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This is neither a question nor a post I expect to be commented on. I just need to write this down – have it in black and white – get it off my chest… I will refer back to it numerous times I am sure. I guess this is an affirmation for me… This is no way an attempt on my part to deny my illness. When I had agreed to go for a psych evaluation my husband had agreed to be evaluated also. My appt. was before his. After my diagnosis of bipolar and before my husband’s evaluation my husband told me that he was just suffering from depression – I knew at that point when he went for his evaluation he would tell the doctor he was there for depression. I knew he would not be honest with her and tell her about his behavior, how he blows up over small things, will scream and curse at anybody around just because he is miffed about something, that he is miserable, blames everybody and everything else for how lousy his life is, especially me, or how he can be in a really good mood laughing and joking around and suddenly shift to a mood of anger where he will say things like, “I hate my life, I hate everyone in my life”. Needless to say he came home from his psych evaluation and informed me his diagnosis was depression and the psych doc would not prescribe anything for him because he had just started taking Chantix to stop smoking. He has since gone to a therapist. When I asked him how things were going with his therapist he told me fine. I asked him what he was seeing a therapist for and he told me to work on his anger. After being on chantix for a week he heard that chantix was being evaluated by the FDA for an increase in suicides so he stopped taking it. On my second visit with my therapist she told me that it sounds like my husband is borderline personality or bipolar. I told her I agreed and about his diagnosis of depression. My third visit with my therapist was an enlightening one. She told me that it was not going to do me any good to try to fix myself if my husband was not going to be honest with his psychologist (we see the same psych doctor) and get proper treatment. She told me I had two choices. I could stay with him knowing nothing would ever change if he did not get help or I could leave and not continue to subject myself to his cruelty and emotional abuse. (This was this past Monday). I saw my psych doctor yesterday and I shared things with her that were said during my therapy sessions. To my surprise and without her breaking the patient confidentiality laws I was left with the impression that she did not diagnose my husband with depression. I told her my husband had stopped taking the chantix and why and she said, “I did not give him anything else because chantix is known to stabilize moods, if he is not taking the chantix then I want to see him again.” At this point I think that either my therapist has spoken with her or my husband was honest with her and is in denial. Last night I told my husband that as long as he is not honest and willing to seek treatment for a mood disorder (Not just depression) that I would not be able to stay with him because I will not be able to get better living with him. I will not hang around for him to tell me all the time that all of his misery and how his horrible life is all my fault. I also told him that our psych doctor wants to see him again since he stopped taking the chantix. His reaction was one of becoming somber, then he started telling me that his behavior is a direct result of all the stress he is under, how he is working all the time to support so many people, how I am not meeting his needs because I am not working, and if I would just work it would make his life so much better. I informed him that when I did work full time and made as much money as him he was the same way and the only difference was my money was his money and I was not allowed to spend any of my money (that is another story), my point to him was this is long standing with him and his behavior is not the result of depression. I reminded him of an email his son sent him telling him how he can go from being the nicest guy one minute to satan himself the next, that our friend Robbie has made numerous comments regarding his instantaneous mood swings etc. I told him it is not just me who sees this in him. Again, he denied anything being wrong with him and said, “If something is wrong with me how is it I have been able to keep the same job for 30 years”. I reminded him that I cannot and will not stay with him unless he gets honest and seeks treatment; I cannot fix myself if I remain with a man who blames me for everything and does not see anything good in me or about me. We shall see what happens now. I can’t help but wonder if there are other marriages where both partners are BP or one has BP and the other BPD… |
