Bipolar Support Group

Dear Members,

This thread is a continuation of the original topic by heatherr 10/17/2007:

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums/ general-support/10436-spousesso-of-someone-with-bipolar-a- question#29716

Original Post:

Today I am honestly feeling like I am the one with the mental illness. I feel way over extended and like Im going to snap at any minute. I feel hopeless and desperate and like things will never improve. Im having a pity party and being totally not productive. I dont have a snigle good thought in my mind today and Im feeling like its me with the problem...he seems to be ok with things the way they are, its ME that isnt dealing well. For those of you that live with a loved one with bipolar, do you ever feel like its YOU? I want to barf from this roller coaster of up and downs.

Thanks.

Jim

Post edited by: JR1, at: 01/11/2008 17:52

I want to add to the barf bag on this topic. I feel like I need the therapist, the medication, the diagnosis of I-can't-win disease...I feel like my personality shut down a long time ago. I can't even be who I am because the bipolar disease throws depression at my jokes and tosses anxiety into days when we need to relax. The word "normal" is left without definition and explanation.

I made a connection though. Bipolar disease is like a seizure that you know is going on. That "seizure" so to speak, can be sparked by a comment, or a visual, or an act, or almost anything in life. I know there is something you can wear around your neck to regulate the body for seizure patients; I wonder if there is something similar for bipolar patients. Lamictal is used for both seizure and bipolar people. Any thoughts?

Dear NorthPolar,

That's a very insightful observation, comparing a manic episode with a seizure.

The model seems to hold up as long as you substitute behavioral anomalies for the physical anomalies usually associated with seizures.

The seizure model doesn't seem to work with depression, until you realize that the manic activity and the onset of manic energy deplete neurotransmitters, thus, in the extreme, inducing a feeling of depression--a state of mind the chemistry of which is more clear than that of mania.

I wish I had more time to share on this subject, but I am preparing for a trip.

You might be interested in the following link for starters. I have been doing some passive research on the similarity of true manic episodes to seizures--actually preparing to publish a "layman's" viewpoint.

See what you think:

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html? res=940DE3D81E31F931A35751C0A96E948260&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=all

Thanks for such an exciting question!

This post is probably pretty far off the topic, however. Why don't you open a new thread on the forums (e.g. "Medicines and treatments")?

Kindest regards,

Jim

Post edited by: JR1, at: 01/11/2008 17:51

this is a good thread,so i'll get it going again.

sure i feel like its me somedays.i find myself questioning whats real.studying my spouse,watching for mood changes,almost obsesive like.while my spouse has just simply forgot about all thats happen,i on the other hand relive it everyday.as i told my doc one day "unless you have a magic pill that will cure her bp,get us out of debt,and erase my bad memories,save your prescriptions for someone else".i will be depressed.

i'm not sure whats the worst issue is though.is it the fact that she has the illnes,whats she done because of the illness,or what she may do in the future.

as north polar said "normal "is undefined.what i thought was normal for 18 years wasn't.what will be normal in the future?what is she like really.its depressing that aftre 18 years i have to learn her all over again.

as her medication begins to really take effect,i learn something new everyday.some memory she had forgot about somehow sufaces. i hear of events that has happened that i never knew about.simple things,yet i was never told.not to mention the side effects of meds.

i still get upset when friend and family call and ask how she is.WHAT ABOUT ME?i'm the one that has put up with all this.

Hi Robs,

I can relate to what your wife is experiencing. I also realize how hard it is for you to go through this illness.

When, i got diagnosed with this illness, I also went through the phase of waking up, and remembering more of my past. My bipolar kept me from being able to process events in my life emosionally. I would just shut off.

It's an process of self discovery after being lost in this illness for so long. With the meds, and therapy I have been relearning who I am.

I have a sick boyfriend who has been going through treatments on his liver.

I have been going through this with him. He is not himself most of the time. He It gets very depressing waching him suffer. he also goes through psychosis, and has been on antidepressants. It has gotten scary at times.

I have also felt the way to are. Everyone we know asks about him, and I have gotten upset about them not asking about. I have had to do things to take care of myself. I have had to take breaks, get support. I have gotten depressed, and angry, and lonely, and felt trapped. I just wish he would hurry up and get over it.

