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04/10/2011 07:26 AM

I feel like I'm going crazy


I'm so worried right now and anxious. These past few days have been so hard. I wanna go to hospital but if I do my parents will have to pay for it. I feel like I'm about go insane. I have so much energy and I can't stop moving at all. I'm only getting about 5-6 hours sleep too. My mood stabilizers I'm taking was making me feel a hell of a lot better but I started a therapy called EMDR. I called my psychiatrist and I got his voicemail because he's not there on sundays. I left a message basically asking what should I do? I don't feel like I'm gonna die but I wanna die. I don't wanna live with this anymore. I'm scared that my psychiatrist will get mad at me for bothering him.

This past week has been so hard to deal with. I'm losing my apetite, losing sleep, not taking care of myself, and feeling like I can't do anything but lay in bed. I keep thinking about if I take all my medicine that maybe I will feel better. I'm so panicky right now that almost couldn't find the forum to post this. I think I'm disoriented right now and I don't know how to calm down or relax. I wish all this energy I have would go away. About 2 hours ago I was so mad at the world and now my emotions did a 180. I don't know if I'm having racing thoughts or not because I feel confused. I'm still able to type out sentences correctly but I feel what if somebody reads this and thinks I'm crazy? I just wanna feel better from all this pain or whatever I'm experiencing.

I can't slow down at all. I don't know how to sedate myself and relax. I wanna get rid of all this energy but I wanna stay in bed too. I see my psychologist tomorrow but I feel like I can't trust anybody right now. I feel like that won't me to go crazy or something. I also feel like there lying to me or there not taking me serious enough or they think nothing's wrong with me. The last time I felt this way I went to the emergency room but I don't wanna go this time. What if I can't trust the doctors either? I wanna tell my parents about what I'm feeling but they won't understand at all. They minimize my problems and I don't know where to turn. I wanna take some melatonin and just sleep away the day but I can't stop. I don't know if this is mania or a mixed episode but my psychologist keeps telling me to just notice what I'm feeling. It's like he doesn't realize how I'm feeling or what I'm experiencing

Should I take some melatonin to calm down? What should I do to ease up from all this? I just really feel like I'm about to go crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


04/10/2011 09:05 AM
Posts: 2720
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If it makes you feel any better at all sleeping 5-6 hours a day would be a blessing to some of us. Even on sleeping pills !! I take 20 mg's of ambien and sleep a good 3-5 hours. Im not making lite of your situtation but this illness is easy to deal with for the most part with the help of your doc. Dont let yourself down !! Dont feel liek your bothering them (doc's) they get 75.00 for about 15 minutes each visit.

04/10/2011 09:40 AM
Posts: 7033
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I'm an Advocate

You are not crazy. I'm no pdoc, but it sounds to me like you are experiencing a mixed episode. Have you tried giving your parents stuff to read about bipolar? Bipolar for Dummies is a pretty good book about bipolar. I think it will give them more sympathy. I think you should tell them how you are feeling. Give them an article to read on mixed episodes.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. Keep posting. We will help you all we can.

04/10/2011 10:09 AM
Posts: 42705
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I'm an Advocate

I agree with Lisa, this sounds like a mixed episode and it's good that you called your pdoc. He may adjust your meds over the phone or fit you in tomorrow. You could exercise and I mean exercise hard. That will help expend the energy you are feeling. The melatonin will slow you down and you will probably go to sleep. I take Ambien and it helps with my sleep. But it sounds like your regular meds need to be adjusted because this shouldn't be happening on medication.

Giving your parents something to read about bipolar is a good suggestion. "Bipolar for Dummies" is a good and easy book to read. A good website is the National Institutes of Health. Here is the link to their bipolar section: disorder-easy-to-read/index.shtml

04/10/2011 11:11 AM

I think what your doctor is trying to say about noticing your feelings is that you should detach yourself from distressing feelings and look at them more objectively. This is best learned gradually when you are in better shape, and will be difficult to implement now. However, it's good advice that is merely not being explained clearly. It is a tool I use myself.

Clinically, mixed states are managed as manic episodes, so the question is what can you do to handle mania. Your judgment is too impaired right now to be playing games with meds. Perhaps you under-estimate how much help your parents can be.

It would be good if you could recognize that you are feeling paranoid. Pay attention to your thinking and try to steer yourself away from paranoid thoughts, which are being generated by the illness and have no basis in reality. Don't let them rattle you. You can do it. When the illness is doing the talking, it's time for you to tell it to shut up.

We look for triggers when we become depressed, but often skip it with mania. One common one is invalidation. That's when you are made to feel that your feelings or yourself don't matter and don't count. Another one is a stressful event. If something happened that stressed you, maybe you can talk to someone about that. Anger is another, and you could talk to someone about it if you feel it.

