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05/02/2009 06:09 PM

Can bipolar people hide manic episode from others?(page 12)

neondreams
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flux,

I'd like to make one more comment.

If I accidentally skip a dose of my meds, I start hearing voices. That makes me wonder if I'm schizoaffective bipolar type (which is what I was originally diagnosed with in 2006 following my first manic/psychotic episode), but I don't think this diagnosis fits me either because I don't have any difficulty with thought.

My tdoc doesn't think I'm schizoaffective because I'm too high functioning since I'm in school and many people with schizoaffective struggle with that although there are always exceptions to the rule.

I also rapid cycle which isn't a common trait in people who have schizoaffective.

I think my current diagnosis of atypical BPI with ultradian rapid cycling describes me perfectly since it accounts for my mania, depression, voices, delusions, paranoia and rapid cycling.

Having said all of that, labels are just that -- labels. I don't care what a pdoc calls me just as long as my meds relieve my symptoms. Smile

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 05/02/2009 06:17 PM

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05/02/2009 06:39 PM
jollyjoe
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Flux ...I`m BP1 and I heard voices 24/7 but they where the negative voices..The what good am I ,how could I pass this gene down to my children,or life would be better with out me ...Those are not schiso (sp) sorry thoughts ..It is our negative side not to be funny or disrespectful I have found Most BP people have these little men/women in there head that does a tug a war every single day and sometime the negtive side wins we fall into depression and voices that tell us bad things and then when we go manic the postive side won..we feel invisible we feel wonderful on top of the world ...but we do the tug a war every day all day and rapic cycles is a very hard thing to deal with ..Voices does not necessarily your schico sorry can`t quite spell that no meaning behind it other then I can`t spell..

05/02/2009 06:47 PM
neondreams
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That's right. Not everyone with schizophrenia hears voices.

As for my voices, I hear 6 of them (3 male; 3 female). They command me to harm myself, comment on the things I do, argue with each other, talk about death/dying, tell me what an awful person I am and try to convince me that I've died in auto accident and am in h*ll.

I've only heard 2 "good" voices. One of them was in 2006 during my first manic/psychotic episode. It was a female voice who didn't have a name and told me it was safe to eat the hospital food. I'm grateful for hearing that voice because she literally saved my life. Up until the point when I heard her, I didn't eat for 2.5 weeks.

The other "good" voice I heard is named Jill. She has a calm, relaxing voice and makes me feel better than I do when I feel level. The first time she introduced herself to me she said everything would be okay and that she came to protect me from my angry, bad voices. One of the things I loved about her was how she enjoyed listening to 80s music just like I did. She would hum to the music and it sounded so beautiful that it brought me to tears.

I know that probably sounds strange, but Jill really did bring me comfort and I'm saddened that I no longer hear her anymore thanks to the doctors who destroyed her. Sad


05/02/2009 08:18 PM
flux
flux  
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oops...got confused. Sorry!Whistling

Post edited by: flux, at: 05/02/2009 09:02 PM


05/02/2009 09:08 PM
neondreams
neondreams  
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flux,

No problem. Smile

I was originally diagnosed as schizoaffective bipolar type in 2006 after my first manic/psychotic episode, but my diagnosis changed 12 months later after I started rapid cycling. I was first diagnosed with rapid cycling BPI, but in December my new pdoc said I have atypical BPI with ultradian rapid cycling.

From what he told me, rapid cycling BPI does not describe me since I cycle too quickly (people with atypical bipolar tend to cycle much faster than those with rapid cycling BPI), my cycling is not predictable (the way it is with rapid cycling BPI) and I experience periods of frequent hypomania (which is characteristic of atypical bipolar, but not rapid cycling BPI).

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 05/02/2009 09:17 PM


05/02/2009 09:19 PM
flux
flux  
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neon,

What do you mean "not predictable"? I am curious. Does this mean that you do not follow a pattern of mood episodes? Peanut. Like depressed then manic, depressed then manic, etc? I feel like I am pretty predictable in that mania always follows depression. The problem is that sometimes I get "stuck" in one episode for a long time and other times, like lately peanut, I am move around really fast.

*Are we hijacking the thread?*


05/02/2009 09:31 PM
neondreams
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flux,

If we are hijacking this thread, I apologize and would be happy to continue this discussion via PM.

Yes -- that's exactly what I mean. Even though I can tell you that my moods change every hour and sometimes every minute, the way they change differs.

For example, I can go from being manic to extremely irritable to severely depressed and back to manic or from extreme irritability to mania to irritability to severe depression.

According to my pdoc, this happens because rapid cycling is biological in nature and is also influenced by the environment, stress and illness. If I get into an argument with a friend, I will obviously feel irritable, but minutes later I can feel manic for no reason.

Conversely, I can start off feeling manic and then dive right into a deep depression after seeing a program on TV that disturbs me.

Does that make sense? If not, I can explain further. Smile

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 05/02/2009 09:32 PM


05/02/2009 09:34 PM
neondreams
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I also wanted to mention that the feelings I experience during a manic and hypomanic episode are predictable. I start off feeling very/extremely happy at the beginning of an episode, extremely irritable towards the middle and severely depressed towards the end.

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 05/02/2009 09:36 PM


05/02/2009 09:52 PM
flux
flux  
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neon, I think we are hijacking, but this info could be useful to others, right so maybe keep it open?

Your descriptions sound actually very familiar to me. I don't know myself as well as you. I have not had the experience to totally "get" (or even accept) my illness. That I was able to go 4 months without meds and without severe moods (no, I never thought it could happen) argues that I am not an ultradian. YET, if we base it upon my experience as of late, then I think it fits me very well. In fact it gives me hope that I am not a total nut-job.

My pdoc seems to think peanut that my unusual reactions to stress shows my bipolarity. For example, a tragic event can make me manic. This makes me seem callous at times. Likewise happy events can send me to bed in tears. It is like all my body understands is **stress** and doesn't judge very well if it is "good" or "bad" stress. Stress is stress and it makes me unstable.

It is awesome how clearly you speak about your illness.


05/02/2009 10:03 PM
neondreams
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flux,

I would love to continue this discussion here.

Thank you for the compliment. I've researched bipolar for the past 3 years ever since I was diagnosed and I worked hard to understand my illness and the way it manifests itself. I guess I've had alot of practice considering the fact that I've had so many different diagnoses and wanted to know for sure what was happening to me and why.

It's possible for someone not to be a rapid cycler, but to develop rapid cycling, ultra-rapid cycling or ultradian rapid cycling at a later time.

Some articles I've read say that rapid cycling can occur when a person's bipolar has become more advanced (although not necessarily severe).

Given what you've described, you could be an ultradian rapid cycler based on your environment. If truth be told, I think that's how I developed rapid cycling. I can't put my finger on any other reason. I know it's also biological in nature, but I have no doubt that the traumas I experienced earlier in my life as well as situational factors all had an impact on my current symptoms and development of rapid cycling.

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 05/02/2009 10:05 PM

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