So, I relate. I have had to have alot of patience, and be supportive, and listen when he having a hard time . But, I have to remember to do thing to get a break. With time your wife will get better, and get stable. As I have gotten more stable I have been able to be more present in my relationship.

I hope this has helped.

Godbless Gypsy

yes that does help.knowing others go through this is conforting.(not in a bad way).do you think you (as well as my wife) have been lost the entire time.i'm not sure i like that thought.i've said long before she got dx'd that she had a wall up.she woiuld not let any feelings in or out,unless she was mad at me then all kinds of stuff came out.but always bad stuff.thats when i would hear the "you have'nt loved me for along time,you'd be better off without me,you dont show any love or affection."i hate that word now."affection."its like years ago she complained that i didn't hold hands,say ilove her,cuddle enough.so i did more.then one day she is cheating again because i dont put my arm around her,dont pay attention,and so forth.its like she changed her standards but did'nt tell me.i realize that it was bipolar doing this now.she is also believed to be boarderline personality,so that also fits in.bpd's see things "black or white".its all or nothing.if her needs were 5 hugs aday,and i only did 4 then i did none.thats what i really hate about this.i do believe that if a person doesn't have any unlieing issues then bp may not be to bad to deal with.its the repressed memories,and feelings that cause so much trouble.

i hope your bf gets well soon.you probably need him to help you.last question,do you sometimes get to dependant on others for your help.or do you have to do this on your own.my wife keeps telling me "im her rock",she needs me to stay strong so i can help her.after what i've been through with her,thats asking alot.i may be a "rock" right now,rocks are tough and take alot to break,but when they do break its bad.that worries me.

i also have a 14 year old daughter that goes for an eval in 2 weeks.she is showing many bp/bpd signs.not sure i can handle 2.

Post edited by: robs, at: 01/12/2008 21:13

I am new to this group and I can totally relate to what your going through. I am a nervous wreck. My life seems so out of control and I am not the one with bipolar disorder. I sometimes believe it may be just as hard for the friends and family of those diagnosed with bipolar as it is for those with it. I feel for what a bipolar person must go through. When my bf thinks logically, he asks "why me" and gets very frustrated. When he's manic, he doesn't give a hoot about anything and when he's low he's suicidal. It's difficult for everyone. I struggle between caring a great deal about this person and wanting to end my relationship (but scared something harmful might happen). Every day is unpredictable and it is starting to affect me physically (when the drama is in full action it feels like my blood is vibrating throughout my body). Until now I haven't talked to anyone about bipolar and my exposure to it. Thank you so much for sharing your story - it lets me know I am not alone!

i try to go to what i call a bipolar free zone where i'm alone and i can think about how i respond before i us to get to caught up in the drama

Hello..Sometimes you just have to come to a realization that your spouses,bf,have bipolar.....I have bipolar 1 and ive had problems in relationships...On the contrary a relationship its a committment,honesty and love..I know its hard but for your sake if your willing to stay with your spouse,bf and love them there is a way..Southern10

There have been a couple of people whom I have advised to leave their bipolar partner. However, I would only advise that, with a marriage in particular, if the SO is in danger from their bipolar SO. I am so very grateful that my husband puts up with me, especially through my illogical panic episodes and my severe, suicidal depressions. He's not perfect and he's made a lot of mistakes in our relationship, but I've made a lot more mistakes and he forgives me. However, if I were a danger to him or our children I would want him to take the kids and leave. When my mind is working right, I am very clear with my husband as to what I think he should do during one of my episodes. In order he will: 1) protect the kids, 2) protect himself, and 3) protect me. I am NOT a danger to him or the kids, but there are times I am a danger to myself. He knows what he has to do if I become too dangerous to myself. I don't like to think about that part, but my "logical" self will support his decisions when I am not angry/manic/suicidal/etc. I will support his decisions because I know he really does love me, just as I love him. He has been my best friend since we were teenagers, and I am truly blessed to have him. I realize how fortunate I am in this, and I'm very humbled and grateful