Bipolar Support Group

I actually say 'friend' loosely. I tend not to really consider people to be friends until I've known them for a long time and actually have some trust built up. I don't have that with her.

I really like her but a) I find her children obnoxious because she hasn't taught them any discipline and they constantly seek attention; b) she seems to think that whatever I have is hers to borrow, which annoys me; c) I feel like she's vague on things that are important, and vagueness tends to make me anxious.

The problem is I had to ask her for some favors and while she's been great I hate feeling like I owe someone. I tend to be a planner and she's more of a seat of the pants kind of person, which makes me feel distrustful. It also makes me want to keep my distance. Mostly I want this friendship because of business, not because she warms my heart in any kind of way (yeah, I'll admit to being selfish). Things like being late (by hours) makes me wiggy, which is why since I noticed that was a pattern of hers, when I asked her if she could help me pick something up, I was really insistent on hearing from her first thing in the morning. When I didn't hear from her I freaked out, because I know she can be hours late and I had to go to work that morning. As it was, she ran late, but not so much that I was made late for work. The kicker was that we stopped so that she could get something to eat for her kids, who were in the car with us, while I was worried about making my train, and then she wanted to drop me at another train station where I would have been late for work for sure. I was pretty upset about the whole thing, and I think she's upset with me.

I'm not sure what to do about this. She says she wants to talk in February so we can clear the air (her words, not mine- I'd rather just ignore it and never trust her again to pick me up if its anything important), But I fel that she's controlling the whole situation- for instance, she's been ignoring my attempts to contact her.

Seeing as how I'm finally coming out of a serious depression and have always hada hard time parsing human nature anyway, I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions?

This individual has shown you in so many ways that she has no appreciation for you, for your life, or for your time. She has no reason to change the way she treats you because you have not been honest with her re: your growing resentment towards her and that you are harmed by her actions and want them to stop.

By the time you meet up in February, I think it's really important for you to be able to express your true feelings to her (this may be easier now that you're not so depressed?). You may need to deliver a couple key ultimatums. I know how easy it is to degrade yourself by hanging out with an ugly-spirited person while depressed, but as things are looking up it may be time to figure out (firmly) what you are and are not willing to put up with, to put yourself through. This whole time while hanging out with her you could have been forging more fruitful relationships.

Hope this helps. Keep us posted!

Z

Z

I have another friend who is late all the time. His other friends and I joke about it. However, he tends to be firm about dates, and when I don't hear from him I know something is wrong. He doesn't make me feel like I should have to sit and wait on him and he's forthright in his feelings, and he's positive towards me and my accomplishments. This woman occasionally says things that are put-downs and I don't like it. Something tells me not to be forthright with this woman and I'm listening to my instincts. I can be 'friends' with her up to a certain point, but not in a soulfully meaning way.

Do what you need to do for you so tell them you are not interested in their help,

they may get angry or guilt trip you and leave then you are one less abusive person.

I have been doing an on going post on telling people what I need, I make it so hard on myself.