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04/23/2011 09:42 PM

No idea.

UniqueLife
UniqueLife  
Posts: 1
Member

Im so scared of what i think im becoming..

As i write this i feel like crying, guess its admitting defeat, my heads all over the place. I am clever i know this, im so strange when i talk to people its like im acting to anyone and quite easily i will lie for no reason what so ever.. they was NO need to lie jade!!! .. the only time i feel at piece is when im on my own, when i can set my mind free say what i want do what i want. The start of this year was ment to be a new me.. no more bad thoughts just positive thinking.. Instead of this i decide to quit my job (Instore merchandiser)then to quickly realise my fault i begged for it back only position offered to me now was sales assistant,i took it and 2 months later quit again on mother day to be exact. Two days ago i landed my self another job after searching for a week. Whos to say i wont just quit i know i dont want to, i need this job.. money motivates me..Gets me out of bed. Helps me socalise with my friends.

I cant do this alone any more im so strong but the stronger i am the more it seems to be getting to me taking over my life. Nobody knows how can i start to explain to my friends that im not just a bit crazy at times.. ITS ALL THE TIME! I need to talk to someone who dont know me but deffinetly wont judge me. I have bad thoughts all the time can trigger from anything nothing to do from what i would be talking about with my friends or family. If i am Bipolar why is it out of all my friends and family only my sister is to ever mention it (not recently over a year ago now)

from 16 to around 19 i slept about never in a relationship lasting londer than 3 weeks? Now im casually seeing a man but i never want to have sex with him, ofcourse i do because that would be the 'normal' thing to want.. IM so used to watching everyone elses life as a guideline to what mine should be. Its like my emotions.. i feel hollow like nothing even matters to me anymore nothings going to get better its just going to get alot worse. Ive failed if i cant help myself and understand my own mind how the hell is anyone else going to be able to?

My friends are clever & so are my family. Yet to me there simple minded thinkers.. As i see right through people, I see what there thinking when there just looking.. I understand what there saying when it makes no sence at all just by there emotions.. i know how to help most situations Just not this one im sorry if all this sounds a bit muddled just a little of what goes round my head a daily basis. thanks for ur time any feedback would be great =]

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04/24/2011 04:40 AM
ApRiLGeTsAngry77

A big warm welcome to you. Lots of us have felt the way you have felt. Our emotions drive us. It is really important to reframe all the negative and bad thoughts that circle are mind. CBT therapy is a good resource to help with that. Have you ever talked with a therapist? If you tell them what you are feeling and thinking, they will help you pick apart your thoughts without judging you. Ask your pdoc to refer you to a therapist. A therapist will validate your feelings and help you understand all the thoughts in your head. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

04/24/2011 09:49 AM
Sparkerama

April, above, offers you you sensible and useful advice in just a few lines. I would read what she has to say several times.

The emotional states and confused thoughts you are feel, I call the "Bipolar Heebie-Jeebies." Most of us get them at least occasionally. The good news is they can be controlled. One way is through therapy, as April said. Another way is by learning to recognize and sort bipolar thinking from healthy thinking, and learn techniques for changing your thinking. We often talk about that here so if you visit often you can pick up techniques at your own pace.

I'm going to end with a link that might be helpful to you, especially the last section:

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/dt_handout_5.html

This is a good place to visit when you feel distress. I hope you will be back.


04/24/2011 03:06 PM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42714
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Welcome, UniqueLife. I think all of us have been in your shoes at one time or another. You are not alone at all. I think you are being much harder on yourself than warrants. I doubt that you are a failure at all. You are reaching out for help and that shows you want to get through and past this turmoil--to grow healthier. That says a lot about your character. The suggestions made are very good ones and I truly hope you will seek therapy to help you figure things out. Please know that you will find encouragement and support here. This is a wonderful group and I am glad you found us.

04/24/2011 03:14 PM
capecod84
capecod84  
Posts: 1820
Senior Member

I would go see a doctor for more direction on your situation.

04/24/2011 03:55 PM
sarahtroy
sarahtroy  
Posts: 14317
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hi UniqueLife (Jade), Welcome to MDJ and a special welcome to the Bipolar Support Group! I hope you find the people here as warm, welcoming, supportive, encouraging and helpful as I have.

I notice you are about 22-years old and from the United Kingdom. The above posters have already given such good ideas, I thought I'd just distill a few of them, while adding a few of my own. First, it is important to see a good psychiatrist (pdoc) for a medication evaluation. If you are already under the care of a psychiatrist, you may want to ask for a medication re-evaluation. Second, psychotherapy with a psychologist (tdoc) is encouraged. Specifically, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)was recommended and a link to a self-help site was provided. Another poster thought the doctor could provide more direction specific to your situation. Overall, you were encouraged to be gentler with yourself, praised for reaching out for help, and assured you were not alone.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing!

Post edited by: sarahtroy, at: 04/24/2011 03:56 PM


04/24/2011 05:32 PM
Eric17
Eric17  
Posts: 370
Member

Hey Jade:

I have little to add to the great posts above. I would like to reinforce the fact that you are not alone. Most definately not alone. Most of us here have experienced the pain and frustration of living with a muddled mind. This illness has brought me to my knees on more than one occassion. The good news is that it can be managed rather successfully with the right meds, therapy, and a healthy lifestyle. You have a whole life ahead of you; please take advantage of your youth and 'go for it'.

If you ever need to vent or have questions, we are here for you.

Eric


04/24/2011 09:44 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16598
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

You don't have to do this alone anymore. We are here to help you with this. We have all been where you are now. You are not a failure, you have a disorder that can be managed through medications and therapy. If you don't have a therapist right now, I would look into getting one. It's a big help and can change your thinking patterns. They help you look within yourself for answers. Medications are important too and I would call your psychiatrist and get a medication adjustment. You don't have to suffer this way. There is help, you just have to reach for it. You are reaching out to us and this is a great step. We will be here for you and help you through this. You will find much support here from very caring people. Welcome to the group!
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