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AngelWithHopeToBeatThis
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How many people really need to die, till it is my turn, and I could just go and leave all this hurt behind!!!!! Someone I Love VERY much, is in the hospital fighting for her life right now, and I can't be there with her, because she's outta the country, I am so sick of losing people I Love, if she dies, I will break, I will never be able to forgive myself for letting this happen, i just won't be able to cope!!! How many people need to die on me, before it is my turn to just die!!!! Please!!! I just wanna leave all this pain, and leave with all these people that are leaving!!!! Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knealt to the ground and pulled out a ring
Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
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kimminentdanger
Posts: 2045
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Hi BrokenWinged.... I can feel your pain toots, but HOW DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN???? You can't possibly beat yourself up over something that's not in your control... I can relate to the feeling of wanting to die, but you've got to remind yourself that something traumatizing is happening right now, and that there's more than one reason to hang on..... If you need to talk more, I'm here... and I'm in your corner. Tell me - what makes you think that you LET this happen???? "Insanity destroys reason, but not wit." - Nathaniel Emmons
"Been a bad (girl) since diapers and Gerbers; my first words were bleep bleep and curse curse" - Eminem E82EF8 |
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ThisBlows
 Posts: 1312
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Kimmine asks a very good question that you should be asking yourself. How is this your fault. Ive spent many months deployed in various combat zones and I lost friends, good friends that I was closer to than my own family. And Ive gone through the guilt of why them and not me as well, or secounded guessed myself thinking if I had just done one thing or another that they would still be here. But in the end, after a lot of thinking and talking to my friends that have been there, done that I realized that it wasnt my fault, its just they way things are. And nothing I can say or do could have stopped it, or will stopit from happening again. Im willing tobet that its the same for you. Cry HAVOC! and let slip the lemmings of war!
She turned me into a newt!.... I got better
Spes Mea In Deo Est |
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AngelWithHopeToBeatThis
Posts: 472
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I should have been there for her, I should have done something, I feel so bad, and whats worse, is I just found out one of my close friends knew how bad she was last night, and she didn't tell me because I was having a bad night, How could she not tell me. I am breaking right now, I am falling apart, how am I suppose to sit through class tonight, knowing my friend is fighting for her life right now!!!! I should have been there, done something, stopped her!!! I love her so much, if she goes, I don't think I will be able to get through this!!! Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knealt to the ground and pulled out a ring
Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
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piedlourd
 Posts: 1443
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hey broken. the easiest and probably the most stupid answer is you don't have to die - today, tomorrow, next week. i know the feeling of there's no way out of the pain and regret and aloneness. in truth i think of suicide or dying almost daily. it doesn't consume me but it's there. i've written my eulogy, my epitaph, a list of songs that should be played at my memorial. but i wake up every morning alive, sometimes i don't know why but... so just hang on, find someone to talk to (kimmie even), find a sliver of a reason to stick around and hold on to it. terry If I could be anything in the world,
I would be everything.
If I could think of anything in the world,
I would think of future failures.
If I could touch anything in the world,
I would cradle my infant self.
If I could dream of anything in the world,
I would dream my dreams real.
Now that I am something and I’ve thought, touched, and dreamed,
I will let it all go
- Charles R. Jackson |
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norma
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Reading this Angel...sounds like your friend was trying to protect you, knowing you were already depressed. Might help if you realize that like Kimmie and thisBlows said, you are not in control of her situation. Perhaps you might want to concentrate on your getting stable in the situation. You are focusing on you and what you could have done past tense. Past is over. Might want to start right now and think about what you can do from now on. Go to class. Do the best you can do, and then check in on her and tell her you care. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan |
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AngelWithHopeToBeatThis
Posts: 472
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She was my reason to stay, now she could die, if she doesn't make it, what is my reason? I won't have one! Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knealt to the ground and pulled out a ring
Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
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norma
Posts: 7848
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Angel that sounds like you have set yourself up for failure. Measuring your worth by if someone lives or dies. Might want to rethink that one dear. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan |
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Trishy
Posts: 8155
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Angel we are all here for you hun but the rest of them are right it is not your fault. If you need to talk i am here for you. You are not alone.What you see depends on what you are looking for  ] |
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countrymouse
Posts: 2263
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Angel, Like you, I have lost too many people. I think I understand how you feel. The helplessness about being far away at this time. I have experienced all manner of death, witnessed murder, loss of a parent, friends, family...but in my life I have to tell you that the deaths I was most affected by were suicides. Like ateR, the thoughts are a constant for me, almost a daily reality that I have learned to cope with, partially because I know what it's like to be left behind. I'm sure that there are people in your life that would miss you and so you need to focus. Focus on what is real, this is not punishment, this is not your fault and your dying cannot make it better "Music may start with a melody, but harmony is what gives it it's color."
"And in the end, it is not the years in your life that count, but the life in your years." Abraham Lincoln |
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