I guess I should give the whole story, as much as I can without rambling too much.
Both my boyfriend (recent ex) and myself are in our early 20s. He was diagnosed with bipolar disoder when he was 12 and has been on medication. Lithium is the onlyl thing I'm sure he's taking, but I know he's taking other meds.
We were friend for 3 years and started dating this past march. Every thing was fine from March til late June. In late June we broke up and got back together a week later. We continued this on and off cycle until early September. When we broke up then, it was for 10 weeks, in which he gained a long distance relationship with a girl he had never met.
In late Oct. he told me he wanted to be with me, and a few weeks later he called me and wanted to start a friends with benefits situation. A week after that, he calls wanting to get back together.
We were together this time for a few weeks.
The day we broke up he said that the fact that I loved him so much scared him b/c no one had love him like that besides his parents. He also said that he didn't know if he loved me b/c he wasn't entirely sure what love was and needed time to find out. He said he was also afraid of commitment and liked change. (he moved several times growing up, including once a year for six years).
At first he was saying that we weren't growing up he just wanted to be sure that he loved me and needed some time to figure that out.
Minutes later he was saying that we were breaking up.
He said he wanted to remain friends and that he has missed that part of our relationship.
He told me that he wasn't worth crying over and that he couldn't understand why I didn't hate after all the pain he's put me through.
He also says that theres something in the back of his head that makes him run away from me and that this relationship is bad. I don't think his parents are much help either. He say they are dissapointed that he keeps coming back to me and his mom has told him that he can "do better" than me.
One minute he says he loves me and the next we're breaking up.
I love him very much.
I just don't understand why he keeps running away from me and then coming back. Am I doing something wrong? Is there anything I can do to get him back and keep him?
That's one charachteristic of bipolar. Your story sounds very familiar to me. My advice would be to give him space and don't try in any way to force him. You can make your love for him known without making him feel forced to make any definite choices.
I've been through the same thing. Everytime it's scarey because you are not sure if he'll come back. I've seen however that sine the last time we got back together up until this time we were together longer and now we are married. Between the diagnosis, which helped me understand more that it isn't all my fault, and a better understanding helped us stay together longer this time. Since he walked out in January I've been educating myself more, teaching myself to be calm...I practice on the road with road rage and with the people in my life, go on here for support and family and friends meetings through NAMI...which I highly suggest to look up in your area, and reading the book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder. I truely hope that he will come back again so that we can work through this together as husband and wife! I love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him as my husband and me as his wife!
Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.