Bipolar Support Group

Hello.. You guys have really made a huge difference in my life by helping me to understand what my boyfriend is going through. I appreciate it. Now==

I have made contact with him and have seen him a couple of times. I feel that he is depressed, although yesterday he was trying to act "normal." We dont kiss, or touch eachother. I am very controlled as to what i say and how i act. I am in love with this man and CANNOT AND WILL NOT walk away without giving it my all. The problem i have is with the emotional abandonment. I dont know how to deal with that issue. I am not strong enough. Eventhough we have made contact, he is not calling me all day like he used to. Its going slowly. Is this normal? When i asked him if he wants to hang out longer. He told me that he is going home and he sleeps a lot. He wasnt jumping at the idea of hanging out with me watching a movie so i left it alone. I dont understand this so please help me. This is my first episode with him, i am new to this illness, and i am doing my best to learn as much as quickly as possible so i can reach a point where he is comfortable with me to discuss this issue and what WE are going to do about it in order for us to stay together.

Before, the crap hit the fan, he wanted to be with me all the time. So, in an episode, what changes? I am happy to at least be in contact..but how long does this platonic distant thing last?

Each person is different in how the handle and react to an episode, none of us are exactly like him and cannot tell you exactly how he feels. That said I want to tell you that from my own personal experience it is normal to push those closest to me away during my episodes. Mainly because I don't want them to suffer from what I am going through. Each episode is different and differs in the length of time it lasts. I wish you the very best and hope that you are able to resolve things soon.

Honey, I know how you feel. I have fears of abandoment and it is one of the diagnosing symptom of bpd. It sounds like you may suffer from overwhelming emotions like I do. It is important to self soothe yourself when you feel abandoned. Try to doing little things that soothe you. Here are a few things I do when I feel abandoned:

I take a hot bath

I drink hot chocolate

I smell fragrance cards

I rub lotion on my body

Try doing these small things to help soothe your overwhelming emotions. It is also important that you build a strong support system for you so your feelings can be validated when you feel these overwhelming emotions.

((((( njgrlinfi )))))

You may be in for more of the same if he doesn't want to get better. What he's been doing to your peace of mind can't be healthy for you. I have isolated while depressed, even while medicated. Do you think you might be obsessing about this guy who isn't trying to get better and doesn't treat you right?

You deserve better than what you're getting from him and the thought of him having a history of domestic violence and apparently a drinking problem worries me.

I have had periods in the past where I obsessed about a woman who wasn't giving me the attention that she gave in the beginning. My therapist told me that I was trying to deal with all my past rejections by hoping she would come around and treat me the way I wanted. That would let me feel worthwhile and lovable in my own mind, if she would only love me like I 'loved' her.

I'd say he needs to show you that he cares about you and wants you to be happy and well. I'm sorry he's not treating you right.

Jim

Amanda, April and Jim--

Thank You for your responses. Since this is the first experience of my life dealing with this illness, as well as the first episode, i am just all over the place. Feedback from wonderful people like you is helping me get a perspective. The thing is that of course, the easiest solution would be to run like a jackrabbit and not look back. But, i am not that kind of person. When i care, its real. I see a person suffering and i dont want to walk, JUST YET WITHOUT TRYING. At some point, if he doesnt want to get better, and keeps abondonimg me, i will have to leave this. I am an emotional disaster, because i cannot deal with being shut out from nowhere, like this. I am not emotionally strong enough to deal with unmedicated issues.

Yes, i think i am co dependent..but i didnt seek out a person with issues. It got thrown into my face when the episode began. Now, he is coming around slowly. I am waiting for him to get out of this funk, before i open the can of worms.

Its quite frustrating for me because in addition to all the issues, he went out drinking last nite with his motorcycle buddies like an ass. He has slowed down the drinking a lot mainly because he has been so damn depressed to do anything. All he has been doing is sleeping, crying, and hiding out. I have been patiently waiting for this nightmare episode to be over, so i can open the can of worms about seeing a doctor and getting some sort of treatment going. I am trying to show him that no matter how he has behaved with me, i am not running and am waiting for him. Meanwhile, the minute he feels a little better, he goes out last nite for Wed Bike Nite and drinks like an idiot. He should be cuddling and having sex with me instead... What is wrong with this situation?

((((njgrlinfl)))) I feel for you, but he obviously doesn't want to get help for himself right now and unfortunately there's nothing you can do to make him get help. I hope that you are able to find the help that you need and want, right now you should focus on taking care of yourself and your children. I know this is hard to do when you love him so much but it's all you have control over right now. I wish you the very best!