I'm so sorry about your situation! Are there any groups (MDDA) that could help fill the void? I was in a similar situation once and found myself spending 2/3rds of the session recounting what had happened since the last time I'd seen her! To cut down on this, is there any way you could maintain a weekly email relationship? I express myself so much better in writing sometimes, it helps me straighten out my head, and my therapist welcomes questions, comments, etc. (not books of course) about once a week. Maybe your therapist could allow for this? Can't hurt to ask . . . One thing you said really struck a chord in me: as I put it, "well then I'll just let go and allow myself to go crazy and wind up in an institution!". Yeah, I totally get that. I feel that way from time to time. My friend recently spent about 3 months in and out of the hospital diagnosed with either schizo-affective or schizophrenia (and alcoholism), and she keeps in touch with people who have gone on to "institutions". One "friend" with schizophrenia is in a decrepid place where there are free-roaming mice everywhere. He kicked one and it died (nice "friend") -- I remind myself that this is the reality of institutions. On the other hand, I am so aware of the tight grip I have on myself to stay sane. It's one day at a time! So I'd recommend the emailing and groups, if they exist in your area (or you could start one at a hospital, when you've got the energy. So sorry to hear of your circumstances. Take care! Z "I'm going to quit -- dried turkey." - Anonymous
"I forgot my mantra." - Annie Hall
"Knocked me on the head and sent me spinning
It was a blast I can't remember the last time
Stand between two poles and hold your arms up
I'll kick me over your head and stock down . . . " - Throwing Muses
Female, age 37
Bipolar I (mild)
Episodes / cycling happen most often during Spring and Fall allergy season; some dissociation possible during episodes.
GAD dx 12/11, PTSD traits, ED (in recovery)
Boarding school survivor :)
PSYCH:
Adderall 15 mg x 2 Prozac 40 mg Ativan 1.5 mg Geodon 120 mg Starting Lithium again
(Levothyroxine 50 mcg Atenolol 12.5 mg x 2 Clonidine 0.1 mg x 3).
ALLERGY / ASTHMA -- (Winter / Spring cocktail): Levocetirizine Alvesco HFA 160 mcg Ketotifen Fumarate PRN • Flovent ProAir PRN
Mercy Buckets to everyone!!! |
