Is Lying really a Sign of Untreated Bipolar Dis.?

I think sometimes he really didn't know he was lying--like he created this alternative reality where he and I were together and planning a future, and then he had his other reality with his actual SO. She had to deal with being left and cheated on (and he still hasn't gone back fully to her) and I was promised this wonderful future and got cheated when it never happened.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? I am finding it so hard to reconcile the honestly good guy I knew and the lies and horrible situation he created. It baffles me--true, he is off meds entirely--but he's never that mean or rude, just unavailable when he doesn't want to be available (1 week on, 1 week off type deal).

They promise you the moon, and give you eternal darkness.. You deserve better than this leftover crap he is dealing you.. you deserve someone who is going to love you for you, and spend their time with you, without this having a SO somewhere else, do yourself a favor and get out of this, before you get hurt any worse.

Carmen

Usually the lies do have something to do with something(s) he has done when he is in a cycle. Like cleaning out our bank acct of a few thousand dollars (twice) in a few years. When I asked him what he did with all that money, he said, "I don't know." , or "I forget." obvious lies, and the reason for sep. bank accts. He also lies about stupid little things, and when I ask him why he lies to me, he always says he doesn't know. He says he knows he shouldn't do it, but does anyway. He says he doesn't think about it at the time.

Lying is never healthy and definitely something people with bipolar do. That is not to say that all habitual liars have bipolar either. Sometimes regular people do terrible things. Other times there could be another problem besides bipolar. Nobody really knows for sure. Doctors don't always diagnose accurately the first time either. Bipolar is a scary thing. It broke up my family and took from me the man that was my husband for 14 years and my best friend for 21 years. Yes, cheating was involved, but it was different than what you described. Hypersexuality comes with the mania. When they go off of the meds or even sometimes while they are on meds it happens. No matter how much they get it just isn't enough. My husband supplemented his sex with me (which was frequent) with pornography on the internet. Then when that wasn't enough he moved to having sex with a woman he met while working at the local YMCA. In this case it wasn't lying directly, it was lying by omission. He admitted it when confronted and decided that he liked it and didn't want to stop. That is where we are now. I am no longer sleeping with him and hurt daily thinking of him being with somebody else or several somebody elses. But there is nothing that I can do about it but cut myself off from him. That is bipolar.

I know. It felt like he cheated on me when he went back to his SO and that is when things mostly ended and we just sort of continued on being 'friends.'

I appreciate this discussion and your feedback, because I want to call him out on the bad behavior but don't want to blame him for something his BPD could be responsible for. But then again, he started getting hypomanic and thought he no longer needed meds and wanted to control his own behavior with will-power, so I guess he's responsible for all the behavior.

Then when off the meds he became totally manic. The last time I spoke with him he sounded like he was manic but about to begin coming down, and now he's gone and will remain gone for 8-13 months maybe (where I don't know, he wouldn't admit exactly what he did) because he's essentially in trouble. He said he was getting treatment and I do hope he is.

Because I cannot speak with him regarding this right now, I am doing my best to piece apart what was bad, lying, cheating behavior and what was the cause of the illness. The problem is that I want to believe he is as good as I originally thought--but while bipolar disorder has similar type symptoms from person to person, the type of person underneath the disorder is radically different from person to person. Some are fabulous, some good, some okay, some lying, cheating bastards.

I want to be fair but I don't want to be a doormat either. Eventually I will send him a letter telling him how I feel, but not until I am more settled in my heart and mind.

Thanks again. I truly apreciate this forum and the special people who are all apart of it. What a Godsend to have found it!

Life varies from person to person, our actions, reactions, thoughts and finger prints.. I know that you want him to be as good as you thought that he was at the beginning, and he probably is deep down inside, but with him unwilling to help himself, there is nothing that you can do to help him..

Ask yourself this, what would you advise a friend to do if they were in your situation?

Carmen

You're exactly right. I am trying so hard to be accepting of an illness that I am only just beginning to understand, and instead, I am essentially giving him a free pass to behave badly, treat me badly, and hurt me while I say nothing. This is enabling! yeesh...

AND--by continually enabling him I am basically encouraging him to behave however he wants without any thought on his part (b/c no one is going to call him out anyway) and this is indirectly reinforcing the stereotype of the "crazy" or "bady behaved" person afflicted with bipolar.

I do believe some of his behavior he cannot help, but I am keeping a journal now and if/when we speak again, I am going to have a frank talk with him for my own piece of mind.