MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
12/18/2008 12:05 AM

What do BP's do when they "disappear"?

Brigitte
Posts: 9
Member

This question is unrelated to my story and experience with a BP man. However, ater reading so many similar stories about the "disappearing" BP person (man or woman) who just suddenly drops out of sight for weeks and months at a time, I got very curious. Where do they go and what do they do? How and what do they feel while they are away from their spouses and SO's? Do they disappear when they are manic/hypomanic only? Or do they also take off when they are depressed? Are they happy? Sad? Relieved? Are they partying like there is no tomorrow, or are they sitting in a corner somewhere sobbing and feeling guilty yet unable to go back to their families, spouses, etc...?

Can someone, especially who has pulled the disappearing act, please shed light on what goes on in the mind of the person who decides to just take off, leaving wife/husband/kids/SO behind?

--- The discussion has been locked ---

 

12/18/2008 12:31 AM
piedlourd
cirquepourvousPosts: 1710
Senior Member

the thing about is the many times you don't know what's going on their minds. if someone is unmedicated, i don't think i could tell you from personal experience. half the time i wouldn't be able to explain behaviour myself.

not a very satifying answer. others will give you better i'm sure.

--- The discussion has been locked ---


12/18/2008 12:41 AM
jennywren
jennywrenPosts: 3167
Senior Member

Hello Brigitte,

I don't know if this with help you or not. But in my case I first thought that I wanted to hire a dump bin and toss all my brick a brac into it. I did not want it cluttering up the house. The brick a brac is usually treasured with some expensive things. I did not do it, due to health problems so still stuck with it. Smile

The the next option was to just turn my back on my house (I live by myself - and love it!). The idea was to cut contract with family (and in particular sister - who has a VERY BAD habit of liking herself to any mental disorder I have. She is to me at times just a plain idiot. I resent her attempts to valid herself by liking herself to me. I am more intelligent, uni degree, a boyfriend some years younger than myself.

Ah, bit I degress. My plan was to leave the house, find myself a room and make a new life for myself. Financially I can do this. But again age and health stopped me.

Possibly when bipolars turn thier back on home family, they are looking for something different in the hope that their "uncomfortable feelings" will go away. Runnning to be alone and away from those, who they think they have worn out their welcome or they are causing their friends and family too much heartbreak.

Which I will now add, I am planning to get my sister out of my "backyard" in no uncertain terms. I hope it works and she will cease likening herself to me. Enough is enough, tis now some fifty years she has done this.

Dunno if this answers it for you or not. Yeap have taken myself off Risperodal which was holding me, till Lamictal has been titrated up to a thearputic dose.

Dunno if this helps,

JennyWren

--- The discussion has been locked ---


12/18/2008 01:48 AM
cats4me59
cats4me59  
Posts: 919
Senior Member

i feel the extreme need to be alone. to think, maybe clear thoughts in head w/out everybody elses lives put in mine or their thoughts. it's like to many talking heads.
--- The discussion has been locked ---


12/18/2008 03:02 AM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

I'm with Cats here, although I have never walked away from my husband or kids, when I was single, if I got to a very stressed out state, I would disappear for a few days, I would find myself a hotel/motel room and just stay hold up there for a while, not going out, get pizza delivery, and just be quiet or watch tv. It helped me to quiet the voices running around in my head, mine and anyone else that I was near too, let me find my center, and then get back into things.
--- The discussion has been locked ---


12/18/2008 03:19 AM
ashleyd

i haven't necessarily run away but i have cut off communication because i was tired of my behavior hurting the ones i love and i felt overly burdensome.
--- The discussion has been locked ---


12/18/2008 06:39 AM
RedRobin
RedRobin  
Posts: 915
Member

Agreed Ash, I sometimes drop out of life because i'm depressed and i sometimes feel like i'm judged and i feel uncomfortable because i consider myself "different" from everyone else.

I walked away from my first husband and son because PPD caused depression and a manic cycle before i was diagnosed.

--- The discussion has been locked ---


12/18/2008 06:41 AM
countrymouse
countrymouse  
Posts: 5693
VIP Member

When I run away, it's more about depression and isolation then anything else. When I'm in a hypomanic or manic state I tend to be more social and outgoing. I'm not sure why I retreat, but I know it does offer a sense of relief, like Carmen and Cats have said...it quiets the noises in my head and eventually things get a little more clear. I should say that I have never abandoned my daughter, but have cut myself off from all other family and friends many times over the years.
--- The discussion has been locked ---


12/18/2008 06:51 AM
justrembering
pirateprincess421  
Posts: 31179
VIP Member

I ran away once. I thought no one in my family understood me. I thought they all thought I was faking it. Especially my husband. So that's my 2 cents.
--- The discussion has been locked ---


12/18/2008 08:44 AM
Buggafly
Buggafly  
Posts: 85
Member

I wish that I could articulate the way I felt when I left my husband the three times that I have in the past (the last time was almost 3 years ago over a period of 16 years). I know that I was both manic and depressed because I had intense desires to live on my own and make my own money. To escape the daily grind of chores around my house that I felt like no one appreciated that I did anyway. Sometimes I feel clausterphobic being around my family and I need space to just think and feel whatever is going on in my mind. My home environment is pretty much uneventful and stress free for the most part, but when I have a manic episode I'm looking for excitement and I feel like I can do anything; ie. start a new business, take on a new job, make new friends, go back to college, handle more responsibilities, live on my own. But then the crash hits me like a freight train and I get scared to even get in a car and drive myself somewhere.

After looking back through the years, I've noticed a pattern to my disappearing behavior that often times mimicks SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) because it is always in the Spring (Manic) or Fall (Depressed) when I feel like leaving for no logical reason. I felt it this last Spring and Fall too, but instead of taking off I decided to tell my husband that I was starting to feel like I needed to run away and I didn't understand why because I was very happy with my life. Prior to this time, I was heavily medicated and walked around like a zombie. So he didn't really understand, but he tried very hard to listen and be supportive without pushing me away further, he encouraged me to talk about it with him, my therapist and to seek additional support through my pdoc, friends, family and online support groups like here at MDJunction. This time I just kept thinking about how I never want to hurt my husband and kids by making rash decisions based on my illogical emotions and it worked, but that's not to say that this will always work in the future... but I hope it does.

I'd just like to say also that sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the prospect of reading other people's stories on here, but somehow it makes me feel like I can do this with the help of everyone here, because I see that other people are dealing with the same types of things I am dealing with. Often times, I feel like I'm the one that needs to be strong for everyone else so I don't always show my true colors of fear, insecurity, dellusions and illogical thinking. I hide them away because I feel shameful for behaving or thinking irrationally. But like you I'm just trying very hard to keep it all together so no one, including myself gets hurt.

--- The discussion has been locked ---


Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved