTSD. I have also had ECT.
Meds
Neurontin 900mg
Prozac 60 mg
Zyprexa 15mg
Lithium 900mg
Lunesta 3mg |
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soy70 Posts: 1774
Senior Member
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Oh thank you allyfant, and sorry to hear yet another horror story, but we endure. And what an adorable name you have! Bipolar
Wellbutrin 450
Prozac 20
Lamictal 200
Adderall 40
MS
Tysabri |
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soy70 Posts: 1774
Senior Member
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Oh uppity, I really appreciate your encouragement as well. Even starting as a volunteer would be awesome because I love the environment as well as the people who take the time to visit. Bipolar
Wellbutrin 450
Prozac 20
Lamictal 200
Adderall 40
MS
Tysabri |
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loobiloo Posts: 241
Senior Member
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Soy, I was studying Italian language at the best University in Poland. After 2 years i left, i just coudn't do it anymore i was very depressed at the time struggling alot with bulimia.  (((Leaving University was my biggest regret for many years...The are members of my family who are not talking to me for many years because of not finishing it...After leaving University i was working in Restaurant-cooking, but i love cooking...and i di work in there for many years...In last 4,5 years i was working as Coffee Shop manager... Soy, i'm sure you can do anything You want...Sometimes it just takes time... Post edited by: loobiloo, at: 08/13/2011 03:06 PM |
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"What MD Junction means to me is a place where i can feel like im not alone. As someone with something as rare as hydrocephalus, it feels like im the only one in the world with it. When i came to MD, its like everyone has it. It doesnt feel like im alone. And that people need to hold up a sign to say what i have, because people know. And they understand. I can get questions answered from people who have been through it rather than from doctors or people who only can tell you from a physical standpoint. THat is what MD junction means to me." (tomboykimi)
