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10/23/2010 03:44 PM

Bipolar Girlfriend just left me..

mrmiami
Posts: 2
Member

Hey everyone.I am totally new at this and I didn't know who else or where else to turn to.

Quick background. I am 31 years old. I got together with my girlfriend about 6 months ago. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever layed my eyes on. She is 28. It was an instant connection from the beginning. We spent the last 5 months together almost every day. I am very close with her familiar and as she is with mine. We had such an amazing time in our relationship. We had it all connection emotionally, sexually and spiritually.

2 months ago my girlfriend told me that she was having problems at work with her boss and was dealing with alot of STRESS and could not deal with it anymore. She also told me that he was sexually harrassing her. She also mentioned some coworkers were mistreating her because she did not take their sexual advances. At this point she was having alot of ups and downs and beginning to get agitated with me and began to start accusing me of stessing her out. I felt she was mad at me all the time. I also noticed any time she was stressed she would take pills (colatapins) to help her. She told me the doctor prescribed it to her to help with past divorce. I also began to notice she was not eating that much. Under 1000 cal a day.

I was there for helping her cope and talked with her about it every day. She is also studying for her GRE to obtain her second masters degree on October 31st. I am very supportive helping her study, sending her dinner all that stuff. I am a true gentleman.

She began pushing me away in September. Telling me she can't deal with my comments or jealousy. I had only make jokes with her as I am a funny guy. I always had to explain I was joking.

She told me she saw a Psychotrist and he gave her some meds. She would not tell me what they were for. In mid September we were out for lunch and she told me the doctor diagnosed her with Bipolar (the lessor of the two types)and told me she was taking the meds. I noticed a slight difference in behavior over the following weeks. She was glassy eyed, forgetful, and had loss of memory. She began to start accusing me of being anxious and having a bad temper (both are true but only when it comes to business not her) Never with her. Just normal boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. She would turn like a light switch. I am a big guy 6'1 230lbs so I could take it and agree with her.

I thought everything was going well and one day we were out and she tells me she needs space and is feeling pressured and things moved to fast ( a week before she told me she wanted to be smothered with love everyday and would get mad If I had to work) She said we needed to take a break and I needed to work on my behavior and attitude??

That was 3 weeks ago. Since then I have sent her a note and a book to help her with her test. She has called me a few times. The last time was this past Monday. She sounded ok but told me she had lost her job and was feeling panicked. She also told me she was getting nervous about her test and was studying everyday. I told her that I was there for her and if she wanted to grab something to eat or a coffee I would love to see her. She said after her test we could get together but as FRIENDS? And the past relationship was too stressful. She also told me to see other people and she did not want to hold me back. This threw me off. I was very nice. She let me go.

The next day she emailed me upset about a women facebooking me about a business meeting and got nasty. I assured her she was the only girl I cared about and that I miss her and I am there for her. She then emailed me again applogizing and stating as WE DISCUSSED you can see other women and don't let me hold you back? I never discussed being friends with her. I have yet to respond to that email because I do know what to say or do or if it might affect the outcome of our relationship.

Everyone is telling me to cut her off but this is the girl I love. I love her so much and I am very worried for her. I do not know what to do. I am beginning to feel panicked myself as I have not seen her in 3 weeks. I have been trying to work on my patience and have been talking to my therapist.

I love her so much and I feel pushed away. I need some advice on how to handle the situation and maybe give me some input on where she is coming from.

Thank you for listening and reading..

M

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10/23/2010 04:11 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16598
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Oh relationships, why do they have to be so difficult? In this short while, she has gotten diagnosed. She's probably been feeling up and down the whole time you have been together. Why she has left you, no one knows. Is it the bipolar? We don't know that. Not everything can be blamed on the bipolar. Sometimes people just move on in life. I'm sorry that you have had to endure her ups and downs. She is taking medications and she is working on it, so that is good. It could change the way she sees things and she could possibly come back to you in time, but I don't want to get your hopes up. As for her job, she should have filed a sexual harassment complaint. School is probably very hard for her because of her ups and downs that she is fighting. I would learn all you can about bipolar and let her know that you are there to support her. As for the email, if I were in your shoes, I would just put all of my feelings into it and send it off. She has to feel something for you since she did get jealous. I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you. You will find support here and understanding. Welcome to the group and I hope you like it as much as I do.

10/23/2010 04:20 PM
yyeehhaawww
yyeehhaawwwPosts: 747
Senior Member

I'm sorry you are having to go through this... she is really struggling with a lot... you are amazing.. I hope she will see your support... important things for her to do to get better... take medications... eat.... sleep.... baby steps... stress management

10/24/2010 02:24 AM
Use2be

Hi mrmiami and welcome.

Your girlfriend is recently diagnosed and adjusting to her medication That could be a Big deal for her. It sure was for me. She's also dealing with losing her job after being sexually harassed, and breaking up with you. It's time for you to be as sweet and apologetic as possible, without any pressure to get back together now.

You're obviously deeply in love with her and want to be more than special friends. Emails are okay but kind of impersonal....something more romantic like a hand written letter attached to a dozen roses or looking her in the eye while telling her how you feel might touch her more than a sterile email.

If you can go from being lovers to just friends my hats off to you. I've only been able to do that if I wasn't deeply in love.

She doesn't need any more stress right now. You don't sound bitter at all and that's a good thing. Let her adjust to what happened at work and her meds and hopefully she will want to be held by you again.

Jim


10/24/2010 03:08 AM
Anjl
Anjl  
Posts: 26
Member

You should also join the group 'bipolar spouses' where you'll find a lot of us who have been through exactly what you are experiencing right now, some of us many times. It certainly brought me comfort, reassurance and knowledge.

10/24/2010 05:13 AM
mrmiami
Posts: 2
Member

Thank you everyone for the kind words, it truly means alot. Before she takes her exam I am going wish her luck and let her know I am there for her. Once her exam is over (october 31) I am going to try to reconnect with her on any level or capacity that she can handle. I have also been reading all these mens help books and they have been telling me to give her the cold shoulder, "no contact" and play mind games. They also say reject any idea of being FRIENDS. They say pleading or telling her you miss her is a bad move. It is a no no. I just think that technique is NOT the way to go and is a little immature. I love her so much and want to be there for her, help her through this and be her rock. I know we our meant to be together. She just seems so cold at the moment. I am trying to understand but am having a rough time dealing with it. She left all of our pictures up on facebook (sounds immature but this is the technology era) so it is giving me hope. But I am also realistic as in past experiences the whole space and friends thing is usually a soft let down, so she doesn't feel hurt. I am just so torn.

I own 4 companies and handle many situations and am very successful. I know I am young but this situaton has me feeling so confused and unsure. Sorry for all this rambling..

I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Thanks again for listening...


06/06/2011 02:24 AM
fgato123
Posts: 1
Member

Im in an almost simalar situation, age, details, financial status. how did it all work out? how did you not let the insecurities carry over into your businesses and look weal to your employees? any advice?

06/06/2011 03:48 AM
Usernamex

Please delete my account

Post edited by: Usernamex, at: 06/09/2011 01:20 AM

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