amykirouac
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HELLO, LAST JUNE I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR, BPD, PTSD & MAJOR DEPRESSION. I AM ON Wellbutrin, PROZAC, SEROQUEL(2 DIFF DOSES), ATIVAN AND LITHIUM. AS OF LAST MAY I WAS IN THE PSYCH WARD 5 TIMES. I DID FEEL OK, BUT NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. EVERYTHING THAT STARTED ALL THIS(MENTALY) IS COMING BACK TO ME.  FOR ABOUT THE LAST 2 WEEKS I HAVE BEEN PUTTING ON AN ACT, LAUGHING AND SMILING. I AM DOING THIS SO NO ONE WILL WORRY ABOUT ME AND LET ME BE. I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN KEEP THIS UP. LATELY I HAVE BEEN NOT GOING TO BED UNTIL AROUND 1 OR 2 IN THE MORNING AND THEN SLEEP ALL DAY. MY HOUSE IS A WRECK AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS JUST SIT HERE AND NOT BE BOTHERED. I FEEL BAD FOR MY HUSBAND, JUST NOT IN THE MOOD TO HAVE SEX. SLOWLY ALL THE BAD THOUGHTS ARE COMING BACK TO MY MIND. I SI AND THAT THOUGHT IS SO INTENSE, SAME WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND I AM THINKING OF WAYS TO DO IT, I PUSH THE THOUGHT OUT OF MY MIND, BUT DAM IT, IT IS SO HARD, THE THOUGHTS COME AND GO ALL DAY! MY THERAPIST DOESN'T HAVE ANY ROOM UNTIL NEXT THURSDAY, I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE HIM TODAY, BUT THINGS HAPPENED AND I HAD TO RESCHEDULE. I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ANYONE BECAUSE I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO WORRY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT EVERYONE THINKS BECAUSE I AM ON MEDS AND HAVEN'T BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL SINCE LAST SEPTEMBER THAT I AM "CURED" AND IF I DONT PUT THAT F***ING AND FAKE SMILE ON ALL I HEAR IS "ARE YOU OK" AND ALL THEY REALLY WANT TO HEAR IS "I'M FINE". I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE I KNOW THE WILL JUST SECTION 12 ME. THANKS FOR LISTENING 
Post edited by: amykirouac, at: 01/03/2008 22:47 |
