Bipolar Support Group

Hi , I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder a couple of weeks ago, my phsyc is not really sure whether to put me as bipolar 1 or bipolar ll.

I have suffered with depression for years and years and been on antidepressants. Looking back it was clear that it wasnt depression as my mood swings have always been qquite dramatic and what I put down to spontineity was clearly an episode.

Anyway so I got my diagnosis as severe bipolar and I am now takingbetween 50 to 100 mg of Quetiapine at night and 50 mg of Lamotrigine in the day, plus 15 mg of diazepam that I have been on for a few years.

Anyway I suppose for years when I have gone through periods of real stress I have self medicated with Alcohol, and become dependant on it, In feb 2008 my 6 year old was diagnosed with Ewings sarcoma a rare form of childhood cancer, after a long and difficult journey she passed away in November 2010 aged 9, I self medicated a lot for that 3 years and went into rehab for a week in Jan this year, it was when I was dry for a couple of months I realised my problem wasnt so much the alcohol, it was manic depression that I can trace back to about the age of 11, (im 35) but the problem now is and what I need advice on is I am finding it really hard to stop drinking and I know I am not meant to drink whilst taking these meds. But its drink so u dont think. Can anyone help?? offer me some advice?? xx

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear child. I would probably drink over that too and I have been sober for 20 years. You need a for real support system, somewhere you can go to and talk. We are great for support but right now I feel it would help you. I have been in AA for 20 years and find them all to be supportive of all of my issues, alcohol, or the bipolar. It is wonderful. Please try them out and welcome to MDJ!

9jel... Welcome to MDJ & to our group. You will find a great deal of support & information here. I'm glad you found us!

I am so sorry for all you went through and the loss of your daughter. What an incredibly difficult & painful journey that must have been. I can completely understand the need for self medicating. In 2004 I had a daughter that died, but it was not long after she was born. I had contracted Coxsackie B Virus during a hospitalization while I was pregnant. It did not effect me, but it went straight to my uterus. It caused premature labor... One small test showed the existence of the virus, other than that we would not allow further testing on her, simply because there was nothing they could do. This infects the heart, pancreas, and liver....and leads to aseptic meningitis. There was nothing they could do for her with this infection present.

I self medicated for a long time with straight Vodka & Xanax. It kept me just numb enough to function through the pain.... or at least I thought I was functioning at the time. I seriously should have been hospitalized, but I did not have a diagnosis of BP yet at that time so it never crossed anyone's mind to consider it. My husband was on me constantly about taking the Xanax with Alcohol, so I put the Xanax away and just kept drinking.

I tell you all of this so that you know that I understand your need for the alcohol & what it does for you.

Then in 2007, I was finally diagnosed as BPI & started on meds. My drinking continued for years. It wasn't until 2010 when I realized for myself that it had gotten out of control. I started doing research on my own about the effects of alcohol with the meds that I was on.

It wasn't doctors warnings or medical research that made me walk away from the alcohol. What I found online was personal account after account of people that were taking Lamictal (which I was taking)& other psych meds, that had HORRIBLE consequences. It's not that I didn't "know" these things, but actually reading it from other people scared me. I cleared my house of all Alcohol & never looked back. I have too much life left to live & it was then that I realized that living a life in a state of "numbness" was not a life that my daughter would have wanted for me. It was only then when I put the Alcohol away that I truly started living & dealt with all that happened.

I would highly recommend seeking an AA in your area for some help. I was able to do it without them, but that's just me & I'm married to a man that doesn't drink & was extremely supportive, so I wasn't around alcohol at all either. I don't know your personal situation.

Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk. I know I've shared a lot here, but I just wanted you to know that at least on some level I have an understanding of what you are going through.

Post edited by: bpjourney, at: 05/22/2011 05:12 AM

Alcohol is a depressant. It will make your bipolar worse. That will make your alcoholism worse.

To recover from bipolar you not only need to think, you need to learn to think clearly and separate negative thoughts from healthy ones. As long as you are trying not to think, you are fighting your recovery.

You have suffered a terrible trauma. You also have to cope with this, a separate psychological issue from bipolar.

It really comes down to whether you have the determination to save yourself. You face a very important choice. What will you choose?

There is a bipolar drug, not widely used but fairly safe, called Neurontin that has helped many bipolar people lose the craving for alcohol. You could present your problem to your doctor and ask if they have had luck giving this med. The problem is that many doctors don't use it, so they have no experience with it. There are also other drugs that can assist with alcoholism but I am not well informed about them.

You really ought to consider attending AA meetings if you are serious. I don't mean to tell you what to do. However, this is a serious problem and it merits using every tool you can muster.

thank you for yr replies, I have noted the drugNeurontin down and will ask the phsyc on Tuesday, today was a bad day, I was so close to taking all my drugs not telling anyone this time and ending it, did I say Jazmine my little girl should have been 10 last wednesday?? I am not with my childrens dad, I also have a little girl that is nearly 5, I am in a relationship that is complicated to say the least, re AA meetings I dont want to face the world at the momentt Jaz only left me 6 months ago, and I loved her and miss her more than anyone else in the world but I want to be the mother for Jessenia that I cant be for Jazmine, but people are always chip chip chipping away at my self esteem and I feel crap and useless xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am so sorry that those around you are not being supportive! Shame on them after all that has happened. YOU are not useless & Jessenia needs you, just as my children needed me. I know it's hard and I know that it feels like the hole you are in will last forever, but I promise you that time will help you! Do you have a Therapist as well as your Psychiatrist? If not, is therapy something that you would be willing to do? It may help you a great deal with much of what you are going through. Therapy is much more intimate of course versus going to something like AA. I completely understand your reasons for not wanting to do that. I actually suffered from Agoraphobia for a long time after my Maggie died and could barely leave the house, let alone actually be somewhere that anyone could look at me. I still have it and it still happens from time to time that I have a hard time going places, but not like it was back then.

When I was hospitalized for depression and being suicidal in 2009, a psych nurse talked to me about "why" I wanted to end it. I'm going to send you a PM about that conversation.

If you are feeling that way again, you need to pick up the phone and call the suicide hotline or get to the ER.

Thanks I have noted that drug as well. I am seeing a phsyc today at the rehab place I went to, and then my private phsyc tomorrow, I phoned Crisis last night and asked if I could be sectioned but I couldnt be, I was very close to gathering up all my meds and taking them all, my meds are making me feel really really dizzy and faint (mind you I dont eat for at least 3 days at a time) and I am having really lucid bizzarre dreams is that normal?? xxxxxxxxxxx