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09/29/2010 03:05 PM

Advice

Milli
 
Posts: 6
Member

I am currently going through a custody battle with my ex husband, I filed to change the visitation because my kids had told me things that their father has made them to and things he has said to them. I tried filing a report with CPS but I had no proof of anything of than the kids word against his. Since I filed to change his visitation he filed a counter-motion against me stating that I am unfit because of my mental illness (bipolar) and that I abuse the kids and brainwash them into saying things to make him look bad, and his family has already lied for him on this and will continue to do so. I do have witnesses that can say that he is the one who abuses the kids and they are teachers and coaches, etc. But his attorney keeps throwing up my MENTAL ILLNESS and that it has made me unstable and also that I don't take my medication. I do everything for my kids, My current husband and I go to every event, assemblies, everything for the kids and their father doesn't go to anything. But I'm wondering is there anything I can do to prove that I'm not unfit just because I'm bipolar. They have my medical records from my doctor stating that I see her every month and take my meds as prescribed but the judge seems to believe that because i am bipolar it means I'm still unfit and unstable. We are requesting another judge even though we haven't gone to the final hearing yet because the judge won't even look at my medical records. Any advice that anyone can give me on what I can do to better prove that I can be both bipolar and a good stable mother would be very much appreciated.

Thank you!!!

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09/29/2010 05:55 PM
boonescreekgirl
boonescreekgirl  
Posts: 280
Member

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You can be a good mother and have bipolar also. You are doing the right thing by getting another judge, the one you have now won't look at your medical records. It is very hard to change people's mind about the disorder, some are undereducated and haven't bothered to learn about the illness. I wish you the best.

09/29/2010 06:18 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16593
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

This is ridiculous. If he is abusing them, then they should not be in his house. Can you get the kids to testify? Show that they are being abused? How about the Psychiatrist, can he testify. That judge has to go, especially because he won't even look at your medical records. I don't have any other ideas except for the above. I just think this is stupid that your ex can pull this and get away with it. You definitely can be a good mother and be stable. There are lots of mothers out there that have children and are stable with bipolar. They do it everyday. I wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted.

09/29/2010 06:49 PM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42705
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

That is unbelievable of the judge. I hope that your lawyer is able to get the presiding judge changed. It's obvious that you are a good mother and are quite fit to take care of them. Get those who know the truth to testify on your behalf. It's important that your side be heard clearly. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and I wish you well in this.

09/29/2010 07:14 PM
ASO1979able
ASO1979able  
Posts: 6985
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I feel for you, I went through a similiar situation with my ex husband. In my case his sister called CPS on me and said that my boyfriend at the time was sexually abusing my daughter (but just the one that is my ex husbands, although I have 2) although all alegations against my ex boyfriend were found to be untrue Cps took both of my girls and gave them to my ex and then went to our divorce hearing and said that they (CPS) were concerned for my childrens' well being because I have Bipolar and could "turn on the children during an episode". I did not have a lawyer b/c I could not afford 1 and the judge refused to let me have anyone testify on my behalf and refused to look at legal documents proving that my ex is not the father of my youngest child. She granted temporary cuatody of both girls to my ex. I appealed her decision and our case was referred to a different judge who did let me have psychiatrists, teachers, and friends/family testify on my behalf and granted me custody of both girls. My advice for you is try your hardest to get another judge and DON'T GIVE UP! It might be a tough fight, but your children are worth it. Good luck, I will be praying for you.

Post edited by: ASO1979able, at: 09/29/2010 07:15 PM


09/29/2010 08:25 PM
Milli
 
Posts: 6
Member

Thank you to everyone, we feel we have a good attorney and she has proven to us that she will only do things that are in the best interest of the children. The judge did issue the kids a guardian ad litem and we meet with her on Monday and she will come out to the house to see how we live and do the same for my ex, which we have him beat on that. We have a 4 bedroom home with an acre of land front and back yard fenced in and all their game consoles are here with their bikes and everything else. His house is a 3 bedroom trailor in a crappy neighborhood and 6 people living in the home. My ex mother in law and sister in law have both physically attacked me and my ex mil has tried to get my husband fired from his job because he is married to me. They have also call CPS on my husband saying he was sexually abusing my daughter which turned out there was nothing and we knew it, they were just trying to start a fight with us. My husband said if we have to go in debt so save our kids then that's what we will do, our kids happiness is more important than anything else. MY husband is my rock and he loves my 3 children with all his heart and he refuses to call them his step children, he has help me co parent them for 5 years when their father wasn't around, i am very lucky to have him stand with me and fight for our kids. Thanks for all the prayers, they are so needed right now and I will try and keep you all updated on how things go.

Thank you all again, it's good to know that other people understand what I am going through and are willing to talk with me about it and help me deal with the issues I am having. This whole thing though has me so stressed and my anxiety is off the charts but I take my meds and talk through it and I fine after.


09/30/2010 04:33 AM
proudmami01
proudmami01  
Posts: 590
Member

Wow, I have no ideas/suggestions that haven't already been mentioned, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this. That judge is ridiculous. And obviously uneducated if he thinks you can be bipolar and unfit because of that. If every bipolar or mentally ill parent was unfit there would be a lot of children growing up without their biological parents. It is sad that someone who is supposed to look out for the best interest of the child(ren) is so shallow minded.

I hope everything works out.


09/30/2010 08:14 AM
bipolarone
bipolarone  
Posts: 82
Member

I tried to leave my husband a little over 2 years ago. We have been together 17 years and I know it is not a good relationship for me. But I learned a lot when I filed for divorce and tried to get custody of my kids. Now my oldest was 14 at the time and could decide on his own where he wanted to live which was with me. My daughter was 9 and very impressionable and let her fathers words sway her decision in where she wanted to go. She ended up deciding to live with him, this broke my heart. Before leaving I had several manic episodes that didn't help matters. But when I found out he was going to use me being bipolar against me to show the judge he was the more stable person it was a real eye opener. He even went so far as to go the local drug store I always had my prescriptions filled at and they printed him a list of all the medication I had filled with them over the past year to give to his attorney. I was shocked that they could give him something I thought was private and that it could be used against me when a doctor prescibed them to me. But none the less he was ready to drag me through the mud paint a picture of me to the judge like I was a crazy person. I wasn't just bipolar and because I was on medication to try and help me to have a normal life it was being held against me. Well knowing there was a good chance he could win and I would not see my kids but every other weekend I relented and ended up going back to him. Now 2 years later I regret going back, I would have been through the heart ache of the break up by now. My kids probably would have adjusted to whatever the outcome was and I would be a happier person. My son is 16 and daughter is 11 and I live for the day they move out and go to college because I will be gone too. He will have nothing to hold over my head. I can't be made to feel anymore guilt about how my bipolar has adversely affected my kids. That is when I can reclaim myself and start living for me instead of just existing. I am glad you have your new husband to lean on for support, best of luck to you!
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