Things we love about our Bipolar SO

Breathe - Thank you for the reminder and guiding us in a positive direction.

"Let the Love Flow"

This is the flip side to what I am feeling right now after being cheated on and then with the one he cheated with, he cheated on her with me! I feel like this behavior cannot stop, and he feels such a RUSH when he's with multiple women that he can't let go of that high. But, he says he loves me. Does he really know what love is? I am torn between all of the things I love about him and keeping my family together, and all of the crap I'd have to go through for the rest of my life because of it..to let go, or hold on? I am so confused right now. I am a strong woman and when it comes to him I am weak. I read through an email I wrote to the other woman this morning (I saved it in my sent box from several months ago) and I just about cried because all that I said to her I am now doing. I feel like the fool. She got out, and I don't know how. I almost feel like asking her how she did it. I'm not scared to be alone, but I am scared of the life my little boy will live without his Dad-- and with him. Caught between a rock and a hard place? HELP!!!!

but pity is nothing to base a relationship on and I knew I couldn't keep allowing him to use me, make me feel bad, blame me for all the things wrong in his life even before I met him!

In return for all the bad times we have had - is the "bipolar opposite" --- he makes me laugh - every day, he is sweet and romantic and presses his hand in the middle of my back when we dance - he still opens every door to every building we go in - he helps me put on my coat - he thanks me for every meal I cook -and plays with my hair until I fall asleep - I cannot imagine my life without this man; he is my best friend.

I am thankful for this opportunity to join in. I'm sure I will be back soon. Take care of you.

Thank you so much for that. I am learning more and more about Bipolar every day. It is something that I don't think that anyone can understand unless you have it or live with it. I just have to keep in mind what my boundaries are and what his are as well. I am reading an EXCELLENT book right now called an Unquiet Mind. Seriously...all should read it. I know after you've lived with your spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance for a while you can think you understand them and they can try to tell you what they feel and think, but sometimes you just need to know that they are not alone and that what they do feel is not made up or an excuse to just be able to do whatever they feel like. This book puts it all into perspective using the right balance of words to explain it all. The most interesting part is that the author is bipolar and she is also a psychiatrist. I think for the first time in a long time I realize what my husband needs. He needs me to be firm and live my own life...not chained to him and his disorder. The more I push, the further he backs away.

My question is, how do you tell your fiance that "these are the things that will make me leave" without him trying to just destroy it when he's manic? Or be made to feel like there are conditions to your love? My husband says that sometimes when he feels a certain way, he just wants to ruin everything and will stop at nothing to see that it is ruined and then feels horrible afterward. Or that if I put conditions on our relationship then there is no point because he knows that there are going to be times he screws up. I'd rather him feel more comfortable with telling me he's screwing up because he feels safe than lie to me to prevent me from leaving. This is when I start to feel alone in all of this and have a difficult time being firm.

So instead, I tell him that there are people out there who would die tomorrow to have the opportunity he has today and then I hand him a glass of water - and he thanks me for loving him enough not to let him give up.

It is funny that we can say after a while that we know them better than they know themselves. I can tell when he has hidden something, when he is pulling away from me, when he is feeling shame. I think he is starting to slowly realize that he really can't hide anything from me, but at the same time I think he resents that I know him so well. However, I think that I have,, until now, projected that I do feel sorry for him (sometimes) and now I am learning that this is something that he can put in his tool belt to use against me and give him leverage to be able to do what he wants and still come back to have me save him. It has been when I have done uncharacteristic things--stood planted in my footsteps and would not budge-- that he has "had more respect for me"? I need to be more firm and let him know that he can use me as a sounding board but shut my mouth when he roars about the world and how unjust it is...not let him be felt sorry for.

He too alienates himself from his family and friends (for periods of time)and then blames them for their selfishness and their lack of loyalty. He doesn't want anyone to know his business and know the REAL him-- and at times has chosen people to hang out with that don't know him so that he can be someone else for a while, figuratively speaking, of course. I am the only one, EVER that he has shown himself to. I am the only one he trusts enough, I guess. I see him for who he really is and that is something that others don't see-- the sweet, kind, caring guy. So, my next question is, do I just stop trying to explain myself and my relationship with him to my friends and live my life? They just don't understand that I really do love him--for better and for worse..for sickness and health.