Bipolar Support Group

OK....some people have said just to leave. I understand the thinking behind that statement, for my safety and welfare, but I can not understand why I would have to be the one to leave our home. He hates this place and everything it stands for, stability, security, responsibility, safety, family. If I leave, with his state of mind at the moment, and him thinking I am to blame for all of our troubles, then he wouldn't hesitate to get me on abandonment, and then I would be homeless. He has admitted to me that he has been using me all along, so to me that makes our whole life a lie. I am not going to just throw my hands up and walk away from my home and let him completely get away with this con game he has played on me. I am not willing to be homeless just because he has an undiagnosed illness.

Any thoughts ?

I think if he is causing problems, he needs to be the one to leave. Especially if there are children involved. I spent the last few years always being the one to leave when he was being abusive. This last time, I decided it was not right for me and my girls to be disrupted everytime when he is the one who is causing the disruption. I guess what stopped me everytime was the fact that he had no family here and his friends were not in a position to take him in. Like I was saying, this last time it was different. He ended up spending a night in jail for dv. Then I gave him a week to move out and I really didn't care where, just that he needed to take responsibility for himself and figure it out. Well, he did figure it out and although it wasn't the optimum place to live, he found a temporary place to be while he figured out how to get himself stable. I also gave him a list of things he would need to do to come back home, which he was able to do in about 5 weeks. He really has a new attitude now and has decided that his wife and family are the most important things in his life and he will do what it takes to take care of his mental health so he can stay here with us.

So what I'm saying is give him a few days to figure out where he's going, but he should be the one to go. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the only thing that will make things change for the better. Good luck with your situation. Keep posting.

The more you talk about him the more I think you really need to just leave him. He admitted to "just using you"? I am sorry to hear that thats terrible. I mentioned you should leave but I only meant to give him a couple of days to get out. By no means should you leave your house in your situation he should be the one to go. You are in an abusive realtionship so if you leave for a few days no way will abandonment come into play. I wish you luck be safe.

If it were me, I would leave. I would leave my home to get away from an abusive situation. I find it hard to believe that he would actually listen to you and leave his home. But if you can persuade him to go- then so be it. I just don't see it happening.

I have alot to think about. I just don't think it is fair to put all of this onto my family. If I leave, for now it would be out of state. I have went there many times, while we had problems, to clear my head, and see if he'd do any better. I would come home to a house that looked like a tornado ripped through it. I'm not sure if that is just meanness, or if that is a sign of illness, but he is not rational. I'm not saying our home is worth me losing my mind over, and continuing to fight a losing battle, but neither am I willing to just walk away and have him trash everything either. Things that I can not replace are all in my home. All I can say is I am getting legal advice, so please don't think I am just sitting here with no action. He is sleeping in another room now, and that works out better, because we hardly see each other. No outbursts. I will let you know how this issue turns out. Thank you all for your continued concern. It is giving me the strength to move forward, and make my life better. I really appreciate all of you being here for me. YOU are priceless !!!

You need to get him out of there. Call the police and have him arrested. He can stay in the county jail until he finds somewhere to go. Sorry, I just have no patience for people who abuse - I used to be one. Don't take his crap, not even for the children.

Are you both on the deed to the house or is it just you? If it is just you you can have the police remove him from the premises.

If not then you need to seek the counsel of an attorney so that you can retain your half of the equity in your home and investments if any! IMO you need to talk to an attorney just to see what your legal options are. You don't have to file for divorce just get a feel for the worst case senario. You need to protect yourself! I was in a very abusive marriage and it took me 6 months to save enough money and make legal arrangements before I actually filed for divorce. It's called being pro-active.

It never hurts to ask so call any attorney today. I'm thinking it will not be as complicated as you seem to think. Good luck to you!!!

I don't know much about this situation, but my husband is a pastor, and if he knows of anyone in danger, it is his responsibility to report it to the police. My ex was arrested for abuse and spent the night in jail. I think this gave me great leverage in gaining custody of our daughter. You may want to talk to a counselor or pastor if you don't want to be the one to involve the police. I know it sounds drastic- just a suggestion if you or your children are in danger.

I agree with you, you should not have to lose your home, but you should also not continue to put yourself in harm's way. I hope that you are able to get him to leave if that is what you want, either way I wish you the very best in this difficult situation.

I've read some of your posts...... I don't remember all of them. I think I remember most of your story.

This is my opinion and what I know from my experience.

1. Anyone with any problem (drugs, alcohol, mental..anything) isn't going to get help unless they want the help. Unless they are an immediate threat to themselves or someone else, there is really nothing you can do to force them to get help. BUT since you are married, it might not hurt to call your local mental hospital and see what your options are. Find out what the circumstances have to be for you to have your husband admitted to the hospital. If things are that bad and that is something you can do, that may be something you might want to look into. So, I would definitely call and find out the info on that! Don't ask around on the internet - CALL and get the info firsthand, right from the source.

2. If he's abusive - he's abusive. That may or may not be because of bipolar. He has not technically been diagnosed as having bipolar yet. There are many abusive people in this world (both men and women). If every single one of them is bipolar - well, then there's a lot of us out there not getting the help we need! Abusive does not mean bipolar. Personally, having already been in 1 abusive relationship in the past, I would never allow that again. Not physically. Not verbally. Not mentally. If that means packing me and my kids bags and leaving our home - then so be it! There are plenty of other houses or apartments out there that can be made into a home!

If I was in your shoes - I would have already been gone. Talk to a divorce lawyer. There are certain circumstances for "abandonment". Such as NO CONTACT. As long as there is contact - it is NOT considered abandonment. The fact that its abusive - you are leaving for your safety. Again, not abandonment. Probate law is not all clean-cut. It isn't "if I do "this", then its "this" because I did "this". A lot of things are taken into consideration. Most lawyers do free consults. And you can go in and just explain the circumstances and ask what will happen if you leave.

I think you need to think about yourself (and kids? I think I saw in a post that you have kids) first. Your safety needs to be number one priority over hubby's health, in my opinion. Anything less and its just selfish.