Bipolar Support Group

My husband has an appt. this afternoon with the same psych doc I am seeing (This will be his second appt. with her. On his first visit with her he told her he was depressed and that is all he discussed with her. Since then I have been able to tell her things about him and his behavior. After my last appt. with her she told me to tell him she wanted to see him again.

I relayed this to him after expressing that I felt there was much more going on with him than depression. I reminded him of an email he received from our son telling him he can go from being the nicest guy in the world to satan himself within a minute. Of his alcohol abuse for many years (sober by choice for 2 months now - but has gone upto 2 years in the past). I also told him that if he did not 'get honest' with himself and the doctor that I would no longer be able to stay with him. I told him I could not get better while living with him if he did not get better himself.

I guess I just needed to write this out hoping for a reality check from those who read this... I am so worried that he will again pull the wool over the pdoc's eyes and I will be forced to carry through and move on without him... (chewing my nails to the quick here...)

Lustrious

OMG - He just woke up and is so angry! Telling me he wants me to go with him so I can see. See that it is all me and that he is angry at himself for everything - I am freaking out now! He bounces from everything that has gone wrong in his life from it all being my fault and now I have no idea what direction he is taking!!!!

Breathe Breathe Breathe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hang in there, and go with him, it might be a major blow out, but at least you can be there to make sure he is honest and up front with her, odds are he won't even keep the appointment, as I am sure that you know from others, blaming someone else for all their problems is standard procedure for most of us.

Putting up a prayer that you have the strength and courage to follow this through.

Hugs

Carmen

Right now my heart is racing right along side of my mind! I am not sure if he is attempting a sabotage but that is what it feels like. He will say and do whatever it takes to get me worked up and once we are there he will switch faces and I will look like an idiot because I can't calm myself down and put on a different face at the drop of a hat. I carry my feelings on my shoulder and my facial expression is a direct reflection of my mood!!!

I have not been this freaked out in a long time... I keep telling myself he is working me - playing me like a puppett and I know that is what he is doing but I can't stop him!!!

have 45 minutes until his appt. time.....

Freaking Freaking Freaking

Well - I am as down as down can be right now without being suicidal! We both went to see the psych doc. He told her I was useless, told her how he regrets having ever asked me to come back all the times I left him, and pretty much that he wishes I would leave again and if I did he damn sure would not want me back - Ouch! He also told her he does not care if what he says hurts anyone - he is just a slave. He did his best to point the finger at me (redirect) to blame me, to justify his angry behavior to the point of bringing up me calling the police on him one night telling her that I only called them because he was going to call them first. At that point I could not keep my mouth shut any longer and informed her that just months earlier he physically attacked me, destroyed my computer, chased me through the house and ripped the phone out of the wall to prevent me from calling the police! I was able to inform her of his history with alochol abuse, his burst of anger, his mood changes, and is uncontrolled anger etc... It seems to me like she was coddeling (sp) him because she would not come out and give him a diagnonis (his tone was very angry with everything he said to her). She asked him instead if he would be willing to take a mood stabilizer to help him not get as irritated and worked up over small things. He agreed and she has started him on 50mg of Lamical. That is the only thing I feel good about right now. I am still on edge and feel like I should take a valium so I can breathe and stop shaking on the inside.

Thanks Carmen for your support earlier - I was in a whirlwind and I don't think anyone could have gotten through to me. Ok - just forcing myself to sit here and type all this out and I don't feel like I need that valium now. He leaves for work in about 30 minutes and as long as I can avoid him I should be ok.

I guess I must be in the same situation, I just pray for him to just go somewhere, but when I do get up the nerve to tell him to leave he gets angry and then I have to pray that he does not get violent. It is pretty bad that we have to avoid them to stay safe.

Take the valium if you need it, I am sure that your therapist had to do what she did to just try and get him on the medication to begin with, they can't openly take sides, and by doing what she did, she didn't let him know that you have been talking with her, if you feel that you are in the slightest bit of danger, get the hell out of there, there are women's shelters that you can go too, and most of them will help you to get back on your feet with your own place.

Sometimes it makes more sense to turn your back on all the "stuff" to take care of yourself and the kids. All it is is "stuff" and it can be replaced, your peace of mind, safety and sanity are things that are near impossible to replace.

Hugs

Carmen

My ex had bursts of anger and terrible mood swings and I was forever trying to get him diagnosed with bipolar, but the more I tried the more he resisted me and blamed it all on me. He was in denial, exactly where I think your husband lives. I think it sounds like you're doing a great job getting in touch with yourself and becmong healthy, I think you should continue in that direction and not let him steal your peace. Keep up the deep breathing and try your best to let him stew in his own juices and not let his anger rile you up. Do you do anything calming like yoga or pilates or even meditating? I don't, but it sounds good! : )

Thanks Everyone. The bomb I expected him to drop did not come tonight and he actually kissed me bye when he left for work! Now I am just going to pray that he will take the lamictal (since he believes he is taking it for it's antidepressant effect). I know it takes a while to start working and hopefully within a month or two his moods, outlooks, perceptions and anger will be altered for the positve.

Just like him - able to flip that switch from excessive anger to everything is hunky dorey and what I just did did not happen.

Keeping fingers crossed and praying for the strenght and endurance to hold up for a while longer. I really do not want to have to leave him. 27 years invested in my life with him and to have, as many have said on this post, the man I fell in love with back would be the icing on the cake!

Thanks for listening and being here for me!

Lustrious