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Bipolar Forums › General & Support › Don't know how I feel
02/23/2011 06:04 PM
Don't know how I feel
bpiiallen
bpiiallen  
Posts: 16444
VIP Member
I just don't know how I have been feeling lately. It is like I am walking through mud. My thougts ar obsessive and often racing, but I am not feeling manic. I don't have any energy or motivation but I am not feeling depressed. I am not in the throws of a mixed wpisode. I just feel blah I guess is the best word for it.

My meds are working and I feel good about that. Got off of one med - on my own but pdoc knows now. He wasn't thrilled but agreed to let me continue without unless I start feeling like I need it. woth the obsessive thoughts I am afraid I may, but it is so expensive and I just can't afford it. I see my tdoc tomorrow and we can hopefully come up with a plan to address the thoughts.

I went to my new group therapy tonight and it was ok. Only the second time so I feel like the "new kid" and it is a little uncomfortable. I feel like I am putting myself out the for all the world to see and that scares me, but in the long run I think it will be a good thing. At least I am out meeting people.

Rambling . . . sorry. Just rying to make sense of what is going on inside my head!!! Blink

My friends call me Dani.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."
Charlie Brown


Sometimes the strongest women
Are the ones who love beyond all faults
Cry behind closed doors
And fight battles no one knows about.
Reply

02/23/2011 06:28 PM  Top
bpjourney
bpjourney  
Posts: 484
Member
(((Dani)))

Sorry that med is so expensive for you and you're now feeling the way you are. I hope you are able to work out a plan and get back to feeling like yourself soon.

I'm so happy for you that you've found a group therapy to go to and that you've gone back to a second meeting, even though it's a bit uncomfortable. I can imagine that it would be at first, but like you said... in the long run it will be a good thing! That's so wonderful you are doing that for yourself!

Anna

You don't get over it, you just get through it. You don't get by it because you cant get around it. It doesn't get better, it just gets different.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Diagnosed Bipolar I Jan. 2007

Alcohol Free since February 2010

Meds:
Oxcarbazepin (Trileptal) 1500mg
Lamotrigine (Lamictal) 200mg
Topiramate (Topamax) 125mg
Trazodone 50-100mg PRN
Alprazolam (Xanax) 2mg daily / 0.5 4xday


Please note that I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist. My opinions are personal only.

02/23/2011 06:31 PM  Top
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 15704
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate
Not knowing how you feel really is the pits. Watch out for those obsessive thoughts though. It's good that your medications are working good for you. Like you said, you might need to go back on that one because of the obsessive thoughts. I know what you mean about expensive. Why must they make them so expensive when we require them so much? We can barely afford them. I'm glad you are going to a group therapy. You will get out of the new kid on the block status soon and fit right in. I think it's a very good thing you are going. You are right, at least you are out meeting people. Good for you!!
Joy, 37 years old

Blog:

http://www.joylepley.blogspot.com

Email:

simplyjoyful75@gmail.com

Bipolar type 2 and ADD

300mg Wellbutrin
200mg Lamictal
40mg Viibryd
15mg Abilify

I AM NEITHER A PSYCHIATRIST OR PSYCHOLOGIST. I AM HERE FOR THE SAME REASONS YOU ARE. TO GIVE AND RECEIVE SUPPORT. WHAT I SAY IS PURELY MY OPINION. PLEASE CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR FOR MEDICAL ADVICE.

Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It’s a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life. – Carrie Fisher

02/23/2011 07:05 PM  Top
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42369
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate
Blah is a hard place to be, really. You're neither depressed or manic, you're not feeling bad, but you're not feeling great. You're just blah, and I am sorry you are caught in that spot. It's hard when money is so tight that you really feel you can't afford a medication you probably need. I am sorry you're facing that. I hope you and your therapist are able to come up with a way of dealing with the racing thoughts. I think it's great that you are taking part in group therapy now! I'm sure it is uncomfortable for the time being, but in the long run it will get easier for you and it will benefit you. I was in group therapy some years back and I got a lot out of it. I hope you will, too.
With God, all things are possible

My blog:

http://uppitywomantwo.blogspot.com

Bipolar I

10mg Abilify--400mg Lamictal-90mg Cymbalta--25mg Ambien CR--200mg Topomax--30mg Temazapam--1mg Ativan as needed.


Please note that I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist. My opinions are personal only. This site is not intended to be a substitution for professional care, nor is anyone here qualified to make diagnoses.

Previous discussions I participated in:
losing the internet
Hurt again
Depresed

02/25/2011 06:34 PM  Top
bpiiallen
bpiiallen  
Posts: 16444
VIP Member
Feeling better today. Went to group on Wednesday and I am glad I went. Saw tdoc on Thursday and pdoc was there. I was able to talk to him about the meds and he changed it to a generic for me so it doesn't cost as much. I am on Celexa now so I guess it is wait and see how it works. At least I don't have the added stress of coming up with 50.00. Now it is just 9.00! YAY!!!

Tdoc and I came up with a script that I can practice - self-talk - when the thoughts are racing and obsessive to help calm me down. I am trying to practice it when I am doing good, like now, so that when the thoughts intrude I amy be ready to talk myself down some. All in all things went well for me and I am feeling better!!!

Thanks for taking the time to respond. Smile It means a lot!!

My friends call me Dani.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."
Charlie Brown


Sometimes the strongest women
Are the ones who love beyond all faults
Cry behind closed doors
And fight battles no one knows about.

02/25/2011 08:49 PM  Top
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 15704
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate
I'm so happy that you are feeling better today. I'm really glad that your doctor put you on a cheaper medication. That is a relief for you. Self talk is a good idea. That's great that you are practicing this for when the thoughts intrude. It sounds like you are on the right track!!
Joy, 37 years old

Blog:

http://www.joylepley.blogspot.com

Email:

simplyjoyful75@gmail.com

Bipolar type 2 and ADD

300mg Wellbutrin
200mg Lamictal
40mg Viibryd
15mg Abilify

I AM NEITHER A PSYCHIATRIST OR PSYCHOLOGIST. I AM HERE FOR THE SAME REASONS YOU ARE. TO GIVE AND RECEIVE SUPPORT. WHAT I SAY IS PURELY MY OPINION. PLEASE CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR FOR MEDICAL ADVICE.

Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It’s a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life. – Carrie Fisher
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