Gypsy
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Hi, What I have learned from being in bad relationships, and being in one that is working, now, is. Both people have to be willing to do the work, and take care of themselves, physically, emosionally, and spiritually. I cannot make anyone get help. I can't chase anyone, and I can't fix anyone, and I don't have to allow anyone to hurt me. There is selfish love, and unselfish love. If, I am staying in an abusive relationship, and letting someone keep hurting me, I am not taking care of me. If, I put someone's needs over mine, I am not taking care of me, or allowing them to take care of them.Unselfish love is caring about someone's health and happiness.If, I need someone to be sick with me, I am being selfish. If, I am allowing someone to continue their sick behavior,I am not helping them or me. If I think, that if only they will get better, everything will be fine, I am being selfish. It can't be one sided. I have to be willing to be healthy for me. They have to be willing to be healthy for them. I have to allow them to find the help, not get in the way. I can give them the information, but, it's their choice whether they are going to use it or not. If they don't use it, and continue to want me to stay sick with them, that is selfish. I don't have to allow anyone to be sick in my life. I am bipolar, and have a boyfriend who has had problems, too. I have tried to chase him, beg him, fix him, etc, and would stop taking care of me. I put so much work into taking care of him, that, I forgot about taking care of me, and my kids. I would obsess, and feel despair. I put up with alot of abuse, that way. I also would become the victim, and a martyr. I would work really hard on all of this, and then get mad when he wouldn't do it himself. I thought it was that he didn't care about me. He couldn't change for me he had to change for him. His stuff has nothing to do with me. He has to learn from his own consequences. When, I started setting boundaries, and expressing myself, and working on me, I started getting healthier. We had to take a break one time, because, He was continuing to do things that were not healthy to him, and were becoming abusive to me and my kids. This helped me get away from him, and get the focus on me. I got to learn that I was just as unhealthy as he was. I focussed on him, and worked so hard to keep him with me, that, I was destroying myself. It also helped me not have to look at me. So, I learned about codependency, and enabling, and people pleasing, and communicating my needs, and if they don't want to listen, or respect it, they have choices. I have choices. My boyfriend, and I have come a long way from where we started. I am bipolar, and have made a lot of mistakes in relationships, but, was able to find a partner who has put up with me, and I have put up with him., But, we are both willing to do the work on ourselves. I have my own support, and am on meds, and in therapy, and he has his own support, and is able to go to his family for help. Each person has to have their own candle. There is a candle in the middle, if you light the middle candle, you don't blow your own candle out. So, anyway, I just thought, I would share a little of what, I have had to learn. My goal is to keep taking care of me, and learn to be okay with me., regardless of what my boyfriend chooses to do. I do have expectations of him to stay healthy, and treat me right. If we get off track, we talk about it, and allow eachother to work through it. Anyway enough out of me, God bless, Gypsy God Bless,Gypsy |
My family was not that supportive with my relationship with her....they just kept saying that I was an idiot and that it was time I left her already....LOL....oh well.....
"I work with kids with a variety of special needs, including bipolar disorder, bu..." (twowaymirror)