I'm an 18 year old girl and have suspected for a long time that I have bipolar. I had a perfectly happy childhood until one day when I was twelve when my mom, who'd struggled with severe bipolar for years when she was younger but had been in remission for almost 20 years, had an episode that landed her in the hospital for weeks and completely tore our family apart. It changed my life, I've never been a happy girl since. I was told at the time that there was a chance I could have inherited it from her, but I didn't even want to acknowledge that. I was embarrassed by my mom, and even today I see how obviously medicated she is and don't ever want to be like that.
But for the past couple of years, I've just noticed that something isn't right. As a kid I was told by several teachers that I was the brightest student they'd ever had, but in high school and now college, while my grades are still good, I know they're not what they could be. My focus became so bad that I was tested for ADD when I was 17, and the psychiatrist almost laughed at the results and told me that I was very bright and definitely did not have ADD. As time goes on, it just gets worse. I keep reading that bipolar can often be confused with ADD and even though I want so badly to deny any possibility that I could have it, something tells me there's a good chance that I do.
My apartment is a complete mess, and it seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't keep it clean. I have only two playlists of music on my computer: a sad one and a happy one. I'm very social, I go out all the time, but I haven't had a very close friend since middle school and I haven't been in a relationship in over two years. I could go on but don't want to write a novel.
All I know is that I really need to find out what is wrong. I'm terrified, I can't talk to my mom about it and I don't want to scare off any friends. Does anyone have any advice?
Post edited by: pnkpnthr78, at: 06/29/2011 12:39 PM
Get yourself to a psychiatrist. They will be able to diagnose you and get you help. With the right medications, you can live a healthy, normal life. I think if your mom sounds over medicated. You should just be level and have normal emotions when you are stable and live your life easily. Medications are very important in obtaining stability. I hope you can get in to see a psychiatrist very soon. Your questions will be answered. There is a lot of support here and you will make friends. I'm glad you are reaching out. I hope you soon find out what is going on with you. Welcome to the group!
I completely agree with Joy. You need to get to a pdoc and find out. If you are bipolar, there are great meds. My life is completely better after going to a pdoc and getting diagnosed with BP 2. I'm on meds now that keep me stable and I feel better than I have in years.
The younger you are at diagnosis, the better your prognosis, so don't put it off. Mild bipolar can get worse over time. Your mood swings become more dramatic. Medications can stop that from happening.
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