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12/15/2008 02:34 PM

Need advice.....

TrueBlue
TrueBluePosts: 46
Member

I was wondering if someone could answer a question for me. And maybe give me some advice on how to handle this situation.... I came to this site nearly a year ago in hopes that I could be of support and understand a bipolar friend of mine a bit better. Well, one of the problems is that he keeps telling me that we did things in the past that we never did. Just stupid things, but still, things that we never really did. When I tell him that we never did those things he tells me that I just don't remember. He has made up so many stories that he truly believes, but I just let them go and don't say much about them. He has also said, and done, a few inappropriate things that I have let slide, but now he tells me that I am the one who has said and done these things, and not him. If I ever argue with him about anything he just walks away for weeks on end, and sometimes months. I am at my wits end here. I care about him a great deal, he has no other friends, but can I ask... is this normal bipolar behavior? I know that it's just not bipolars that do this but is this one of the things that is more common among those with bipolar? I really want to remain his friend but I don't always want to take the blame for something I didn't do, or want him to keep on being like this to me. Sometimes he can be so sad and lonely and he confides things in me but is it worth it? I have to know. thanks!!
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12/15/2008 02:57 PM
RedRobin
RedRobin  
Posts: 915
Member

It is more common in person's with a pathological disorder. Not Bipolar behavior in my experience but there can be occasional memory lapses.

He needs a doctor and a diagnosis but i wouldn't put my money on BPD...but then again i suck at blackjack so what do i know?


12/15/2008 07:32 PM
ComingUndone
ComingUndone  
Posts: 1444
Senior Member

Sit him down and be totally honest with him, and go from there. If anything you guys can compromise and "agree to disagree" and then never bring it up. That never happens to me, but I really don't remember things. So if someone says "this and this happened", it probably did and I don't remember.

12/15/2008 07:54 PM
zinnia
zinniaPosts: 3990
VIP Member

i have memory issues at times. sometimes, it's caused by my meds. however, i have had times where i've had a manic episode and then talked about something with my family that i "remembered" happening during the time i was manic, and they tell me that's not quite how it went. that having been said, it sounds like your friend is having a more severe problem than having an out of whack memory of events. if over and over again, he talks about things that never happened and if he is projecting onto you things that he himself has done, this is something that he really needs to talk to his psychiatrist about. the problem could be caused by meds or there could be something more serious that the doctor needs to look into. the doctor sure won't know if no one tells him/her. you might think about writing a letter to your friend and describing his behavior as gently as possible. tell him in the letter that you care about him and you're worried about him. reassure him that you will still be his friend and that you'll help him talk to his doctor about what's happening. a letter can be better for this kind of thing because the person has to sit there and read it without getting defensive and having you there to react to. that's really the best idea i've got for you because what you're describing sounds serious.

finally, you said your friend has done some "inappropriate things" that you have "let slide". if this person is treating you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or scared, then you need to worry about you. i know you want to help your friend and it does sound like he's probably pretty lonely, but you need to be safe first and foremost. if your gut tells you that what's happening just isn't right, then it might be time to write that letter but also say in the letter that you think it's better if the two of you spent some time apart. you have to take care of you.

good luck. that sure sounds like a tough one.


12/16/2008 09:55 AM
TrueBlue
TrueBluePosts: 46
Member

Thanks to ALL of you for your advice and opinions, they are greatly appreciated.

Zinna, I have written him things before, about a few minor things, and that is when he blows me of for months at a time, and then comes back like nothing ever happened. He only sees it his way and no one elses. He'll say that I always have to be the right one! Again, he projects that onto me.

Well, anyway, I personally think that he has a lot more going on with him than being bipolar. Having been on this site for almost a year now, reading what everyone has said, and what everyone is going through, he is different. I can't describe it. I think that he is also a narcasist, since he has no real remorse about anything he has done, And everyone here seems to feel awful for what they put others through, at times. Everything, and everybody, revolves around him, or should, so he thinks. No wonder he has no other friends! Or maybe he just doesn't know how to respond, I'll give him that. I really wanted to be his friend but I don't think that I can anymore. I have done all that I can, and think that the best that I can do is let him fade out of my life. Do it so he hardly notices. People around me have said that I used to be SO much happier before he came back into my life. Again, I appreciate the help you have given me here.

Post edited by: TrueBlue, at: 12/16/2008 09:57

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