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11/08/2008 08:02 PM

HOW aBOUT WAYWARD ADULT CHILDREN?

moncheri
moncheri  
Posts: 16
Member

Bonjour! It's moi Mon cheri and I am not in a good place. I just had to cancel yet another credit card that my 25yr old bipolar daughter had conviscated and ran up to the max. She called me 3 times tonite threatening suicide until I called the cops--She has been drinking and I was scared to death. This is one of her little games to keep me under control. What am I going to do!!!! Help!!! S'il vous plait!!! [img] Sad W00t
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11/08/2008 08:19 PM
red1965
red1965  
Posts: 5627
VIP Member

Moncheri, we have a prodigal son ourselves. He is 23, sometimes we just have to leave them to their own devises. The world is a hard teacher but somtimes the only one that can get through to them.

It is hard... very hard.

GOD BLESS

RED


11/08/2008 08:28 PM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

gosh...that is stealing. Even if it is yuour daughter. She needs some serious help. Must be hard for you, Mona.

Threatening suicide needs to result in her going to the hospital til she is no longer a danger to herself. Let us know how it goes...

Might need some tough love here, honey. Call the credit card company and have any credit cards that she could have access to...closed. Time for damage control...


11/08/2008 08:42 PM
red1965
red1965  
Posts: 5627
VIP Member

I know it is hard Moncheri but if the cards are in your name and you have not authourized her to use them that is fraud, file a police report and have the card turned off IMMEDIATELY! If the card is hers and in her name, she is an adult, you are no longer responsible for her financially... let her deal with them, she caused it she will have to fix it.

YOu already know she is manipulating you, just keep your guard up.


11/08/2008 09:17 PM
moncheri
moncheri  
Posts: 16
Member

Kelly,my daughter, just called me and told me she is going to take me down and take me to court and have me instituttionalized because I called the police tonite to check on her to make sure she hadn't killed herself as she had previously threatened. She says she's going to lie to anyone who will listen to her and get me kicked out of HUD and make me lose my SSI and watch me suffer! I am heartbroken! What kind of monster have I created? She still sounded drunk but sincere in her plans--I'm really getting worried. Mon cheri

11/08/2008 09:24 PM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

First of all she is drunk. Second she is cruel. And third the only power she has over you is the fear that you give her. She is abusive. The way to deal with an abusive bully is to know they have no power over you and let them know that you know it. Kelly sounds like she is need of professional help. I hope she gets it.

11/08/2008 09:41 PM
moncheri
moncheri  
Posts: 16
Member

Thanks Norma for your concern. It's just so hard and sad to think that she could be so cruel and mean to me after all the scrapes I have pulled her through. My son has disowned her and wants me to also but she's my child and I love her dearly. I blame myself for her shortcomings. I'm Bipolar/ADD but I don't behave in that way and she was once involved with a group of bad kids and drugs which tainted her views on life-she weighs nearly300lbs. and doesn't seem to care what she looks like or cares for the apt and such. She's a cutter and burns her arms and legs. My heart goes out to her. She's been hospitalized several times but she just is so bitter and mean about life itself and holds all her grudges against me.

11/08/2008 10:49 PM
Macrina
MacrinaPosts: 245
Member

Wow; that's quite a heavy load to be carrying early in life.

What other people does she have in her life besides you? Does she have any friends who are good to her? Any other people like a relative, community or church friend, therapist, doctor or teacher who she likes?

My two cents is that she desperately needs help but you are not going to be the one who's going to be able to give it to her. I have a 22yo step-daughter. At this age, it's really important for them to find their way. There's a reason they get really mad at us when we're trying to help; the process kind of thwarts the huge developmental milestone they need to achieve at this age.

I think the best thing you could do is try and orchestrate some good connections for her then lay down some SERIOUS boundaries. I don't know about "disowning" – that sounds awfully permanent. But if it were me, I'd probably file the police report on the credit card. It is outright stealing and legally, she could be held accountable for that bill. MIght do her a world of good.


11/08/2008 10:50 PM
Macrina
MacrinaPosts: 245
Member

So we can assume she's not taking her meds, right?

And has she been hospitalized yet? Has it helped?


11/09/2008 05:19 AM
debiski
debiski  
Posts: 5493
VIP Member

I have a 25 yo daughter who went through several years of defiant behavior with me. She stole things from me like cigarettes (back when I smoked), money, prescription drugs. She ran away from home, got arrested once, got two DUI's and went through tons of men (I believe she suffers from histrionic personality disorder). Eventually I stopped helping her and she got the picture.

Thankfully, she straightened up and is a good, hard-working mother to my granddaughter. I know my story pales in comparison to yours, but I thought I might give you some hope that someday your daughter will come to her senses and go for the straight and narrow path.

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