Bipolar Support Group

does anyone have any tips about being married to a non-bipolar? sometimes he doesn't get it at all--what my needs are, why I'm "cranky" and push him away, etc. etc. He thinks he's a big hero for putting up with me, but he's far from perfect (aren't we all?)

I think most of us here who are married are married to non bipolar people. There are a few who are married to bipolar people. Suggest to your spouse to read up on this disease and learn all he can and let him know this would make you feel better. I let my husband know daily how i'm feeling and doing so that he's always in tune to my moods, this helps us communicate so much better. It took my husband a long time before he took any interest in learning anything about depression (was originally treated for many many yrs for depression/anxiety, wasn't until 2007 finally diagnosed with bipolar). Since the bipolar diagnosis my husband has finally taken an interest in learning more about this disease, i'm grateful for this, its helps our relationship with him having knowledge about what i go thru daily.

My husband (soon it be ex, sorry to say) is non bipolar too. He is a great man. But he really struggles with understanding my moods. And I am sorry to say that divorce in

marriages where one or more partner has a biploar is about 90%. Wow, right. On the up side I have met many people here who have and are making it work.

I think the best thing I could have done, or my husband could have done, was gone to therapy with me. Something he was uncomfortable with, so I never forced it. Looking back, it could have helped him learn ways of working with me. And I think, I would have help me understand what he was going through too. We could have learned health ways to interacted and handle our issues. We could have learned together how to make our marriage work. As it was, Bipolar was "my" issue and I dealt with it alone.

Oddly enough our marriage started to fail after I started to get better. I had found meds that were working, had great doctors, felt "normal" for the first time decades. And he could not deal with me that way.....could not see me as an equal.....could not understand that we could have a "healthy" disagreement without me spinning out of control. It never accrued to me that my getting better could be bad for "us".

So my best advise is to talk to him about going to therapy with you, or even by himself, if he is more comfortable with that. Present it, not as a way to help you, but as a way to keep your marriage healthy and strong, now and in the long term. If he will not consider therapy their are some great books out there. MDJunction also has a support group for Spouses of those with bipolar. Maybe he could find support here too.

Good luck and we are always here if you need us.

Post edited by: OrchidFlower, at: 05/30/2011 07:45 AM

hi there. I am also married to a person who is mentally healthy. we keep things running smooth in this way. he may not understand all the nuiances of my disease, but he tries to be helpful. But he insists that I be responsible for my own appointments for therapy and medications as best as I am able. he kind of keeps an eye on my caffience intake as I can go overboard sometimes. I let him have his space. I send him on his alone time..to the movies or gaming(he has a group hobby). and I try not to interfer. sometimes I need to keep him home with me if I am haivng a really bad time, though it is not often. We have date days and we take turns cooking. I have my group activies too, that don't involve him. The only bug we have that I wish we didn't is that I cannot drive. I wish I could, but it hasn't happened yet. I used to. I stopped after I was involved in a robbery. I kinds freaked out and started flashing back. But we are definately a team.

I'm trying to get my wife to go to support meetings and open IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program), but she hasn't gone to this day. I don't know what she's afraid of. If you can get your spouse to go to these meetings, like NAMI(National Alliance for the Mentally Ill), then they can learn why we act the way we do.