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armymom8486 wrote: Hi Smurf, I feel the best thing you did is walk away, feeding into the tantrum would have only made her rage longer. My husband is the one who is on the recieving end of my temper and through the years he is getting better at not engaging. Lately he leaves, but he always tells me he will be back later, which at the time I say I don't care, but it really does make me feel more secure usually by the time he returns I am done with the episode. I truly wish you luck, the only thing I can say is good job for being the being the bigger person. Jeanne This is a great thread! I have been reading it off and on all day. I do try to walk away or not engage but at times he'll follow me and keep it up or accuse me of stone-walling when I won't answer him. If I give him a soft answer he says I am placating/appeasing him. When I use "I" statements like "I feel", he'll say he doesn't care how I feel that my actions are telling a different story. When I left once, he locked the door behind me and I had no place to go. I can't find a successful way around this so far. At least, not every time. He has learned though, to shut himself away from me after a blow-up and I've learned to accept that and let him calm down in private. I've learned that the couch isn't such a bad place to sleep, although I always thought it was the guy who was banished to the couch! Hee. I just wish that happened more often. In fairness, I grew up in an argumentative household only the arguments often didn't mean anything -- we frequently just discussed things with vigor, let the best person win etc. I was taught by my parents to stand up for myself. Disengaging isn't easy for me. When I say I won't put up with things, he'll go on about all the things he puts up with, with me (and god knows he does) or he used to threaten to commit suicide -- and the statistics indicate that he might've gone through with it. I admire all of you who are able to disengage and walk away. I wish I knew how to successfully set boundaries. He's a good man and gentle when not in the grip of the illness. He's worth holding on to, IMO. I love his mind and quick wit. We're otherwise as compatible as any marriage between two oldest children can be. smurf, you seem to be handling things well and DianeU, if you are around? I read your every post avidly. I'm a newbie but I'm glad I found this place. I was reading today in another thread about dysphoric rage, indicating that may mean he feels out of control. Very helpful! ETA: The quote function doesn't seem to be working properly. Sorry! Post edited by: ttimesoutofmmind, at: 07/19/2008 22:04 |
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