Bipolar Support Group

I did an internet search for personal stories of mania and some came up under MDJunction. I decided to join and share just one day of my worst manic/psychotic state with you. I'm 45 now and was diagnosed at 17 with bi-polar disorder. About five years ago a manic/psychotic attack came over me out of the blue while I was taking Lithium medication. Precipitated by some discussions my husband and I had about prejudice against mental illness and hiding it. I wanted to be more open and honest and he thought I should keep it as secret as possible. I think an repressed anger quickly grew out of this but anyway it developed fast and soon I wasn't sleeping and feeling energised and rebellious. I live in Corfu, Greece and so was due to go to England via Athens. I set off but couldn't make it out of Athens airport after not sleeping for four nights. I was in a daze. So I went to stay with my husband's relatives in Athens. I thought I could relax there and felt happy and much calmer until everyone began worrying and panicking with my husband insisting I return home. As a result I became much worse. After not sleeping again - probably 7th night by then I felt paralysed in my body and almost gave up the fight slipping into a depressive coma. Something in me though refused because i knew that would mean hositalisation which i didn't want. With the little energy i had I began to massage my own muscles until I felt I had enough energy to crawl. I dragged myself literally into the living room - where family members were just waking up. I lay down on my back on the kitchen floor and instinctively began what I can only describe as a kind of self exorcism. It was as if I exorcised all the 'badness' and 'negativity'out of me mainly by chanting and singing and some kind of praying (which I normally don't do). The relatives were very good, they asked me if I was cold or wanted a cup of tea but when I shook my head they just let me get on with it. After what seemed like an hour I sprang up full of energy and decided I was leaving the house. When someone tried to block my way I either 'staged' or it just happened some kind of wild fit, waving arms and legs and looking generally scary. This had the desired affect and I managed to get out. I had a pleasant day in Athens and did a lot of shopping but didn't spend that much. I was preparing myself for travel as I decided to just go off on my own until I felt ok. I thought I might have to sleep rough at some point so I was buying appropriate clothing etc. I thought I'd be going to another country until I realised I didn't have a passport. I hadn't taken a phone on purpose and I couldn't remember where the relatives lived. So by nightfall with 10 bags of shopping and a credit card I managed to locate a hotel. Thought I might finally sleep but then began to worry about my husband worrying about me but couldn't remember his number my head was so fuzzy. Left a message with my sister with name of my hotel but I had a terrible night there and didn't sleep. I was up and down to reception under the illusion my husband was coming for me. I could hardly stand up and my head hurt from lack of sleep and too much thinking. Half of me wanted to get dressed up and go out and party and half of me felt as if I were about to die, with cramps and pains all over my body. In the morning I didn't know if I was dead or alive. The police came to pick me up there, they handcuffed me but didn't say where they were taking me. One told me to 'have faith'. I wondered what he meant. Faith in what? I had been so determined not to have another stay in a psychiatric hospital but I knew that's where I was heading. For the second time my husband had effectively taken the decision to have me taken there. I had three weeks in Athens biggest psychiatric hospital where little english was spoken. I was hugging and stroking other patients believing that I could help to heal their pain. I kissed a patient because I really believed that he was my husband. I had quite a few other delusions too but can't really remember now. The doctors told my husband that I was lucky and that they hadn't been sure if I would completely recover my sanity - i.e get back to reality. It really is amazing what the mind and body and go through. I had one further hospitalisation about a year later and ended up on about five different drugs for a while. However I have been mania/psychotic and depression free for two years while taking only Lithium/Zoloft and for the last ten months Lithium only.

Hi Souzina and welcome, you have found a very supportive group, glad you joined. I am similar to hou in that I first took ill at 18 (full-blown mania/psychosis) involuntarily hospitalized 9wks, then hospitalized in 25 yrs later voluntarily 2007 for a re-assessment to finally get diagnosed as having bipolar. I was treated for depression anxiety all those yrs. I'm now 47, so i've lived with this illness more than half my life. Your most recent mania was really wild, you even survived with such little sleep, when you described lying on the floor for an hr that must have been quite an upsetting scene for both you and for your relatives to witness and this must have taken alot out of you physically and emotionally i guess in the end you needed the hospital to get you stabilized.

I've been on Lithium for over 12 yrs and an anti-dep and Klonopin and this combo worked very well for me for a long time, prior to taking only anti-dep for 10 yrs, i was really high functioning besides a few episodes where med dosages went up a bit, but until recently this past Jan. went off anti-dep (after 24 yrs) for physical reasons the pdoc tried Lithium only for one month (1050mgs) and i went hypomanic/mild manic so they tried adding Zoloft (to help anxiety) i got more manic and had to stop that after 2 wks, so finally now i'm taking Depakote 100 mgs. (mood stab) and Geodon (anti-psych.) Geodon 60 mgs. and Klonopin (anti-anxiety) and a small dosage (1/4 of what i was taking) of the original anti-dep i was on Clonipramine. After 3 months of mania, these past 4 wks i'm finally feeling more even-keel, there has been some dosage changes and i'm still cycling but not half as bad as i was and feelng a lot better.

My bipolar illness has really changed over the past 3 yrs, i used to have more depressive symptoms now i'm having more hypomania, its all too wierd. In the 24 yrs my husband has known me he's never seen me so ill with all the rapid cycling and mixed states along with sleep deprivation.

Feel free to post wherever you wish, if you have questions or concerns, private message (pm) me or any other group leader, take care and glad to hear you are hospital free for 2 yrs.

Hi and welcome. You had quite the experience with mania. I'm sorry that happened. Our minds are really amazing in what they can do to us. I'm sure your husband was very worried about you. I can't believe you went like 7 days without sleep. That's a long time. I'm sure your body and mind was tired. I hope you got a lot out of your hospital stay while you were there. You will like it here. We will support you fully. Everyone is caring and helpful and you will make a lot of friends. I look forward to reading your posts.

Welcome to the group. You have obviously had a really tough time. I myself have never experienced anything like that, but you must have been really frightened. It just goes to show that you never know what bipolar may bring. I have been more depressed lately, but when I was untreated, I was hypomanic... didn't realize it at the time. I just thought I was above others, smarter, prettier, had a great social life, and I drank ALL the time. I thought everything was perfectly normal... I had a great life. In retrospect I see it for what it was... out of control. I am diagnosed BP2 so I've never had full blown mania like you have. I hope your medications are helping you. This site is great for getting through those tough times.

Hello, this is my first time posting anything about my manic story, in fact I don't think I have ever told anyone most of it. I had my one and only manic episode in November 2008. I live in Canada. I left my husband, moved to San Diego Ca. My behavior was scary. I got involved with a man who I found out later was a convicted peodophile. Oh God, anyway, I thought people were following me, got paranoid, and actually called the F.B.I., My husband found me through friends and came to get me, I called the police and tried to have him arrested for stalking me. I got so paranoid that I drove to Mexico. I spent 2 days in Tiajauna, I cant spell, airport waiting for a flight to Cancuun. When I got to Cancuun, I had no place to stay, I lost my wallet, ended up being arrested, never arrested before, in my life. Stayed in jail for 2 days with no food or water. When they let me out I passed out on the street and the american red cross picked me up and brought me to the hospital. My husband was contacted and he flew to Mexico and brought me back to Canada where I was hospitalized for 2 1/2 months.

I really can't believe that this happened to me. I have so much more to say, so much more to learn and read here. I am thankful that I was able to write this....thanks

wonderful1... thank you for sharing and I am glad you are OK!!