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02/07/2008 08:47 AM

Things we love about our Bipolar SO(page 5)

LizaJ
Posts: 8
Member

Everytime I ever tried to "explain" our relationship to friends - they made me feel bad - like I was trying to sell them a used car or something. None of my friends are explaining their boyfriends or husbands to me and they are all pretty much a bunch of rude, obnoxious jerks!
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02/07/2008 09:05 AM
hlhollis1
hlhollis1  
Posts: 18
Member

I have one friend, my best friend, that continually supports me and all of my decisions. I think mostly because she has a husband that isn't perfect either, but she knows that she loves him and what is best for her and her family. On the other hand, I have another good friend who gives me the long sigh when I speak of my husband and says things like "you know how I feel about him, I've never liked him", so I have decided to just not talk to her about my relationship anymore. The funny thing is, I've known her for 10 years and she's never been in a relationship.

And then, there is his sister, that I adore and is one of my best friends and lingers on the bipolar tendency (I think most of his family does in some way shape or form and he is one of 10 kids) and you would think because of her patterns of behavior (more mild) she would understand more, but she doesn't. For a while she did, but now she is very critical and I can tell that if I tell her anything about my husband and I (we are trying to repair things right now) she would freak and tell me I was really dumb. I don't want to have to justify anything, but I don't want to lose my friends either. I guess if I do, they weren't really my friends. This helps so much. I think I just need to air some of this to someone who understands.


02/07/2008 09:22 AM
LizaJ
Posts: 8
Member

The decision to explain or not to explain is a very personal one. I guess if you are ever wondering about whether or not to do it - then you would have to imagine yourself doing it in front of your spouse -with him there. I myself am overweight - I don't think I would like it if he felt he had to explain why he loves me despite my size or weight to his friends to get them to like me.

Most of the time I feel very alone. We don't go out with friends - at all. I work days - he works nights and on the weekends we just hang out together - sometimes to a movie with my kids - but for the most part we can't afford to go out. Most of our friends drink and my fiance' can't. He isn't from here and so doesn't have a lot in common with any of the men here. Winters are hard - its February and so dreary. So one extravagance we allow ourselves is a membership to a tanning salon. First I bought one for him and it made him feel so much better that I got one for me too. It really does help. Lights help - sunshine helps


02/07/2008 09:48 AM
hlhollis1
hlhollis1  
Posts: 18
Member

Good point! I don't think I would like it if he would have to explain himself to his friends either. Wow, that helps.

As far as feeling alone, I know what you mean. We moved to Arizona for a while for school...half thinking that the sun would help... but for one, he got called to active duty while there and it left me there alone, and for two-- when he did come back it just was bad news because of all of the adjustments back to civilian life and then on top of it being so far away from family and friends. So we moved home and then he made some bad choices and I ended up alone again. The good thing is that I am not so severely alone because we're in our home state, but the bad thing is that for the past 4 months we've been trying to repair our relationship and then he gets called to active duty again. So, he's away in another state training (I'm flying to see him next weekend) and then leaving for a year. I know it may seem crazy to sit and wait again for something that "might" happen, but I love him and I know he loves me. And this time we can go into this with a different attitude and come out of it differently, hopefully. I just need to learn to be a better person for me and keep in mind that this is more overwhelming to him than it is to me.


02/07/2008 10:41 AM
LizaJ
Posts: 8
Member

It is real hard to work on a relationship when you are not together. My fiance and I are only together three days a week since he started back to work three months ago. I worry - all the time, that he will once again make friends with the "wrong" crowd. Its amazing how he is drawn to them. Or maybe its that they don't expect anything from him and so its easier to fit in.

And they let you mess up - it makes them feel better about themselves.

He is overwhelmed quite often - change overwhelms him.

He knows that his life is better since he and I have been together - and so is mine. That is a big plus on the positive side. So on days when all the negatives are piling up, I try to remember how he has made me laugh and how sweet and sensitive he is - I remember how he always goes out of his way to make me feel special.

Life is definitely a roller-coaster - fasten that seatbelt!!!!


02/08/2008 05:47 AM
hlhollis1
hlhollis1  
Posts: 18
Member

I know what you mean about worrying all of the time, and this is one of the things that drives him nuts about me. I worry constantly about the future. I have been working really hard on not worrying so much and just living my life. It helps me sometimes to think about other couples---not so much to compare but just to realize that everyone has struggles. The Smith's down the road may seem like they have it all, but it is more than likely that they don't.

I have come to the conclusion that in the end, it doesn't matter how I chose to live my life and with whom, but if I was happy. I find myself being happy alone, but more so when I am with my husband.

I finished reading my book last night and the author talks about how she married a man that is her complete opposite. He is stable, strong, and sometimes irritates her to death, but she loves him deeply for those reasons that he loves her unconditionally and is that stable person she needs. So often bp people think that they need to seek out some exciting thrill ride of a person to complete them when nothing is farther from the truth. They need a soft, caring, honest, loving person. This is what I feel I am to my husband, and for that I am proud.


02/08/2008 10:55 PM
buhlir926
buhlir926  
Posts: 257
Member

Breathe - Did anyone mention the word "gentle" when talking about things we love about our bipolar SO? Your first posting was my husband in a nutshell except for the gentle part. He always told me that I was beautiful and he bragged about how pretty and smart and talented, etc. I was to other people.

He was also really funny and witty and could make me laugh even when I was sad or mad. He was creative and inventive and sexy. Very hot! He was also a great dad - the best - for a long time.

Then the BP just kind of became too much for him. It kind of took him over. I miss him alot. Once in awhile now when he comes over to visit I get to see that special person that is hidden away inside him. When that person comes out it is like he never left. His kisses leave me breathless and his touch always leaves me wanting more.

See, I hate the disease but love the man.


02/28/2008 09:20 AM
alternachic7
 
Posts: 61
Member

hey southern10

that is one of my sayings too- love conquers all. I have it tattooed over my heart in Latin "amor vincit omina".

good for you for that one

Wink


02/28/2008 10:24 AM
Gypsy
Gypsy  
Posts: 1646
Senior Member

Hello Y'all,

Welcome all of you new people? I agree with Hihollis!. My fiance, and I have gone back and forth being the strong one for eachother. He just got done with liver treatments, and boy did, I learn what patience, and supporting a sick loved one was really about. It can be very difficult on the family. I had to learn to take care of me, too. I had to take breaks, and get out of the house. It is hard not to get depressed, and feel trapped by it all.

We have been through alot together.It seems the more we endure, the more we love eachother.


02/28/2008 12:11 PM
hlhollis1
hlhollis1  
Posts: 18
Member

I just finished yet another book that SOs should read if they so desire. It is excellent and has really helped me put things into perspective. I'm really trying to be proactive and do my best to understand this "thing". It is called Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder by Julie A Fast. I got in on Amazon for really cheap and it was amazing. Pretty short, very engaging, real, and written for US!
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