Lori1972
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I'm just frustrated right now, I don't know where else to turn. I am 35yrs old and have struggled with depression my whole life, as a teenager I drank whenever I could in order to escape the pain of life. I was diagnosed a few years ago as being bipolar II, it feels like a death sentence. I have been married for 13yrs and we have 4kids together and are raising his daughter from his first marriage. (she was 2yrs old when her mother killed herself after the divorce) I'm trying to keep my head up so that I am a good mother and wife, which I feel I have not been. I have tried everything, I have had numerous hospitalizations, tried many different med combinations, been through several different doctors and therapists, read a ton of books and have done workbooks and am now getting ECT, which I have had in the past but didn't do maitenance like I am now. It's like I do really well for a while and then boom I crash and my family goes through hell. I like the doctor I have now and my therapist but that doesn't change what this does to my family. My husband now is very distant from me but says he doesn't know if he wants me to leave so I'm here but I see the way he looks at me. The last few months I have been so up and down and it changes some days within the day. I was in the ER the other day going to be admitted to the pshyc floor for suicidal thoughts but by the time the team came down to talk to me I felt a 100% better, my whole family thought I was lying. But I wasn't it was just like that. This scares me because I have taken a number of pills in the past and had my stomach pumped, not a fun experience. Please can anyone give me hope that it stops for good. Lori |
