Bipolar Support Group

if you feel that you are being selfish when you lean on someone, is that a symptom of a downfall? i am feeling that right now. i feel like i don't want to lean on someone because, they may have had it harder than i do.

I understand that it's hard to ask for help. For me it feels weak to need help in anyway, but I have come to realize that everyone needs helps one way or another and that the people who love me, and who I am always willing and eager to help them in anyway I can, feel the same way towards me. So...now I ask for help, even if it's hard. You're not being selfish, you're valuing yourself enough to know when you need some help. Think of it this way, what would you tell your best friend if he/she asked the same question of you? I'm sure you would tell them that you are happy to help and that they are not being selfish. Just my thoughts on it....

I think people that love you are relieved when you ask for help,. I've found that a lot of times my friends and family don't really know what to do for me since my illness is "in my head" and not physical. For instance, they can't make me chicken noodle soup when I feel naseous from chemotherapy. Get the picture? I know my closest friends and family value the times when I ask for help because is it then that they feel they can truly do something for me, something they may not have been able to anticipate on their own. So go ahead and ask!!

I am with the others, reaching out for help is hard, we are taught to be self dependent, some of us have been brought up with the attitude that asking for help was a weakness and the way the world tends to view mental illness makes that even harder.

Like the others said, don't be afraid, don't be ashamed, asking doesn't make you weak, it actually makes you stronger because it takes a lot of courage to admit that you need support and help.

Carmen

I would have done anything to help my dad if he had only once asked for help. I would have been elated! That is all it would have taken for me to take his hand and gone through whatever we needed to do to get him better. Reaching out for help is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. Don't be fooled by your pride to be "strong" - the real strength is realizing and then asking for help.

thank you all for your advice and support.. i think i get that way, because when i was a child, all i was ever told by my mom was not to lean on anyone, because then, they can take advantage of you. i know that may sound weird, however, when i start to complain about something negative in my life, i hear her in my mind telling me that no one wants to hear about my problems and to quit trying to be in the center of attention. i was always told to keep my mouth shut about my personal affairs. i can't even lean on my own husband the way i should. i am afraid that he will leave me like everyone else that i let "in" i am very gun-shy. at night is my worst time here lately. the days are getting closer to my step-dad's 10th year annivesary of his death. he committed suicide. he talked to me and his best friend before he did it. i just wish i could have really heard what he was saying. also, i miss my mom. she is in prison for something bad that she did. i try to tell someone how i feel about missing her and they just say that "she shouldn't have abandoned you. what was she thinking???" they expect me to actually answer that question.

LIKE I KNOW!! i have no clue. i keep hearing these people telling me that no right mother would have done that to their child. my question is , how do i respond to that? i know that she is depressed as well, she lost her dad and husband in a 6 month span.. but, so did i.. i lost my grandpa and dad also, but no one seems to care about that... I HAVE TO BE STRONG FOR HER!!!! i have to put her first.. when do i get a turn!!! jih, that is all i want, i would love to have someone hold my hand and help me thru this. i feel like i am in a dark hole. i look around me, and i see happy people with eachother. i am not.... i want to lean on my husband, but, he is always to busy doing something else. i feel like he doesn't even care. he always seems to busy himself with other things...

we had a fight awhile back, and i started cutting my arms and stomach again. when he realized what i was doing, he said that he would help me get help and would support me in everything. well, i need him now, and he is no where. he knows about the annivesary and how i am not my self and instead of staying home with me and holding me, we are always at our friends and him and my best friend are up in her room, behind closed doors, studing... she and i are in school. she is studing for a vetenary assistance and i am for computer technology. i need his help as well, especially since he is MY HUSBAND!!! i can't help that her husband doesn't want to get involved. the bad thing is, i told her way before how i feel and i feel like she is doing this out of spite. i have told her husband and he said, "well, no offense, but no one can help you because you have a better... you are smarter than all of us.." ooooookkkkkkkkk.. i must be some kind of idiot. i feel like no one gives a crap about what i am doing, and once again, i feel like that child that is being told to shut up and quit being jealous. we just moved here from my home state and i really don't know anyone, yet, he loves to leave me hanging, thinking that i will be alright. i am soo lonely and if i say anything to him, then i am being clingy... i am really starting to feel like my dad when he told me and his friend "that something needed to change... " i feel awful, i am glad that there are nothing sharp around me...

i was also told not to let people in because, no one cares

well, you all told me to let it out.. so i did.... i just don't want to be put into a insame hospital. i just don't want to be alone tonight. i find myself, trying to find things to keep my mind active so i don't think about what is happenning to me. i don't want to feel this, i just want to numb it. i am starting to dislike the holidays.

It's good that you came here and got it all out. We are all here to help you get through this very difficult time. Life is real, and life is hard, and sometimes life is real hard. But you can be strong - be strong for yourself - believe in your own heart and in your own goodness. You are here for a reason even if you can't see what it is right now - you are important - very important - stop cutting yourself, that has to hurt, and I know it is an outlet for your mental pain, but that is not good for you, you know? Instead, get some books on bipolar from bookstores or libraries, look up everything you can find out it from the internet, busy yourself with something constructive to get your mind off your misery. Take a nice long walk if is good weather, have a cup of hot chocolate, and put your feet up, in other words give yourself a break, a time out to just chill and not stress about everything. And you can always come here to this site, there are wonderful and supportive people willing to help, there is much to learn here. (((((BIG HUG))))

Hugs Pearcy, jlh is right, give yourself a break, it's hard to learn to open up to others, and having been taught not to let others know when you are having problems is a tough thing to over come, but you can, I've had too.

Are you getting therapy? if not please look in to it, with anothers help, one that isn't involved in your daily life, it can help you to see more clearly, they can offer you advice and options on what is going on..

Come here anytime you need to talk, rant and rave. We're here for you.

Carmen

thanks carmen... unfortunatly, i am not currently seeing therapy. my husband does not have insurance and i am in a waiting pattern til he does. i have been told it should be at the end of dec. i can't wait.

have you gotten in touch with the local mental health clinic? they ought to be able to help, most of them charge by a sliding scale, based on what you are able to pay, hopefully his insurance kicks in soon.

Carmen