Bipolar Support Group

I'm 44, and married 14 years to a wonderful woman. She is my best friend and I want to grow old with her. We have two great kids and I literally could not ask for more. We have a great family and I appear to be a super stable guy to the world -- you might say I'm "high achiever" in the eyes of my peers.

I've been diagnosed BP for 10 years. Runs in my family. I'm on Depakote and Lexapro. Here's my issue: I don't know why, but over the past 5-6 years I have struggled more and more with sexual impulses when I am in a manic state - meaning I think about sex and getting laid by strange women like I did when I was 16 and completely out of my mind with raging hormones. And more so even. It really torments me. I don't want a lot of feedback on morality here. Not looking for judgement please. I know it's bad. I'm a Catholic and am totally down with the whole sin thing. I get it. And it pains me. I have acted out in a couple of ways over the last few years (nothing terrible) and slept with a woman I know one time. Mostly, I have surpressed it with hard mental work, but it's getting more difficult to do that. I'm in the throes of a manic episode as I type this. Unless you've been here it's impossible to describe. I have a friend who has experienced severe depression and when she asked me why I just can't "turn it off" my response was that it would be like just telling her to "shake it off" when she was unable to get out of bed for a week. It's insidious. Funny thing is that when I am not manic I could give a care about other women. Not interested at all. My wife is all I need.

At any rate, I'm wondering if any of you struggle with this and, if so, how you've dealt with it. Do you make allowances for yourself, medicate it all away somehow, confess and work with your spouse, or what?

I would love some shared perspective on this subject.

Sully

Wow when you are talking about the very essence of morality, it's going to be difficult not to mention morality. I think, "normals", call it the, "seven year itch", or, "middle age crazy". Are you sure you shouldn't maybe go to a sex therapist with your wife and try to bring some of the old magic back?

No, judgment here Sully. What you describe is very real to a lot of folks. It is like the urge to spend lots of money or drive recklessly. I know the urge is strong, but you also sound like you are in control of your actions. So many posts are from people on the other side of the coin on this issue. Thanks for sharing your story. It may help someone else. I hope you win this one, dear. Sounds like you love your wife.

sully - I've never acted on the compulsion, but I understand what you're talking about. I think the best thing for me was getting on meds to even out the manic phases (for me, lithium.)

Keep working with a good therapist. And keep taking the meds you know you need to take.

I think if you're in a very strong, loving relationship with someone, you can work through the "crazy desires." A good pdoc/therapist will keep you in the right direction.

No judgement here.........BP is a hellish road.

Post edited by: Zoe42405, at: 10/28/2008 15:37

no judgment here, either. i know that manic urges are sooooo hard to resist. whenever you look back after the crash, though, it always seems i'm so sorry for acting on any of those impulses. for me, meds and therapy are essential to keep myself from becoming manic in the first place. i still have some hypomanic times with strong urges to do things that i know i'll be sorry for. thing is, the meds help me resist those urges rationally, something i could never seem to do when i wasn't medicated, no matter how hard i thought i was trying, because they all seemed like such good ideas at the time.

hope this helps.

Sully, I do have the same exact symptoms whenever I'm more Hypo or Manic. Just the degree may be different. Over many years (I was married for 20 years with a women I loved and respected in all the ways) whenever that desire for another woman came, all I did was mental work. For two times I had to drive myself away from friends (women) not to let things get out of control. I did it with effort. It was not easy. After all, this kind of desire is a bit "animal". I believe it's strength is far beyond our capacity of fighting it.

One thing I've noticed is that some anti-depressants weakens your libido and your sexual desire. As I have mixed episodes, I sometimes have Lithium and one of the ati-depressants with this side effect (although not all patients experience the same effects). In this cases my libido is kond of controlled by the anti-depressant and it's easier to have a hand on my impulses.

I'd like to give you some more help as I think that what you go through is very painful. But don't know how to help you more than this.

Yet, about judgment. This has nothing to do with moral and morality. Nor has it to do with sexual therapists. We all know a rat is a rat because it's a rat and nothing else. A BP sexual indiscretion is a BP sexual indiscretion because it's a BP sexual indiscretion and nothing else. Period.

There are some really helpful thoughts here and I appreciate it. I have a lot of personal awareness around this issue. One of the things I notice is that periods of high stress tend to trigger manic states regardless of med level. Seems like I just break right through whatever dosage I'm at. My biggest internal struggle specifically related to this issue is whether or not I use it as an excuse for bad behavior. I don't think so, but I'm not certain about that. I've always been a totally straight-up guy but this has been coming up for me more often than I like. As I said, though, when I'm not in a manic state it is a total non-issue. I'm "normal" and don't have the insane sexual urge. I sure like it better when I'm in that place. This is a large distraction and makes concentration and quality living very difficult.

Again, thanks for the feedback. Any additional thoughts appreciated.

Sully

Post edited by: Sully, at: 10/28/2008 17:42

Post edited by: Sully, at: 10/28/2008 17:43

hi sully - I don't think you talked about your meds. Are you taking the meds you need to take for BP? This could be a great help in living the quality of life you want to live.

hi antonio - what do you mean when you say a BP indiscretion is just a BP indiscretion? Is that because you feel it's acted upon in a manic state rather than how a "normal" state?

i was wondering about your comment, too, antonio. i'm not sure what you mean. for me, it's not an indiscretion if i cheat on my significant other or spend too much money or whatever, even if i'm manic. i don't expect to be absolved for my behavior because i'm manic. maybe i'm misunderstanding what you mean...