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Bipolar Forums › General & Support › Urges to commit suicide still.
06/27/2011 05:56 AM
Urges to commit suicide still.
Endzeit
Posts: 1
Member
Hi so I've jusy been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 about 3 weeks ago and I have been put on Lamictal, I know the 1st 2 weeks they said I would not feel nothing but I'm on 50 mg at the moment now, but I still feel the urge to just want to kill myself just because I want to and because I can, so right now its exausting trying to keep myself stabel mentally, and how rapid my cycles change I can't keep up, I feel its gonna get to a point where I'm just not gonna care anymore and just go through with it.
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06/27/2011 06:49 AM  Top
Sparkerama
The period after diagnosis is a dangerous time because a treatment plan is still tentative and patient awareness of treatment strategies is low. Have faith that there is much that can be done to ease your suffering and that most of us have gone through this. The impulse to hurt yourself is usually based in a desire to stop suffering and a belief that nothing can be done. Take it from me: suffering can be stopped and treatment can be effective. It is merely a symptom of the illness to think otherwise; don't let it fool you.
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06/27/2011 06:49 AM  Top
Sparkerama
I would also urge you to notify your doctor of these suicidal thoughts.
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06/27/2011 07:19 AM  Top
ZadieBlue
ZadieBlue  
Posts: 3814
VIP Member
I agree with Sparky. My advice -- and I know this is difficult, even for the seasoned veteran -- is to try to accept where you are right now without judging yourself. Try not to think of the past or guess about the future, but try to stay in the here and now. You've made a commitment to change and try to make things better, and it's a process that'll take some time. In my experience, being on Lamictal was very frustrating since it takes forever to raise the dose to a therapeutic level -- once there, I got the dreaded rash and had to be taken off of it! It may take a while to figure out the meds, but in the meantime there are behavioral things you care try to help you cope. Yes, call your pdoc -- some meds have the side effect of making these feelings worse.

Zadie

"I'm going to quit -- dried turkey." - Anonymous

"I forgot my mantra." - Annie Hall

"Knocked me on the head and sent me spinning
It was a blast I can't remember the last time
Stand between two poles and hold your arms up
I'll kick me over your head and stock down . . . " - Throwing Muses

Female, age 37

Bipolar I (mild)
• Episodes / cycling happen most often during Spring and Fall allergy season; some dissociation possible during episodes.
• GAD dx 12/11, PTSD traits, ED (in recovery)
• Boarding school survivor :)

PSYCH:
Adderall 15 mg x 2 • Prozac 40 mg • Ativan 1.5 mg • Geodon 120 mg • Starting Lithium again
(Levothyroxine 50 mcg • Atenolol 12.5 mg x 2 • Clonidine 0.1 mg x 3).

ALLERGY / ASTHMA -- (Winter / Spring cocktail): Levocetirizine • Alvesco HFA 160 mcg • Ketotifen Fumarate PRN • Flovent • ProAir PRN

Mercy Buckets to everyone!!!
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06/27/2011 07:50 AM  Top
Arauna
Hi, I was diagnosed almost 17 years ago now and even though I am for the most part stable there are times or things that trigger depressive and suicidal thoughts. I hate these periods because I don't feel good, physically or mentally, and fighting the thoughts is hard sometimes. But I do it because I know that that is all they are, thoughts, and that I *can* be in control of what happens to myself by getting ridding of them and following the new, positive path that has been laid out for me. Believe me, if you can hang in there and recognize things for what they are or aren't, that can really help you. But the only way to be sure is to talk to your doctor about your concerns.

Back to the thoughts - the specific way I deal with them is when they come, recognize them as a symptom of my illness or perhaps an exaggerated reaction to a legitimate concern, and put them back instead of dwelling on them. I know they are going to come, the experts and the DSM-IV say so, so I kind of think to myself "oh, a suicidal thought" and I dissect it and pull it apart before I integrate it. That stops me pretty much every time now. Ever since I told myself no, those thoughts are the line, I haven't had much trouble with it. Good luck and if you want to write to me please do.
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06/27/2011 09:37 AM  Top
sarahtroy
sarahtroy  
Posts: 12576
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate
Hi. If you are having "urges to commit suicide" or "feel its gonna get to a point where I'm just not gonna care anymore and just go through with it," please contact your psychiatrist immediately or go to the nearest Emergency Room or call 911. The number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.
Bipolar II, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks, Agoraphobia & PTSD; Alcoholic in recovery since 3/21/07.

Aplenzin 522mg; Pristiq 200mg; Lamictal 400mg; Geodon 160mg; Ativan 1mg TID; Deplin 15mg; Xanax PRN; Metoprol 100mg.

• "Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens."
• "My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet." ~Edith Wharton
• "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Ian MacLaren (Usually mis-attributed to Plato)
• "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin

My support and advice is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
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