Bipolar Support Group

i am still getting outpatient shock treatments.. i HATE HATE HATE them. eventually they help, but i just relapse. i have stopped taking my pristiq, cause i don't think it does shit anyway and my mother keeps harping about "don't some of these antidepressants cause suicidal thoughts?" i am staying with my mother and father now, by the way. it really sucks but i can barely take care of myself, much less put up with my boyfriend and take care of the kids and every time i try to work i freak out and end up in the hospital. i am at the end of my rope here. the s**cidal thoughts are constantly there. i crave drugs constantly just to have some altered state of mind to distract from the misery. i am eating ativan and klonopin like candy. i have prayed so much for help for my children's sake. i feel god has forsaken me. i am completely broke and so is my mind and i just don'tknow what to do anymore. the hospital doesn't help... nothing does. i don't know how much longer i can go on like this... if i didn't have my children i would be long gone by now, but i just can't do that to them. every moment is like torture.... what can i do?

You are in so much pain and my heart goes out to you. I have been where you are, completely hopeless and my son being the only reason why I stayed around. To live like that is too much to bear, I know. I did get help in the form of medication and I keep wondering if your pdoc has tried everything yet because there are quite a few medications meds for depression. I know it feels like God has forsaken you, but I don't believe He has and I am going to pray for you daily. I promise, I am not just saying that. I know you feel there is nothing else that can be done, and there is no hope, but there is always something that can happen. I truly believe that we do not stay in the same place forever and something will be found to help you. You can also apply for disability because you are unable to work anymore. Please keep talking to us because you know we care about you so much. These words may not be as comforting as I hope they will be, but they are what I can offer to you. I hope they help some.

thank you for your words of comfort (and prayers) there is a long list of antidepressants i have tried and none have worked. i've been like this since i was 11 or 12 years old. i'm tired. i'm just so tired. my brain seems hell bent on destroying me. i am tired of fighting.

I pray that you find something that works for you. Have you tried a mood stabilizer along with an antidepressant. Once I took a mood stabilizer (Lamictal) with my antidepressant, it worked. Before that, none of the antidepressants worked for me. I'm so sorry you are feeling so hopeless. There is always hope though. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but never give up on hope. Never give up on God either. He is with you all the time. 24/7, you are never alone. I have said a prayer for you and I will be thinking of you that you will find something to take away all of this depression that you are feeling. I know how it feels to be so depressed. Keep thinking of your children and how much they need you. You are all they have. I'm glad you have your parents to help you. If I were you, I would file for disability since you are unable to work. That would be the best bet and you really need it. I hope that in time you find something. There are so many medications out there nowadays that there has to be something that will work for you. I hope it's not your psychiatrist and he isn't trying everything he can. I really hope he genuinely is trying for you. Try to look to the positives in life no matter how hard it is. You have your children and that is the biggest positive there is. We will be here for you, vent all you want and know that we'll always listen to you. Positive thoughts coming your way.

I am so sorry you are in this pain. It sucks. And I believe that things will get better, even if you don't feel that way or think that way. It is hell, I know. I think that filing for disability is something you could consider..

But I am sending some positive thoughts and prayers your way my friend.

thanks, joy and others.. i have tried lithium, depakote and lamictal, different antidepressants and anti-psychotics in differing combinations but have not found that right cocktail (yet) i will try to hang in there.

i know this is probably a stupid question...but could your other parts be working right? i'm constantly in a state of depressions (except when i'm getting manic of course) and no med seems to help. in my case though i'm about 90% sure my thyroid isn't working right, or my body isn't using the chemicals it makes right. there are other things that could you med resistant. it's sounds like you've been trying so hard i just feel like there must be something else going on. keep hangin in there for those kids. mine have gotten me through hell too. and i HATE when my family comments on my meds! i know mine hasn't put in the time or effort to understand my illness and so i don't believe they have the right to comment on my treatment. maybe you can talk to them, or have your tdoc help you talk to your mom or something, to let them know that it's really counter-productive to have them questioning your medication in that manner. i've gone off my meds several times because my husband has made comments about how he doesn't like me as well since i started taking meds. i hope you can get some relief soon.

thanks for your reply. my thyroid is low, but i'm on medication for that. i just don't know what to do.... i'm at the end of my rope, literally i don't currently have a tdoc and i'm travelling 2 hours away for my ects and to see my pdoc. it just all seems so hopeless. god help me

help me help me help me i want out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm here if you want to talk.