Try some relaxation exercises. Lie down, put your hands at your sides, and breathe with your stomach. Focus on the breathing. After a while some emotions might enter your mind, and they might have a message for you. In this detached state, you can listen to those messages and the emotion carrying them will usually shrivel or vanish. You'll be left with information about yourself: that you are guilty, angry, ashamed, anxious, irritable, etc. Then you can ask someone to tell you how they handle those emotions. Perhaps someone here will be of help.

I don't know your parents, but there may be a difference in whether you tell them you are freaking out, or you tell them that despite your best efforts you are losing control and may require help. Let them be part of the decision. Don't hammer them with your distress, play to your strengths but admit your vulnerability right now. Remember that it is painful to watch your child suffer.

I think if you can lessen your distress and move away from impulsive thoughts of hurting yourself, you should ask your parents (or someone you trust) to assist you in deciding whether it is safe for you to stay home until your appointment. If you get worse, go to the hospital. It is not the most expensive thing to be seen, evaluated and given something to settle you down.

Use this board to keep yourself occupied. That should help, and you will get frequent doses of support and advice.

I am sorry you are in distress, but it will not last, and you did a smart thing by coming here.

04/10/2011 01:39 PM
Posts: 16593
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I agree that it sounds like you are in a mixed state. I'm glad you called your psychiatrist. You shouldn't worry about bugging him. That is his job, to help you. They get paid a lot of money to do it. It sounds like you would benefit from a hospital stay if it gets much worse. You are not going crazy by any means. I think you should talk to your parents and tell them what you are feeling. Give them some information when you get a chance so they can better understand the illness. There is a lot of information on the internet. I really hope you come down soon. Taking some Melatonin might give you some sleep. Let us know how you are feeling. We care so much.

04/10/2011 06:31 PM
Posts: 1820
Senior Member

You said in your post you feel like you want to die. If thats the case you should hit the er and just get the hospital to set you up on a payment plan. You can't worry about trying to control all of your emotions, doing a million things, and taking another pill. I think the last thing you should do is add another pill to what you are taking with out asking the doc about the interactions. I personally don't think you are on enough medicine and that's why you feel this way. Any sleep aid should come from the doc. I think you will feel better if you get evaluated at the hospital so your meds can get adjusted and you won't have to go through this kind of mental hell.

04/10/2011 07:12 PM

I've been reading the comments repeatedly and it has helped. Thank yall. I feel better now, I still feel anxious but this morning I was in panic mode. Tomorrow I see my psychologist and I will tell him about everything to see if he still wants to go forward with the EMDR. I felt like if I went to the hospital I've let BP control me. Another reson I maybe feeling this way is I'm sick with a cold and I've been in bed all day. Right now I'm on Seroquel for a sleep aid. I've taken 50mg tonight to see if that helps. I'm also up to 350mg of Lamictal. I don't know if this is correct or not but maybe I've been handling all the anxiety wrong or something. I know I got through today which was a big accomplishment. Sometimes I feel as if I'm doing this for attention but the pain is so real. Tomorrow my Psychiatrist should call me. The only thing he's worried about is overdoing the Lamictal because it causes more anxiety. Last week he cleared me to take 325mg of Lamictal and I just started taking it 3 days ago because I felt like I didn't need it. I will keep you all updated about how it goes tomorrow. Again thanks for you alls help.

MissHildy I take Seroquel for a sleep aid but I wanted to take melatonin too. I haven't been cleared by my psychiatrist to take both of them together though.

I tried showing my dad a video on BP but he told me I know what BP is. It made me really upset. I won't let either of my doctors tell my parent anything.

I know it sounds like my parents are jerks, their loving and do worry about me. They just don't understand what I'm going through. Sometimes I feel like I can't trust anybody(like this morning). I will try and get them the book BP for dummies.

I didn't proof read any of this so if there is something that doesn't make sense please ask and I will clarify.

04/10/2011 08:00 PM

I am really glad to see that you have come down from this anxiety attack and I also feel that you need to let your pdoc talk to your parents if they are your support system. Otherwise, they will never understand what is going on with you or why you are feeling or behaving in a certain manner.

I also get very bad anxiety attacks to the point where I can not function properly or make rational decisions but with the help of everyone here on this site...I have found that this is the "BEST" therapy,we are all like minded and everyone here genuinely cares.So I just want you to are not alone..We are all here for you!!!!

04/10/2011 08:02 PM

EMDR is great for anxiety/panic. Basically the EMDR is taking me back to childhood and dealing with things that have made anxious. I've done EMDR before I was on my medications. and had great success, the only problem is that without medication so it didn't deal with everything. I know about Cognitive-behavioral therapy because I was treated with this by the same therapist. EMDR and CBT both have helped me before. I think the problem is lack of communication with my psychiatrist on how much anxiety I'm feeling. I would never commit suicide, I would go to the hospital first to get medical treatment, but I do have suicidal thoughts. My psychologist actually suggest I should buy the book 10 days to self esteem and to start that will doing the EMDR. It seems like a good combination.

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