Need advice about a new bipolar friend

Talking with her on the phone, I started to suspect something might be seriously wrong, and our first date left little doubt about it. She talked incessantly, rarely letting me get a word in, and when I was able to say anything she usually ignored it completely and went back to her own scattered train of thought. Her thoughts were clearly wandering, she'd talk about one thing for a minute, and then something completely unrelated the next.

The next day, we met up again, and she seemed a bit more relaxed with me, a little less talkative, and a little more in tune with things I said, but when she would stop talking, often it seemed like she would just drift away somewhere. If I asked her if anything was wrong, she'd just say she's tired. The day after that, she again seemed a little more in tune, but a little more tired.

She's never discussed the specifics of her condition with me, but she has shared what led her to it, in bits and pieces anyway. She had a very rough childhood. She did once share that she was hospitalized for her condition, whatever it may be, at one time. On another occasion, she told me she had taken medication for her condition at some point, but she's off it now.

At this point, any thoughts of a romantic relationship with her are out, but she seems to so desperately need a friend that I want to be there for her. I don't exactly have a lot going on outside work right now, having just moved to town myself. She told me she spent Christmas alone, has no family she can talk to and she's desperately poor. She can't hold down a job, and somehow she's landed herself in trouble with the IRS by reporting the income from the odd jobs she's taken.

I feel I really should do all I can to help her. About 7 years ago, I was severely depressed and made several bad choices while in that state. I quit a few different jobs and had trouble seeing my own situation clearly enough to act appropriately. Thank God, a friend of mine convinced me to get help and took me to his own psychiatrist who got me medication that got me out of my funk and lifted the veil that had shadowed my thoughts for so long.

These days I'm 100% better. I have been for years. I now have a very good job and make good money. I'd like to do all I can to "pay it forward" so to speak.

My friend is in her early 30s, as am I. She's bounced from low paying part time job to low paying part time job for years now, but at one point in her adult life, she had a professional type job and must have been able to hold it together then. She has several certificates of achievement for completing training courses, framed and hanging on a wall in her small apartment from a job she once had, apparently for quite some time.

I'm fairly sure the first step to helping her would be getting her to a psychiatrist or psychologist, but I'm really not sure how to approach her about it, or if I even should. If I do approach her, are there any decent options for indigents that I could try steer her toward? If there's not, I could afford to get her in to see someone.

I'm not sure it's even my place to try, but it seems someone has to, and she has nobody else.

Any thoughts you might have would be greatly appreciated!

Maybe she doesnt realize that she has a problem? Could that be the case? Im in my 30's also but I realized soon after my problems set in that something was very wrong!! I too have had good jobs, Ive been to college, although I never graduated because I still dont know what I want to be when I grow up, lol. Nothing keeps my interest long enough. Its like I ride my new fascination to a peak, and then it slowly dives down the slope. I am also working a job that I really shouldnt be, but for now, I really do like it. I know that I have the brains to do more, but I still dont know what it is.

Maybe you were destined to enter her life to help her... if you were interested before, maybe you can lead her to recovery and things can still blossom romantically for the two of you. If not, it may grow to be a specially bonded friendship. We all need someone...

Post edited by: sheilabeila, at: 01/01/2008 04:30

OMG, you are a saint! I have a platonic male friend that listens to me like that. He makes suggestions in order to help me or guide me, if you will, sometimes I listen, sometimes I feel that I cant. I know he's right, but it's so hard being me that I dont feel like I can deal with his solutions, as simple as they may be. However, I do appreciate his input.

Maybe she doesnt realize that she has a problem? Could that be the case? Im in my 30's also but I realized soon after my problems set in that something was very wrong!! I too have had good jobs, Ive been to college, although I never graduated because I still dont know what I want to be when I grow up, lol. Nothing keeps my interest long enough. Its like I ride my new fascination to a peak, and then it slowly dives down the slope. I am also working a job that I really shouldnt be, but for now, I really do like it. I know that I have the brains to do more, but I still dont know what it is.

Maybe you were destined to enter her life to help her... if you were interested before, maybe you can lead her to recovery and things can still blossom romantically for the two of you. If not, it may grow to be a specially bonded friendship. We all need someone...<br><br>Post edited by: sheilabeila, at: 01/01/2008 04:30

She definitely knows she has a problem. She's always talking about people she should stay away from. For example, not even five minutes ago she called and told me she used to do some cleaning for someone in her small apartment complex, but the person next to him is a heroin addict, and she "doesn't need that in her life" so she doesn't want to clean for him anymore. She has mentioned from time to time that a "counselor" had told her to avoid bad influences. That sounds like a good thing, and it's probably kept her out of trouble to some extent, but it seems she's a bit extreme with it.

You're probably right though in that I don't think she sees the severity of her problem. She's always talking about quick fix solutions for her financial problems. She seems fixed on that goal, but is seemingly oblivious to the fact that the reason she can't hold down a job is her uncontrolled psychological problems. I'm sure she shares a lot of the same stuff she shares with me with her boss and coworkers and that's what gets her fired.

She's similarly unaware that the quick financial fix she's currently concentrating on is a scam.

Post edited by: texasdj, at: 01/01/2008 11:07

Welcome to the group DJ, your friend is lucky to have someone in her life like you, I agree with getting her to see some one, perhaps you can steer the question around to why she got off her medications, if there is a mental health clinic near you, she can get treatment there for little to no cost..

That's awesome news. I'll have to do some research, find a clinic and work on talking her into it. She may gladly go if I agree to take care of the costs.

That is good news, hopefully if you can find a mental health clinic, they are run by the state or county, and they charge a sliding scale fee based on what you can pay, I have to go through them right now because of being out of work and no insurance, they have me signed up with patient assistance and that is how I am able to get my medication, without that help, I would be screwed, the Lamictal that I take is over 500.00 per month.

Well, bad news. We hung out most of the day today, and did discuss it a little. I didn't even suggest that she try a clinic before she told me she'd never go to see another doctor.

Apparently, one of the doctors she had seen in the past decided to hospitalize her, and she's afraid it will happen again.

Its a shame that she doesnt wasnt help...

Post edited by: sheilabeila, at: 01/02/2008 05:21

Hopefully for her sake and for yours, she wakes up and sees the light, we can't force them to get help, they have to want it, and even then it's going to be a struggle to get the right help. Would it be safe for you to introduce her to this site? maybe if she read some of the posts here she might see herself in them, and that could encourage her to get help.