Bipolar Support Group

i never get drunk (never), i like to stay in control. i don't drink during the day or when i'm not supposed to. never had any negative consequences from drinking, and no one is concerned. the problem is that it's very hard for me to go a day without drinking. very very hard. most of the time i actually don't feel like it. It usually doesn't feel all that great.

But i KEEP drinking (about 6 a day. but i don't feel hardly anything).... mostly because i don't know how to just BE. i'm mildly depressed during the day but there's coffee and things to do and meds. but at night...there is nothing. there's tons to do..but nothing left within me. no motivation or happiness or ability to relax or even enjoy relaxation. no ability to be entertained by anything, no ability to be ok with not being entertained.

So i drink! Because i just don't know what else to do with myself. I am taking lamictal 200 mg. Adderall 20mg 2x a day. and abilify 1.5 mg for now.

the lamictal has helped a lot with rage and panic attacks..etc. the abilify is helping a bit with the depression but i know alcohol makes both of these less effective. And i really want to be happy.

How can i deal with the late afternoon/nighttime sadness and hopelessness?

This might not be the best place to post this but any advice is appreciated. Thank you!

By your own admission, alcohol weakens the effectiveness of your meds, but instead of quitting so that you can feel better, you have six a day.

I think if you gave up the alcohol and let the meds do their job, you might feel a lot better about your situation. If you find that you cannot stop drinking, would you consider rehab or some sort of program to help?

Here's something to consider, I came across this by accident: Amphetamines and alcohol make a great combination. My drinking increased when I went on Ritalin. It's no accident that Crystal Meth users are downing vodka. The combo can be addictive. At first, the stimulant may feel like too much, so people reach for alcohol. Consider the fact that you take Adderall during the day and then need to come down to sleep at night. My pdoc prescribes a benzo, which is hardly different from alcohol -- maybe you could request this? Ativan maybe? I take Librium, it's like Valium. At least that way it's controlled and measured. It would get you off the alcohol.

You're actually describing a phenomenon that often occurs with uppers. Who the he'll wants to be "up" at night when their life sucks??? What goes up must come down. Talk to your pdoc but 1). Do NOT tell him you're drinking or he won't prescribe any benzos (he'll see you at risk for addiction, and may even pull the Adderall as my pdoc did -- I'm on Ritalin now -- and 2). DON'T mix alcohol with benzos -- you'd think you'd feel 2x better but the liver can only handle one chemical at a time, and alcohol always goes through first -- not only will it put you at risk of overdose even at small quantities at a time, but it will make you feel plowed, demolished, for a longer period of time -- and NOT in a good way!

I'vd been where you are and there are psychopharmacological reasons for some of what you're doing. Have you ever considered that the Adderall is too strong? Ritalin is a good step down. There's no reasonable expectation for you to take that drug without having help coming down so you can sleep -- rx is safer, more measured.

I also completely understand the nothingness of the night, believe me. I get what you're saying. I'm sure many others do too. In such a state, you can PM me anytime.

Take care!

Zadie